|Reviews for Lucky|
| xenolith chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
I loved this! What a great story! Wonderful take on the prompt :)
The writing style was excellent, I felt myself really being dragged into it. I enjoyed reading your descriptions, particularly 'in a rush of whispering muslin and rustling grass', and all the action in the river was done well. Also, it was a strong ending, especially the last line. So natural, and relatable.
Just, really great job this month. All the best!
| RavenclawMoose chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
I quite liked this. Sorry it didn't win. You had really lovely dialogue throughout, and the ending was unexpected, sweet, and very sad at the same time. This was generally a well written piece all around, and I apologize for how long it's taken me to review it. I meant to review it earlier, but have been really busy lately.
I thought you did a really good job with characterization within the WCC word limit. It seems like a lot of stories in the WCC feel unfinished, but yours had a very well rounded beginning, middle, and end that didn't leave me feeling dissatisfied and wondering what in the world the character was thinking.
| Tekla chapter 1 . 10/13/2010
Oh! I really like this, :D
I don't have much to say rather than to fawn over it, so, XD
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
Looks like you did an awesome job editting, i couldn't find anything :) Great atmosphere with teh chase and capture and teh head guy stringing it out - cruel bastard, nicely done. lovely descriptions too, and love the touch of whimsy at teh end - a great read, thanks! and good luck in teh WCC :)
| berley chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
Oh, I liked what you interpreted from the prompt, it is very different from everything else I have read so far. Very nice. The descriptions were great, I especially liked when he fell from the cliff, and fighting the water. The way you changed pace of him giving up under the water to when the woman saves him was very well done as well.
“Listless and exhausted, Morgan felt a distant sadness as he watched sunlight dance over the unreachable surface above him before his world went dark.”
I really liked that line. It produced great imagery for me.
Good luck on the WCC!
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
Very cool Lyra. I was wondering where you would be going with this-I liked the action a lot, I thought you did a great job with it and keeping the plot progressive. The moment with the falling off the cliff was well described and quite breathtaking. I loved how there was that moment of free fall breather, and then WHAM into the water. Well take on the prompt for sure! Everyone else's so far have been very chill and floating-like, but I like how you focused on the sheer terror of how water can be scary and unpredictable. I liked how the third person narrator is called "boy" by the woman at the end, which was quite believable and added to the old woman's character. All in all some great descriptions too. 'Muslin and rustling grass" stuck out for me, and it all came together quite nice. Best of luck in the WCC, and I just love how violent you made the water theme with the twist of the ghost-like girl at the end!
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
"But then a twig floated by and he was sure it was just all in his mind."
Great closing line!
Loved the action here. I didn't get to see many active pieces this time around, what with the romance like prompt and all. Loved the instant character and background you gave to Morgan. Not enough to clog the story, but enough to make me care about him. Very nice story about the girl in the river, too. Nice tie to the prompt.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
I really enjoyed this piece! What a unique way to look at the prompt. I'm thoroughly impressed. I found no grammar, spelling, or punctuation mistakes to speak of, and all of your technical elements were used well.
The only thing I might suggest is that even though you know how you view the prompt, not everyone else does.
"His mind raced like the river. Morgan thought of his young sisters, waiting at home, wondering if he was okay, or if he'd be like mama and just never come home one day. That day. He also worried about the woman. He hoped she had just been carried down the river ahead of him and not met a worse fate."
Right around this point here, you describe three different groups of women: the MC's mother, his sisters, and the the Water Girl. I, as a reader, did not understand the difference immediately.
Other than that, this piece was excellent. I hope you still get votes in the WCC after submitting this late!