|Reviews for The Playground|
| Revamp chapter 1 . 1/29/2012
Thank you for the great review on Psychopath. It was very appreciated and a warm welcome for me coming back to FictionPress after a year of hiatus.
Now, onto my review of this story. I liked your descriptive style, it's very fluid and I could really visualize your settings and characters well. I also liked your symbolism behind the way the main character looked at the park past and present. It's something that I can identify with, as the feelings and memories behind a place really transform as you age.
All in all, it's a great piece.
| InvaderV chapter 1 . 10/8/2011
This is so melancholy.
But REALLY well done, showing how people change over a trasition in time!
| Yuuenchi chapter 1 . 7/25/2011
You've written a good story of longing for the past, of memories being brought up short by reality, of a melancholy introspection of a time in a young person's life when expectations were shattered, but it could have been a great story if you had drawn out the implications of the party in detail like you brought out what the plaground meant.
A few points to consider:
The ending of the story feels very abrupt, as though it compressed everything that happened afterwards into that next to the last paragraph. Kyra doesn't say what consequences occurred to her as a result of the party, which I as a reader might expect based on her opening sentence "It all started with that invitation." Unless you mean for Kyra's final comment "a least its all for the better" to be ironic, it seems jarringly out of place, and even if we are meant to take that as sarcastic irony, it still comes across as jarring, a wart on an otherwise beautiful face. We don't know how much time has elapsed for the narrator since the events, and that makes it difficult to interpret what Kyra means in her final sentence.
The party and the playground seem to have enormous resonnance for Kyra. You have Kyra write about the history or parties past in her school, and bring Kyra to the playground to get away, and then return to the party. Its sad that the party ruined the playground as a sense of refuge for Kyra, but understandable. A couple of things puzzled me though, and I want to bring them to your attention:
The playground has a powerful emotive force for Kyra it appears, and yet the ending seems to shrug off its meaning for her.
Another thing that puzzles me is why, after going to such lengths to avoid the party, Kyra in the end passively allows Sara to drag her there anyway.
You wrote a great lead-up to Kyra's confrontation with Sara; I only wish you could have gone into the party itself a little more. In the future then, you should balance out how much you write for the beginning and ending.
And now the good stuff!
I do like the mixture of paragraph lengths setting off each new idea, each new focus in the story. I also like how Kyra spends most of her time simply relaying the facts, without trying to analyze what is happening to her, giving us instead the immediacy of a past experience.
Best of all, you had a definite story to tell, and you knew where you wanted to go with it. I liked your writing and your organization, and do look forward to reading more from you, so keep up the good work!
| Mourningstar13 chapter 1 . 10/24/2010
That's sad. Sometimes people really do change as we grow up.