|Reviews for Penumbrae|
| Thieves R Us chapter 22 . 7/20/2013
- Screw it, I want to post a little something on this one!
- First, I love the complication with the mistaken identity there and how it caused plan to go off. Also enjoyed seeing internal thoughts there, trying to figure out an approach, and just how it fails. Again, makes for great suspense.
- Also, another thing I realized - or least don't think I have - complimented you on is world building. More I like how you sprinkle little details throughout that we progressively learn on, such as the differences from people in each nation in looks which is part of reason his plan failed.
- Back to reading!
| Thieves R Us chapter 21 . 7/20/2013
- Refreshing to really start digging into this again. Remembering why I enjoy your style so much
- Little moments of personality and character I do enjoy I wish to note, with each character still feeling their own identity as a whole. Even the ways you get it in small ways, such as dialogue, I do enjoy.
- "Why are we in a toilet?"" part I just laughed. No clue why, but I did.
- Eidan's struggle is easily one of my favorite things in this chapter. His inner thoughts, struggle to not act on things, and so forth I find compelling still and I think the mystery of where he'll lean to, the unpredictable element, the suspense, etc. is excellent.
- Also, glad to see fiance dude come back up. I'll admit I did forget about it.
- I'm going to read up on a few, non-stop. So while you won't see reviews immediately, I will be reading. Just saving it all for one thing that can incorporate all my feelings without repeating things.
- Also, the thing I do enjoy about your writing style is the combination of minimalism while also bringing everything together with them. If I can put it best, you paint an effective picture while also having a fast pace, making it easy to fit plenty into a chapter while also not making feel bogged down.
| DutchAver chapter 54 . 7/3/2013
Why, hello there. I think I'm still alive. Or something.
Anyway. Been taking a break from FP for a while, but I'm back D And ready to roll again, so let's go. Anyway, if you thought your chapter was late, it's nothing compared to this review xD
Let's start with your ending. I love it, and I love how you're now starting to reveal your plan. We're close to the end, right? It was a surprise to find Ethel being behind the whole thing, even though you foreshadowed it quite a bit. So Ethel really is evil? But then, what's the reason behind her causing such a mess? Does she like it for some reason, or does she thrive on the curse? Or, is she good after all, even though her means are wrong? After all, she now tries to have the clones dead, so that the curse will be broken. But then, why letting the Air Kingdom crash on the Earth Kingdom? You're going to need at least one chapter in which you tell us all about her motive xD
It might just be me, but I'm having some troubles accepting that Jenna has forgiven Eidan for walking away and leaving her son behind now. Everything's all right between them at the end of the chapter, I think, and I feel that it's too soon for that. But I could be wrong.
Anyway, great chapter! Hope this review will motivate you to start updating again, because I really want to know how it ends!
| Vivace.Assai chapter 54 . 6/11/2013
[She saw his eyes behind the mask and found nothing but a blank canvas of blue.] This sentence is so beautiful. Actually the entire paragraph this sentence belongs to is incredibly beautiful. Looking back at your older chapters, I’ve definitely noticed that your writing has matured a lot. You’ve gotten so beautiful at expressing your imagery and the characters and their thoughts; in a way, your writing is almost poetry at moments. So I’ve definitely enjoyed your writing (I always have), and I love how it sets such a marvelous tone for everything! Because that paragraph definitely made everything seem so much more morose.
OKAY. LUCAN IS PSYCHOTIC. I am sorry, but this isn’t the same Lucan I knew and loved (well, I kind of guessed that from the past few chapters but now that he’s actually talked…). I do love the conversation between Jenna and him though. Lucan definitely knows what buttons to push, and I think he’s very effective at playing with Jenna’s mind. Though I hate to admit it, it’s probably because half of the things he is saying are slightly true. He’s definitely twisted the words, but there’s some logic behind what he mentions. In fact, his mention of fairy tales is wonderful when juxtaposed with the last chapter. When Eidan is helping Jenna dress, she herself thinks back to the fairy tales of her childhood, of Eidan being her prince. It’s clear Lucan has hit the mark and Jenna is bothered by it. But it’s definitely sad to think how Jenna dreamed so much of a happier life but her reality was never made for fairy tales and pure, innocent bliss. This girl has definitely been through a lot, and it’s shocking to think she’s only around my age and she has to endure so much.
