Reviews for Equipoise
art3micia chapter 13 . 3/17/2017
Such a pity that it's not completed! I really liked the story so far...Any plans on actually continuing with it?
K.S.T.M chapter 13 . 2/11/2016
Hey, I noticed you haven't updated in a while and was wondering if you planned on finishing.

I really enjoy your story and hope you continue it!:D
Guest chapter 13 . 2/10/2016
Guest chapter 1 . 8/15/2014
I really love this story do u plan on completing it because that would be . Pleeeease won't u consider continuing this story
ForgottenTales chapter 13 . 5/14/2014
I really enjoyed Equipoise, though if I had noticed that it was incomplete I probably would not have read it. I don't know whether to feel thankful cause the story was extremely engaging and each character memorable, or regretful cause it hasn't been updated in 3 years. I love the relationship between Makani and Rinji, that they clearly care for each other. The gradual reveal of their backstories kept me hooked, and I want to find out more about them, and how their relationship came to be. I was a bit confused when they left Canute so abruptly but I see now you've brought the story back to him. (I have to confess I thought that there would be a love triangle between those three, but was pleasantly surprised that there was none. I love that Makani and Rinji have such a strong relationship and that while Makani admits that he is attracted to Kauai, he isn't tempted. Too many stories have the main character passively allowing other people to have their way with them and struggling with their attraction to so many suitors vying for them, all the while professing that they love only one.) I still live in hope that this fic will be updated and completed one day. Please?
faroffdream chapter 13 . 12/15/2013
Wow, Qui, I really like this story! I think it is very well-written! I love Makani the most because he is so grumpy but secretly caring. Although I also like that Rinji is so devoted and has a sense of humor. Please keep writing because this story helps me fend off the winter chill. Cheers,
Your beloved reader.
xanthofile chapter 13 . 1/9/2013
just wanted to mention that i greatly enjoyed reading this story, even knowing that it was unfinished (and likely to remain that way, at this point). i have to admit that it went in directions completely unforeseen to me when i first began reading, and i enjoy that in a story. but, just because, some review made-libs.

"Wow, Qui, I really like this story! I think it is very nutritious. I love Makani the most because he is so bad cabbage. Although I also like that Rinji is a phrenologist. And I think it's clever how Etuai is always after everyone's hobbit! Please keep writing because this story helps me fend off the gangrene! Cheers, your beloved hydrant."
Chevix chapter 12 . 12/24/2012
Well continuing this on a second review, because I accidently posted the other one. Sorry if there is any errors, I didn't get to go back and edit it because of that.

Well it was pretty much finished anyways. I did want to add in that I hope you take my review in a positive manner. I know how I would feel getting a review that long all stating what a reader felt you could do better on. In no way did I want you to loose any motivation for this story. Please use it as advice for what you can work on in future chapters. I don't want to tell you to go back and re-write it. There is flaws and a load of unanswered questions, but you have a ton of opportunity with future chapters to work on answering those and plowing ahead. Overall I think your characters are likeable, the plot is original and intriguing and I really would like to continue reading this. If there is any conflict in my statements to what is actually happening in the story please play it off to me having read the whole story around 1am last night because certain things were keeping me awake and I wanted a good distraction. (And what a happy distraction I found!) If you take anything away from this I hope it is that you remember to slow the pace (take a few breathers) and add in tons and tons of juicy details. You have great potential as a writer and I sincerely hope you write more on this story I think there is definitely a story worth telling in this.

Thanks for your time, and a Merry Christmas to you (or happy holidays to whatever you celebrate) and a great New Years as well.


Also feel free to spit me back a response! I would love to hear what you took from this since I spent over an hour with that review (good or bad) *gives you an innocent look* :D

Another side note...this had to be posted on chapter 12 because i 'already reviewed chapter 13' meanies! _
Chevix chapter 13 . 12/24/2012
Well I hope you were serious when you wanted a critique earlier, though as an author I sure hope you are because that's what makes us better writers. Before I start I do want you to know I always feel crappy when I write this much as much as I will about fixing things. I don't want to make you think that I dislike your story, or make you feel like you should stop writing it because I certainly love the story and would really like you to continue it! However, as always there is room for improvement.

If I had to summarize my whole review I would have to say your major areas of error are rushing and explanations.

To start at the beginning. The first chapter and a bit after that it felt very jumbled. It felt like the start to a much shorter story where background of the characters and general knowledge of the world was less important to the plot. You start with a fight, which is a good and attention-getting and grabbed my interest, but after the fight you continued with the plot without going back to introduce the characters. Within the first chapter I had the completely wrong view of what it meant to be fae, a shaky view on Rinji who I only realized later was in a sexual relationship with Makani, not just, well a relationship without sex whatever you want to call that. Anyways, and also my knowledge about how magic works in this world was highly confused. (And still is a bit).

