Reviews for Professor Irae: Mix'N'match
Queen of the Shadylands chapter 7 . 2/9/2011
Ou I think you should keep this chapter. I liked her and her history and the whole talking to spells, is this a rare ability? and his major spell was interguing,though I was not sure about how much Irae was meant to know, he has been training against it but ithas not happened yet? Is it still hanging over his head, as in still going to happen at some point. So if he stores all the bed luck, has he only actually experienced good luck? Loved the description of the spells as being like playful kittens.

-Queen of the Shadylands.
Queen of the Shadylands chapter 6 . 2/8/2011
Hello there. Sorry for the major gap between reading, wish I could give you a good excuse but I cant so I sharnt. Anyhow, I loved how they were uncertainly how to take his deathlist and the code word was cool idea, His Imperial Highness and I use Large Vegitarian as a code word, though sometimes it is difficult to mix that casually into a conversation.

'A bottle full of pheromones? A high frequency emission device which caused nearby humans to become disorientated? An alpha or beta wave inhibitor which remotely blocked a brain's capacity for higher reasoning?Magic?' Can I have one of these for the next time me nephews come down?

The only problem line was 'Bethany received hers, opened it up and found it to be almost the same as the one she'd sent.

opened what?' I was not sure what she had opened. Otherwise all good. Shall read on when I can.

-Queen of the Shadylands.
Queen of the Shadylands chapter 4 . 11/14/2010
I don’t think that you filled in enough back ground and characterization and there were some confusions with some of the lines. I want to know what Irae’s relationship with these people is. You told me that he and the principle had previously met but I don’t know how well they know each other, could be a brief meeting or more reputation than anything. The same for the other fellow and why the immediately jump to defence with the daughter? Why would Irae have an interest in his daughter? Does Irae have a bad reputation. If you could, give a bit more detail as to his dislike of Irae. I get the feeling that he thinks that Irae is up to something mischivious but I don’t know why. I do like the sound of the principles, particulary the vice principle cos he sounds sneaky and like he could cause trouble for Irae.

‘And I have changed; I've accepted the inevitable in terms of my condition. It made dealing with the problems inherent with it, a snap’

"Which… Oh, I see. And how did you?- no wait. I want to see if I can work this one out for myself." He paused and assumed a grossly over-exaggerated pose of deep contemplation.

"The compulsion remains even now?" He boomed, enthusiasm arcing from every syllable.

"Just so sir. But the solution negates it on a personal basis." … Next time, you can tell me If I've guessed right about the nature of your solution."

It took re-reading over these lines the next morning to work out that they were talking about Irae’s weakness. I know that you want to keep his weakness a secret but you must then remember that the audience doesn’t know. It is a bit like tuning into a strangers conversation half way though and it left me a little confused. I don’t know the history so I need a bit more explaining else for it to be a little less criptic. Also, though mystery and intergue can be fun it can also become annoying, careful not to tease to much.

Sorry if this seems all negative.

-Queen of the Shadylands.
Queen of the Shadylands chapter 3 . 11/6/2010
Hello there. Sorry for taking so long to read the next chapter, but my laptop decided to hide away after the move, anyhow. I'm chuffed to see you took some of my advice for the previous chapter, never had that happen before. Plus your pacing out of the paragraphs was much easier to read.

I liked this chapter better than the last. Some good descirption, particulary like the zip slide and her jumping off the roof and rolling. This chapter was pased better too. The only problems I saw was the opening line which like in the last chapter I think sound be integrated into the text more and 'declaim verses on the depravity of youth' I thought it was orgionally a comment on his oldness and so was confused but when I read on I saw that it meant that he was looking moodily at Irae. There was also the free running ending which I thought seemed a bit strange, to start sprinting when your introducing a newcomer to the school. This chapter was much better paced out too and easier to read.

Will read on when I can. Good luck with your exams.

-Queen of the Shadylands.
NsShadowSerpent chapter 3 . 11/1/2010
"The thought wriggled and slipped from her consciousness like a fish that had unhooked itself from her line of inquiry, the suspicion sank into the dark waters of her unconscious mind and disappeared."

From here on downward, you got really good. From the way you describe things and the suggestions you provided, you've got a darn good descriptive edge.

