|Reviews for King Bee|
| Iseria2you chapter 6 . 10/1/2013
Love the chapter title. XD
Okay, thanks for the drama. Nice point of view; even though he's occassionally soooooo wrong, he's immensely cute, and I am immensely impressed. Thank you. Please keep writing. _
| Iseria2you chapter 5 . 10/1/2013
"Mwo ha ha..." is what I'd like to say, but... how does one follow up on a mwo ha ha? Kinda tricky...
Well, I DID find the Most Unforgiveable Spelling Error of the InterWebs: Your thing, you're doing. Tsk tsk. Not good.
Oh, alright. Just putting your feet on the ground for a moment before what I really want to say:
YOU'RE A GENIUS! WEEEEE! Haven't been this excited about reading on for ages! Oh, maybe if I really do begin reading that fourth book of C. Clare's, but that's still scary. Thanks for being making the perfect distraction. _
| Iseria2you chapter 4 . 10/1/2013
...I think i recognize this set-up. Where... Korean? Drama? East-asian, certainly. TV-series I think... Now where would that be... XD
| Iseria2you chapter 2 . 10/1/2013
Okay, I really hope this guy WON'T be exactly like those in the movies. It would be nice to see a girl fall for and Stay In Love with someone who doesn't like reading, for once. Except this guy probably reads a little, seeing as he's a school genius...? Who am I kidding...
But one dyslectic or uninterested super hero wouldn't hurt, right?
A couple spelling errors up there by the way, very accurately a couple I think... But still good. _
| Iseria2you chapter 1 . 10/1/2013
Well, if you "picked up" your keyboard, you must have a different computer thingy than me, dear. But then I suppose most houses have a stationary, instead of a laptop...
Hiya! Me again. Decided to check out one of your "others", and found this sweetie, and dearie; it is a sweetie. I am now nearly convinced you are a genius talent.
...and I've got to stop reading these soon. Seriously messes up my british... I write like a sorority fake...! Save me, luvlies! Ta-ta! _-
| XxXxX chapter 6 . 1/28/2011
This is actually a really awesome story! ) Cut out on the cliches and it will perfection
| Rooffoo chapter 6 . 11/27/2010
No no no, not Val and Darien together. There's no chemistry or tension between, at least in comparison to Val and Adrian. I'm loving the 'spunk' in Val :D.
| Brandi Heir chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
aw, it's all so cute! i love it all :)
| Dorkified and Lovely chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
I'm allergic to chocolate, but I'm reviewing anyway. Aren't I loyal? Dedicated? Bark, bark.
This chapter was cute. Kyahaha. Loved it. I like that Valentina (pretty name) gave Adrian's mom the ole what-for.
¡A mi me gusta!
| BabyGirlAlex chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
I really liked Adrian's POV,especially the part about Easy A(loved that moviee!)and when he talked about his impression of chap was amazing,and I cant believe they're getting along so well!
P.S-I actually don't know who I want her to end up with even tho I love Darienn!:]
| dreamsoverclouds chapter 6 . 11/26/2010
I love how they're getting along so well. Adrian is such a daarllinng.
| djdanja chapter 6 . 11/25/2010
Team Adrian Team Adrian Team ADRIAN. Did I make it clear yet ? :D TEAM ADRIAN. You just wait and see all of you readers. I am a sucker for the jerky hard exterior with a heart od gold and some vulnerabilities and insecurities. I am in love with this story so much. Great work. Great writing. Update soon, much love Mary
| blurrylights chapter 6 . 11/25/2010
I thought the story was going pretty well so far (ignoring the massive cliche-ness of it all; the only girl he likes is the one who doesn't treat him like a God, the fact that there's a school "God" which never happens in real life, etc), and then I read this chapter. First things first, random character POV changes are a very juvenile way to get the reader into the character's head. When you have a POV, stick to it. Unless it's one of the back-and-forth-POV stories, which this is certainly not.
Second, the entire "my family life is crap so i drink and sleep with girls" is SO cliche and expected. You're basically re-using the most basic plot line there is. & then you add in the fact that Darien is in love with Valentina- also cliche.
You also started off the chapter with what basically looks and sounds like an essay. It wasn't written in an interesting way, and I skimmed over it because I could really care less about his skewed visions on love because I could guess that they were the same as every other cliche MC Male's ideas.
You made the mother out to be some massive bitch, and yet when it comes down to it, you made her seem so juvenile and un-realistic. Real mothers like that (& I know many, so I know how they act) are tactful and underhandedly snobby- they don't come and flat out say whatever they want to say. The rich are bred with manners and politeness, and when they want to be rude, they'll do it with class. You used another cliche there, and not well. The way she acted through the entire scene was completely implausible.
& Adrian kissing her on the cheek was supposed to convince his mother that they were dating? Really?
If you really wanted to make this scene seem realistic, you would have explicated on the mannerisms of both Valentina and the mother and have showed them subtlety attacking each other. That's much more realistic and much more engaging for the reader.
Also, he finally just notices how smart and beautiful and funny she is when she shoes up in a designer dress? Again, another cliche and very offensive to Valentina's character herself. You're objectifying the girl to nothing but her looks- she shouldn't need to look pretty for the Male MC to see her value.
This story really had a lot of promise in my eyes, because despite the cliche-ness of it all, you still incorporated some fun and uniqueness to it. The characters were fun, but the development has left a lot to be desired. They became friends WAY to quickly (less than 6 chapters-he went from hating her to falling in love with her in a matter of days. If that's not unrealistic and ridiculous, I have no idea what is.) and the interactions are bordering on ridiculous at this point.
With some TLC, this story definitely can be fixed. Like I said, you have the promise and the capability to make it work. You just need to be careful to avoid piling on cliches and to come up with some fresh, clever ideas. I'm looking forward to seeing how you improve this story.
| Dorkified and Lovely chapter 5 . 10/31/2010
Ah! This is hilarious! Am I the only one rooting for Val to fall madly in love with Darien?
| Summers chapter 5 . 10/31/2010
LOVE IT. ]