By the time Makani leaves Cantue I have a marginally better grasp of how magic works and a somewhat better view of Makani and Rinji, however I still do not have a physical description of either of our main characters! In the first few chapters out of everything that has to be the biggest missing chunk. I would have placed Makani in his twenties from what I had read of him, but from the knowledge shared later with Etuai I would presume it would be closer to his thirties, but again I have no idea. I also couldn't tell you if he was lean or muscular, dark haired or light, only that he has pointy ears. While it is bad to offer an info dump of description on the characters it is easy to work in a bit of information on their physique as you write about them. When Cantue pointed out his ears he could have responded by reaching up to his hair, to tuck it back to show off his ears (indicating that he was proud of his heritage) or to brush the hair over his ears to hide them (not wanting anyone to know). He doesn't have to add comment on this action, but the action itself would have given us some hints about him and when he did it you could have added in something along the lines of:

"You're one of the fey," Canute said, catching sight of Makani's ear through the fall of his hair.

"You're one of the observant," Makani replied, reaching up to his (insert color or small description here) hair tucking the stray lock behind his ear, feeling no need to be polite to this foreigner who'd just ruined his quest.

In that the reader would now have a small idea about Makani's hair and the knowledge, in this case that he wasn't about to hide his heritage. Even if you didn't state a length I have the perception that it is at least long enough to tuck behind the ears, which seemed appropriate since it is also long enough to semi hide his ears. There are other opportunities to add in description about his appearance such as when he is fighting, you can slip in a comment about whether or not his enemies would underestimate him because of his build, or describe how his slender limbs and long legs led him to be nimble or how he could feel the ample muscles in his arms bulge as he put more weight on the sword hitting the enemy harder or something to that extent though probably not that wording...

The other thing I thought of in this first few chapters is that this is really rushed. We are thrown into the plot, which is one rush, but Makani is in and out of the life-bond rather quickly, and I understood that it was because Canute was being chased that allowed Makani to break it quickly, but it still felt like a quick and dirty in and out for Makani to get the box to move the story to the next point. It also felt disjointed later on when it held little bearing on the actual plot of the story. In fact everything with Canute and Etuai felt like a filler until Makani got back on his quest to finish his bond to Rinji. That is not to say the story was unenjoyable, I found Etuai amusing and interesting (though some flaws will be mentioned later) and the mystery of Kauai's box was intriguing. However again because of the rushing the plot came out as less important. If you take time to build on the characters Canute, Etuai, and Kauai you will make that part of the plot seem more important.

Rushing through Canute's involvement also severed an opportunity for information gathering for the reader. Because Canute knew so little about magic, having Makani display magic in small ways along the trip offers times for explanation because Canute will ask questions, you demonstrated this with him asking about banned magic and we got a bit of knowledge about the church's role however it was more of a teaser then an actual explanation, enough to provide clues, but not enough to really inform or make accurate presumptions about magic and its rules etc.

Moving onto Etuai, yes I do think the trust was too quick. I think you tried to shift some of that to him (Etuai) being a lust mage and that giving him good instincts on people, but from what I experienced in that town and my now larger understanding of the church's role, I would have to say that the trust came to quickly. Etuai leaves him on the second day with twelve (if i remember right) tomes of black magic books, is quite careless with talking about his practices. While I am certainly not recommending Etuai rejecting Makani or denying all parts in black magic or something, I think it would have been better for him to be a bit more secretive at the beginning. However, it is part of Etuai's personality to be trusting, so a balance must be made between handing over all his life story and being closed off. You also did have a bit of problems with character change in Etuai, while part of it is getting to Etuai, the change felt a little more abrupt, and that is something that is hard to do. Personalities are tricky, at least they are for me, to pin sometimes and trying to introduce a change can be even more troublesome because first impressions that readers get are hard to erase. I feel that now that he is traveling with Makani you have an opportunity to cement Etuai's personality and develop him more. Right now he seems like a side character and 2-dimensional and depending on the role you want him to play you have a great opportunity to work with him to change that.

Along with Etuai, Kauai seems even less dimensional than Etuai. I at least can describe him from chapter three, but personality wise he has been very absent from the story and again it leaves me questioning what is the role of Kauai and his box in the story? It feels like he is going to be important with the quest since he recognized the symbol, and if he is going to be then good! I don't know your plans for the story, and I certainly am not about to tell you what I feel should be in the plot, that is not my goal with this at all, but I do want to recommend bringing Kauai's role into the story through the quest since you need some connections between Kauai/Canute/Etuai story line and the quest story line and that would work in your favor. I am getting the impression that Makani finding Kauai and the life bond will play a role later on with the church and quest, but I am reviewing an incomplete story so I can't say how well you did there.

