Reviews for Heaven's Waiting Room Nights
deefective chapter 1 . 2/22/2011
I liked this a lot, actually. The imagery is very quiet in a way but still vivid and clear. I liked the sense of subtlety and simplicity that I got from it even though the scenes you're describing aren't. Your word choice is great as well. They all string together beautifully and the flow is almost perfect. Only thing I'd watch out for is the spelling errors. I spotted a few and it kind of ruins the piece because I end up concentrating on the mistakes instead of the actual piece. But overall, nicely done.
Lost In Segue chapter 1 . 11/17/2010
The water in the air almost/congealing into fog,/but not quite,/as these complementary elements/mix into discord.

Vivid and well phrased. The break between 'almost' and 'congealing' is felt from word choice without the need for extra punctuation.

Also, when I first read the line, 'Men breather it in,' I read it, Men breather in it (that's quasi-dyslexia for you), which with the line, 'the rum spiced with 100 degree heat,' gives a strong image. I just thought to mention it because I've never seen breather used as a verb and thought it might be interesting.

With first-over, I thought the repetition of 'night' was a bit much. But looking at it again, it adds to your overall sentiment of Florida. However, next time tell us how you really feel.

In all honesty, I envy your style: raw, naturally flowing and composed; the summary was a bit sharp, but that's you.