A small suggestion whenever you get around to correcting.

-...The gun was withdrawn; the boy and it was a boy!...-

and here.

-...It was a boy...-

It's been established that the person in question is a boy, so maybe you could use another term to describe him, maybe young man or something, or completely take out the second "It was a boy" line. I dunno, I just wanted to offer some suggestions since the same's been done for me, lol.

Otherwise, a very good chapter. I really liked how Ibis managed to run into Irae, the falling from the room and looking up to meet him was detailed. I liked it.

NsShadowSerpent
NsShadowSerpent chapter 2 . 11/1/2010
"You can be serious, this insane amount is my tuition fee!... Oh, and damages. Right."

Thanks for reviewing Mahou Shojo Miyabita Hana. I'm not too good at pointing out technical details of a story, but on to the review!

"Dean. One day, I will kill you, burn you, bake the ashes into a three tiered cake and then feed them to hungry alligators while dancing round singing hallelujah. Fear that day."

lol, I really like the humor here. The dean is probably my favorite character right now, due mostly because I like enigmatic characters. Can't believe he created a barrier just for something like that.

For some reason, at the end of your chapter, you started spacing out your words and it looked a bit cleaner. Hope you'll find sometime to go back over it and edit it up.

NsShadowSerpent
Drake-El chapter 1 . 10/27/2010
It was a good begining, but i didn't know there was magic in the begining. but it got confusing at the fourth chapter.
NsShadowSerpent chapter 1 . 10/26/2010
Ahh... revise and edit!

I know you've said in your profile that words seem all the same, like text, but if you're hoping to create more traffic for feedback from readers, you'll have to clean up the pages just a bit. If you can't get around to doing it on your own, check out a beta reader to see if they can do it for you. It really makes it easier on the readers eyes. But I understand how you feel.

On to the story review:

It's pretty vague for a first chapter, but I'm assuming it's a prologue so it's understandable. I love foreboding prologues.

"Fiat Panis!" he blew on the mound of watery flour and salt causing it to fountain up in slow motion. It twisted like white smoke, billowing out even as the symbol now etched into the table glowed; drawing it back in to a ball. Light radiated from it and a soft breeze blew out, taking with it the smell of yeast."

I like this here. I'm always a sucker for good descriptive detail. It's my favorite part about reading a story when you can clearly pain a picture in the mind of the reader.

Hoping we'll find more about Irae in the upcoming chapters.

NsShadowSerpent
Mac Tire Airgid chapter 1 . 10/26/2010
I really like this chapter, its interesting and I find myself really wanting to read more and find out about Irae, just thought I'd add to the reviews with my paltry opinion :D
Queen of the Shadylands chapter 2 . 10/25/2010
So he is a genius magic chef? Well that certainly is different. I must say, so far I am picturing this as an anime, not sure why but it seems most fitting plus my friend has been getting me to watch this anime series called hostclub and so that is in my head at the moment. For the most part it needs editing and a few other things which I have made note of and will send to you when I get the chance. Will read on when I can.

-Queen of the Shadylands.
Queen of the Shadylands chapter 1 . 10/25/2010
Ok, intreguing, a young boy with strong maical power and no memory. I loved the opening describing the lack of memory but I must ask exactly how to pronounce the name, I've been calling him I-ray, is that right, my mum thought it looked celtic.

I found three problems in this. The Magical probe needed a bit more description of exactly what it was. Is it mind to mind trick, was it from a wand, was it a spoken spell? And which ever it was what did it look like? A magic light, a vulcan meld. Is this an average enchantment done when someone is distressed as he did not ask the boys permission or ask him any questions just straight to looking into his eyes. I liked the eyes though, there is nothing like a good pair of ominious black eyes, no wonder that coal eyes children story was so creepy.

The other problem was '"Can't r'm'b'r." "Where do you live." "I Don't…" "Who brought you here?" "no one"' You should have had a new line with each of these and capital letter with the last one.

Then finally and this may just be me, 'Fiat Panis' made me giggle cos it sounds like a make of car and I had the iage of him producing a fancy car from flour and water which, in all fairness would have been awesome.

Beyond that it was good and I think you did well with the attitude of a little boy.

-Queen of the Shadylands.