|Reviews for all change|
| Adrenalin chapter 1 . 6/4/2011
I liked the easy way that poem flowed. It had a dreamy quality, it sounded a little otherwordly in a way... I'm not sure how I could describe this, but it felt really quiet. I wonder if it was really the feeling you were trying to achieve though - you mention passion and earth-shaking kisses, so maybe you wanted something with more briskness. If so, you could try making shorter lines.
I wonder why you suddenly went from free verse to rhymes. Maybe you should try to keep it consistent, either rhyme or free verse? I'm not sure which one would fit best here though, both would probably work well - but free verse often makes a poem's flow easier.
[then silent love will secretly sustain
the gorgeous state of love that's drenched in pain]
Repetition of 'love' here.
| Kikyuu chapter 1 . 11/3/2010
Perhaps I didn't enjoy this piece as I rightly should have because it struck a little too close to home. Still, it was a good poem that held its rhyme well without being forced. Just one thing: do the first few lines not rhyme, not even subtly? Upon re-reading, I felt that weakened the start given the rhyming present in the rest of the piece.
I wasn't particularly fond of the repetition of "love" in the phrases "silent love" and "gorgeous state of love" - twice in a row, it didn't deliver the sort of power that it should have.
I liked the last line, especially the phrase, "great almost-love". I also liked the lines, "Perhaps if we pretend this is not real/and never say aloud the way we feel". They reflected a simple honesty that I found very appealing.
Also, for "beauty, once held captured", was there meant to be something between "held" and "captured"?
| thebelltower chapter 1 . 11/3/2010
this was outstandingly beautiful. I loved how your rhyme scheme wasn't too painfully obvious - although I did not necessarily find the topic easy to follow.
the bell tower
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 10/14/2010
Really well done. I can't find anything to fault :)