|Reviews for Penumbrae|
| Alyson chapter 7 . 1/21
I'm thinking that Grace and Eiden are from the Dark Kingdom...and Caelum is trapped inside of Eiden. They're some kind of demons, maybe? The whole Light/Air/Fire Kingdom thing is kind of cliche- I like the idea, but maybe give them different names?
| Alyson chapter 6 . 1/21
I'm really loving this story! It's very creative and you write fabulously. Some parts of it are predictable- Jenna and Grace are sisters, Eiden and Lupen are brothers? That makes the most sense. The italic parts are really cool, but they actually give away alot, especially the part last chapter where Grace explained about the God of Sun, Goddess of Moon thing. The parellism between Lupen and Eiden is interesting though. Anyway, great job! The story is very engrossing, and I love the title!
| M.R. Hill chapter 28 . 1/11
- Nice little detail with the light and coming from the underground.
- I missed the airship! Quickly, to it!
- Can probably drop the "he was right" part, shows for itself with following sentence.
- Sky plants! XDD Uh... manipulate the seeds in the wind or something!
- Feel for Jenna's helpessness when they're getting attack. You definitely weaved a nice feel of chaos with all that.
- That's no mountain... IT'S A SPACE BASE! ...Or a volcano. But an evil volcano!
- I hope Jenna does recover her memory. Or Zeph steals her memory back or something. Also, love Zeph playing the royalty card there. In final leg of things with huge convo, got caught up in all that big time. It flowed pretty easily for me, to point where I forgot to write down more notes. XD Regardless, I'm definitely looking forward to start of this new arc now.
| M.R. Hill chapter 25 . 12/25/2013
- Might want to use a comma & dash early on with parts. To be precise, it would make part read She, surprisingly, missed her family. Also, I'd probably cut out the dash and use shorter sentence following, going She even missed her mother's constant moaning. Shorter sentences have more power at this part than dashes, or least that's what I think. At where I'd go for a dash, probably when she's talking about the streets or maybe a comma.
- Man this has a nice tragic touch early on with all she's missing and her beginning to forget things! :(
- I just remembered one of my favorite things about your writing! The delivery and way you convey emotions with your style is so grand. Your flow & way to touch things is great and love hit on small details at times, such as her looking at the mirror and thinking that about her image. Plus makes me legit worry for her memories.
- Convo between two, just has nice exchange between the two and feels pretty natural to me. Also, Well played persuasion, Jenna! And love the use of stomach worshiping the food, might not need the italicize at worshiping, it's strong on it's own and short sentence use doesn't really need to draw attention to how well written.
- Laughed at Lucan Polite part.
- Criminal tournament?! Name is a bit on the nose, but regardless, I'm really curious where this is heading! Especially with those 3 in it. Curious if there will be any others featured in this little event or not. Regardless, this is heating up.
- Sentence after "Don't let Caelum die!" might work better for speed if you put "Go away!" Jenna yelled just as loud instead of it broken down into 2 sentences. Makes it less choppy.
- Overcome her?! D: I wonder what exactly she has plan to do here. Take over her body, destroy Jenna's conscious? Well, this should be interesting! I love the way you keep the drama building and building here!
| EternityBliss chapter 54 . 12/16/2013
Wow. That's all I can say.
I just started reading this, and couldn't stop - wouldn't stop. This was so amazing. Perfect, even.
Keep writing, don't stop! Please? I am going to make an account JUST to follow this story.
