|Reviews for The Last Ones|
| Stanleylouis chapter 2 . 12/11/2010
Nice chapter! I liked the character's descriptions.
I think the bar fight was a little expected, maybe a tad bit cliche. I wouldn't really bring it up, since the chapter was written well, except that it is a vampire slayer story, so being unique in any way possible is always a plus. :)
But I liked the face-off! You leave just enough for the reader's imagination so that it's entertaining, without being too vague. Good job!
Hm... I can't think of anything else wrong with the chapter... Can't wait for the next one!
| Stanleylouis chapter 1 . 12/11/2010
Oh... Vampire slayer, huh? Looks intriguing...
Can't say much so far since it's just an opening, but I do think it very nicely leads the reader on. What is this man's talent, or talents? Why does he need to get the girl back? Where and when ARE they? Hopefully I can find out in the next chapter. :)
~Stanleylouis from RH
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 12/9/2010
Good chapter- I like how we see a bit of Ileea's fighting skills at the start, and the dialogue works well to show us more of what the characters are like, so great job there. I do think there could be a little bit more description - especially of the bar. Just something to think about - I look forward to seeing the next chapter.
| Katerzzz chapter 2 . 12/8/2010
Review Payback 2/2!
Oh...I like second chapter...Kobra Kid is right in that it needed perhaps a little more description for me, but other than that I really enjoyed it :) Brilliant action sequences and I liked the fighting between Ileea and Necci. Nice work :D
| Katerzzz chapter 1 . 12/8/2010
Review Payback 1/2!
Really enjoyed the opening, really good strong start, and you introduce the characters well too, which I like :)I love the dialogue between Lance and Ileea (interesting name too) and Lance seems like a character to keep my eye on. I am really liking the start of this and that is why I am adding it to my favourites! :)
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 12/6/2010
I think this is a really nice, strong opening - you introduce the two characters well, and I'm interested to see where they go from here. I like how it takes more than one paragraph for Ileea to accept Lance's help - its obvious that he's going to have to work to gain her trust, so good job on that and I'm intrigued to see what he actually has up his sleeve. Overall, a strong first chapter, I didn't see any errors so great job.
-from The Roadhouse
| Kobra Kid chapter 2 . 12/1/2010
This was good! I like Ileea, she's a kick-ass woman, haha. And Neci is just ... ugh, very creepy. I hope that you make him a well-rounded villain, not just some psychopath. :)
I just have one critque. You did awesome with dialogue, actoin sequences and characters, but what about the setting descriptions? I had no idea what the bar looked like, or the street where Ileea and Neci were fighting on. Just keep that in mind.
Besides that, excellent job! Keep up the fantastic work! :D
May you please payback via Rise From The Ashes? Thank you!
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 11/1/2010
This was a good opening to the story. I don't know why everyone these days thinks that all vampire stories are like Twilight. That's bull! This isn't like it one bit! It's obviously about murderous vampires, lethal hunters and mystery! :D. So, great job!
I didn't see anything that bugged me or any errors, for that matter. Everythiing read smoothly and it was easy to read, so thumbs up for that! ;D.
I really like Iella (sorry if I mispelled it), she has a kick ass name and a kick ass attitude! I love it when authors make the girls not whiny, annoying or cowardly! Yay!
Anyways, great work! Keep it up!
| Limit Removal chapter 1 . 10/31/2010
I am honestly astounded at the skillful placing of the dialogues, unlike some stories I read recently, the personalities stand out in dialogues and clears all confusion of who says what.
But the story suddenly reminded me of that Twilight, really. (I'm not saying this is a rip-off, though.)
And the genre is supernatural, romance. Although I think the first chapters should depict the genres chosen.
| Melody-kun chapter 1 . 10/17/2010
This was good! I think diologue is your forte, very realistic and flowing. It easily portrayed the personality of your characters.
I'm guessing this story has to do a lot with vampire hunters, seeing as Ileea is one. I really like her personality, by the way. She seems very tough.
The atmosphere of this story is dark, which fits along with the story's plot so far. Your description is well-written and conveys a lot, but I'd recommend you add more of it.
For example-you describe the taveryn in the first few paragraphs of the story. Once the chapter progresses, everything is only focused on the two. Perhaps you could write something like the people around them watching them or trying to hear what they're saying. What I'm trying to say is interact with the enviroment more.
You did a good job, though! I hope my review wasn't biased, since I normally don't read supernatural much, and so I don't know know much about it.
| Serendipitist Swan chapter 1 . 10/16/2010
"You'd be surprised what the transition from being human to being vampire can do to one's personality,"
- I found this line funny for some reason.
Speaking of which, the whole piece had a sort of humorous air about it. It could be that I happen to find vampires funny. Or it could be a problem if that's not the kind of air you're going for. At some parts it seems suspenseful, so I'm not sure if you're going for drama or comedy.
hoping that didn't sound mean in any way,