Reviews for Vignettes
SmashedIce.X chapter 5 . 12/6/2011
This was really good, I'm intrigued as to what happens next actually! :)
A. Gray chapter 4 . 9/19/2011
While I'm not usually a fan of poetry I liked this. It had nice flow, and was an interesting read.
berley chapter 4 . 9/8/2011
Hmm, this was definitely interesting to read. I’m not sure if I’m a fan of how you formatted the poem. I personally wouldn’t have put page breaks between each stanza, or centered the text but that’s just my personal preference. I also noticed that you have an extra comma here and there in the poem that I thought messed with the flow a little bit.

I really liked how you subtly connected everything, and the imagery that you created with this piece in the descriptions. I think some of my favourite lines were the simplistic ones like ‘the spider that caught the fly’. I also really liked the general simplicity with the descriptions. You don’t use overly flowery words which really work for this piece.

What interesting use of the prompt as well! Good luck with the WCC.
Dragon made me do it chapter 4 . 9/5/2011
Oh this is really very good!

Although admittedly I haven't read a lot of poetry on here, this is one of the best I've seen on fiction press!

I like the way you connect the two scenes through your "dirty against clean" imagery, then through the spider in one scene who could have caught the fly in the other. You capture that part of the human brain that wants to see patterns and connections in things even when they are thousands of miles away, through very clever trickery.

I could see this working as a short film where you switch back and forth between the two, because it really feels like you can see immediately exactly what you have written.

'by a silly humans piece of metal' - should be human's

Excellent work and good luck on the contest!
RavenclawMoose chapter 4 . 9/5/2011
I really liked this. I liked the comparisons and the contrast between the two characters, and the general mood of the piece. The only issue I had was the line where you put "carnage" in parentheses. It felt a bit jarring, and I think it would have worked much better to either not have the word, or have it but not in parentheses.

RM
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 4 . 9/5/2011
A very interesting poem. I really enjoyed the flow of this; I things ran along rather smoothly. Of course, my knowledge of poetry is very limited (I'm terrible at writing it), but I could still appreciate the message you were trying to portray. I do like your use of alliteration throughout the poem, I thought it was well placed and created some cool sounding sentences. I'm a sucker for alliteration.

I also like at the end how you bring up the spider, and how she crushes the spider that could have killed the fly. I always have such a hard time reading into things... sometimes I think I'm kinda daft, but I was able to notice how the violence and cleaning went along side-by-side. It makes me wonder if the girl is cleaning up the blood.

[light lacking lustre in static illustrations.]

[the echoing of shiftless, restless bullets

resonates, like ripples in molasses.]

I thought these two lines were very powerful and my favorite throughout the poem.

Good luck in the WCC!
Narq chapter 4 . 9/5/2011
This poem is really interesting. I like the flow and the beat of it.

To make it easier on the eyes I thought you could've used shift enter for single spacing and normal enter for double spacing. That makes it a lot easier to do stanzas.

"light lacking lustre in static illustrations." - beautiful!
rgarner31 chapter 4 . 9/5/2011
oh geese do i love that end line! bleach, bleach, bleach it clean, the way it was before. kinda sounds like the line from mcbeth with the witches making the potion-aw well, really cool line!

So imma be honest-i was rather confused by most of this at first, though if im not mistaken i think i figured out that your using two different story lines running? i did really like your description though, it was really nice, and i liked how you tied in the bloody hand and the fly from the prompt :)

Good luck in the WCC!

(the competition :P XD)