Onto rushing, the plot overall has a sense of push to it, and not always an ideal push, more of a one chapter one idea, next chapter new idea type push, which leaves your story rather rushed with little down time between the action. While this is a high action story, it does need these lulls. I know writing the slow spots is tedious, a bit dull, and can also consequently loose readers interest if to long or to frequent, but it also provides a spot for character development (see a theme yet?). There were a couple big spots I saw for this such as on the ship when Makani sailed across the lake. Not only did we miss an action scene (The pirates) there was also the miss in tension with Makani being away from Rinji, which was built up before the departure of how hard it was going to be. Don't let go of that tension! One step to building a remarkable romantic relationship is the tension. As it is now the only tension between them is not being able to see each other whenever they want, they never really fight, never really show the full stress of the separation, and not once has it earned the M rating. While sex spots are sometimes overdone, one or two done well can be a very big dynamic in developing a relationship. Let us see how Makani and Rinji make love, what they say to each other, how it plays into their relationship. Also let us see how Makani suffers in Rinji's absence. You are doing better on this in the later chapters with them traveling and how upset Makani gets at Etuai for not allowing him to have Rinji present and that is great! Just give some more to it, keep it going. This helps us understand motivation, personality, temperament and such. Drama is important!

The other opportunity you missed for down time (getting back on track) is when they were traveling to the ghost mountain. Omeek is from what I have seen, a very curious boy and the trek would be a great way to introduce new information again through his questions. Also it would help us learn about the Onimee tribe, which I am still confused on what/who they are, if they have powers, etc. I kind of grasp them with having one person with magic power, but the whole tribe system seems a bit obscure still. While they weren't a big part of the story understanding also helps
jordan.riri chapter 13 . 10/12/2012
Love this story 3. Is it continued? Rinji is my favourite character,
Shamalan Grey chapter 13 . 9/2/2012
It's been so long since I've read your stories but they ate still as good as I remember. I hope, however, that you will continue this story. I enjoy reading about everyone tormenting Mikani.

rjaldi chapter 13 . 8/19/2012
Wow, Qui, I really like this story! I think it is very spectacular-awesome-fantastic-beautiful! I love Makani the most because he is so bad gerbil. Although I also like that Rinji is a carpenter. And I think it's clever how Etuai is always after everyone's sweet chicken! Please keep writing because this story helps me fend off the smallpox. Cheers, your beloved potato!

Now, in all seriousness, I wish you would take up the mantle of this story again...I hadn't read it in months, and upon refreshing myself with it...I would really love to see it completed. The characters here are awesome, and I'm fond of our fabulous four, especially Makani and Rinji...Makani's grumpiness is endearing, and the way Rinji is so loving and protective, totally yum!

Pretty please?
Chewing Gum chapter 13 . 6/12/2012
Excellent story Qui! I'm surprised I've not read it before now, I thought I'd already raided your profile thoroughly. Good job.
lovebird17 chapter 13 . 5/18/2012
"Wow, Qui, I really like this story! I think it is very red! I love Makani the most because he is so badly dressed. Although I also like that Rinji is a banker. And I think it's clever how Etuai is always after everyone's worn shoes! Please keep writing because this story helps me fend off the chicken-pox. Cheers, your beloved sock"

Yes? Yes. I thought so too. As for the real review:

I'm really sorry you haven't continued this, because, really, I would buy it if you had it up for sale. Which reminds me that I should put in a request for a credit card. Pesky things, credit cards, unfortunately, one can't do without if one wants to buy things from overseas. Which I do, badly.

I really want to read on, so will you please, please continue, as a belated birthday present? Pwetty pwease?

Purry love,

Ravenbolt chapter 13 . 3/12/2012
I have really enjoyed this story up to this point, the only thing i dont like about it is easily changable with immagination and that is simply that I hate men with long hair :3. So i just pretend they all have short hair .. I really like your characters, they all have their own tone which is enjoyably pleasant. I find it a bit annoying that all of the major characters you intorudce to us turn out to have some sort of gay crus though as well, i could accept Rinji, Makani, Kauai and Etuai but I got a bit annoyed when Omeek also had a gay crush, too much of a good thing and all that. Please dont introduce anymore gay/bi/sexmonster/whatever characters into the story unless they are flat straight, i feel like it dilutes the specialness of the main couple. With that said, i think the story is wonderful and very well written, i have always loved your work and I think i have read most of the stories you have authored. - Ravenbolt
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