c: I hope you update. If not soon, than update before New Years. XD
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 54 . 12/16/2013
You need to update this! I enjoyed the last few action packed chapters. I was surprised to read that Eidan raped Jenna-I did not see that one coming at all! I really enjoyed reading about Mana and Zeph; I think you wrote them very well. This story is worth the read and I will be waiting and looking for updates!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 43 . 12/10/2013
Lots of action in the past couple of chapters. I do enjoy reading all of the warning that Jenna gets-you write those very well. I also think you did a great job writing Lucan. I can't wait to read the last few chapters. Great work!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 24 . 11/30/2013
I hope Zeph is okay! He is probably my favourite character in this story! I also feel really bad for Eidan and Jenna-Eidan has no idea why Jenna is being so mean to him! I am still love with your chapter titles-I don't know why they are so amusing to me. I can't wait to read more!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 13 . 11/24/2013
The Zeph and Jenna scene made me laugh so hard. I love how innocent he was whenever he said that she loved bondage I also really enjoy your character titles and subtitles-both are really witty. Great work and I can't wait to read more!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 1 . 11/17/2013
I found this chapter to be very attention grabbing. I think it is a nice start to what you have going here. I also liked the quote at the start of the chapter as well as the definition of penumbrae at the end. Great start!
| stuckinbed chapter 1 . 10/21/2013
Hi! Your story has been added over at A Drop Of Romeo, to the Supernatural/Fantasy Category :)
Here's your review:
Click on the link. You may look at the number of chapters (54) and its status (incomplete) and the last time it was updated (4/13/13) and run away, thinking it's not worth your time. You'd be wrong, incredibly wrong. Because, despite everything that goes against it, despite it having numerous characters, and long chapters, it works. And it works incredibly well.
The story almost seems like a cliché in the beginning, with a princess, Jenna and her best friend, Eiden, and an arranged marriage on the horizon. But it's part of its magic. seredemia lets everything seem so done-before, when actually the story is complex, woven across characters and events - both belonging to the and present, so that a beautiful embroidery comes together. It tells a tale that you certainly don't want to miss; that you’d be crazy to miss out on.
| Black is Beautiful chapter 54 . 10/1/2013
I've really enjoyed reading Penumbrae I can't wait to read your next update!
| M.R. Hill chapter 24 . 7/20/2013
- Zeph/Alexander part actually threw me off for a moment. I'll assume the whole not having read in a while factor was it. Regardless, do remember all stuff with him and Zeph does still remain around top of list.
- Mana at the beginning :( You're really effective when it comes to torturing your characters, it definitely earns the woobie points. Well that and you make them effectively charming in own ways. Such as his comment on how he failed at that.
- I love the interactions between the two. Something about way you capture it just has a very good flow to it. Hell, even little things like how you're doing, shit, blah blah blah, her reaction to seeing him there, etc. You just bring it all together so very well. You're characters have excellent chemistry with one another as always.
| M.R. Hill chapter 22 . 7/20/2013
- Screw it, I want to post a little something on this one!
- First, I love the complication with the mistaken identity there and how it caused plan to go off. Also enjoyed seeing internal thoughts there, trying to figure out an approach, and just how it fails. Again, makes for great suspense.
- Also, another thing I realized - or least don't think I have - complimented you on is world building. More I like how you sprinkle little details throughout that we progressively learn on, such as the differences from people in each nation in looks which is part of reason his plan failed.
- Back to reading!
| M.R. Hill chapter 21 . 7/20/2013
- Refreshing to really start digging into this again. Remembering why I enjoy your style so much
- Little moments of personality and character I do enjoy I wish to note, with each character still feeling their own identity as a whole. Even the ways you get it in small ways, such as dialogue, I do enjoy.
- "Why are we in a toilet?"" part I just laughed. No clue why, but I did.
- Eidan's struggle is easily one of my favorite things in this chapter. His inner thoughts, struggle to not act on things, and so forth I find compelling still and I think the mystery of where he'll lean to, the unpredictable element, the suspense, etc. is excellent.
- Also, glad to see fiance dude come back up. I'll admit I did forget about it.
- I'm going to read up on a few, non-stop. So while you won't see reviews immediately, I will be reading. Just saving it all for one thing that can incorporate all my feelings without repeating things.
- Also, the thing I do enjoy about your writing style is the combination of minimalism while also bringing everything together with them. If I can put it best, you paint an effective picture while also having a fast pace, making it easy to fit plenty into a chapter while also not making feel bogged down.