[Perhaps things would be okay, in time.] Okay, so this conversation is really sweet and uplifting but I can’t help but think: Oh no, there isn’t that much time left for them… But anyways, I really enjoyed the scene between Mana and Eidan. It was a very nice moment, and I loved how Mana stopped Eidan before he could talk about how awesome she was—that is just like Mana to support Eidan but leave the cheesy complimentary, sappy talk.
But the conversation definitely shed so much more light into Jenna’s situation. I thought the mention of what happened when she gave birth to Vincent to be kind of adorable and tragically sad. Even after all this time, she still wanted to hold onto some part of Eidan. It really might have been better if Eidan had been with her throughout the three years. But anyways, I feel so sad for what has happened to Jenna and the fact she’s still able to get through everything relatively intact is amazing. This girl is pretty strong, or at least, she tries very hard to be strong.
[He didn't even blink. Lucan merely cast a glance at his wounded shoulder and narrowed his eyes at her.] OKAY. THIS IS GUY IS PSYCHOTIC AND NOT HUMAN ANY LONGER. He doesn’t even blink after he gets shot by a bullet?! WHAT? WHAT? WHAT IS HE? It’s clear the darkness has severely affected Lucan all these years, and I just don’t know anymore. He scares me. He scares me so much.
[Behind her eyelids, she could see the old Lucan; the Lucan who went to that festival with her when they first met, the Lucan who held her hand during those awful tournaments in the Earth Kingdom, the Lucan who cried when his family died. She remembered how he used to be so polite and kind and pure, because if she was going to die at his hand right now, then she would rather remember Lucan as the prince that he was, not the murderer.] Great juxtaposition by having us reminded of what Lucan used to be. It’s been awhile since we’ve met Lucan and the last time we saw him, he was shooting arrows at Jenna. The other last time we saw him, he was killing Celeste. And the last time we saw him before that, he was slowly going insane and sending Eidan and Jenna to their deaths. So this paragraph is a good reminder of what Lucan used to be—a good, kind guy who was really helpful and the epitome of light. And the fact that we’re reminded of what Lucan used to be, we’re even more appalled by what has happened to him. He has clearly changed beyond repair, and the monstrous being who is attacking Jenna… that’s not him. Because the old Lucan used to be so forgiving. The recent events have been quite horrifying, and I’m sad that so much has changed between everybody.
[Eidan pulled his arm away from her. She let him, dropping her gaze. Fine. If he really wanted to leave again, then she would not stop him. He must have taken her earlier words to heart. He was really going to leave again. Fine. If that was what he- / He took her hand.] Well, that’s just adorable. The rape issue is still lingering in my mind, but I find it really cute that they’re at least unified together and supporting each other when the big bad wolf decides to strike.
["You better be back," the thief barked. "I am not babysitting this kid for the rest of my life." / Jenna smiled. It was nice to know that he clearly cared for their safety.] Haha… Oh Zeph… I still love his charming character so much.
Please give me a minute to process what has just happened.
SO IT’S NOT JUST LUCAN WHO’S A PSYCHOPATH BUT ALSO ETHEL? Okay, I kind of knew that Ethel was kind of crazy and not really of the right mind but… THEY ARE NOW DEALING WITH TWO PSYCHOS?
This is bad… This is very, very, very, very, very bad…
The plot has just gotten a lot more intense with this chapter, and now I cannot wait for the next update. You’ve seriously outdone yourself. I never thought things could get crazier than they’ve already have. Good job. You managed to do it.
But now I’m really confused. What does Ethel hope to gain by getting all the reincarnations of the curse into the same room? What does she want to do and why does she want to do it? Why does she want to destroy the Earth Kingdom? What is her part in this whole entire curse thing? There are so many parts to this entire mess and so far, none of those parts have quite meshed together well yet. And this is becoming incredibly bothersome and worrisome. I really do wonder how you’re going to resolve everything.
And what has happened to Caelum? And the maze and the game… I’m seriously freaking out now.
This has been an awesome chapter! It captured my attention from beginning to end and I am incredibly excited to read what happens next.
Thanks for such an amazing read and thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with us unworthy human beings.
| Vivace.Assai chapter 53 . 6/11/2013
Okay. So there’s holding a masquerade ball as a ploy to capture Lucan? You just really wanted to put a masquerade ball into this story, didn’t you? O.o
Just kidding! Just kidding! :P
That is actually a pretty interesting idea. And I am all for including masquerade balls into every story! I love masquerade balls, and I think it adds a different dynamic to the plan. I mean you could have done a stakeout or something of the like, but this ball makes things more interesting. There’s more opportunity for drama to occur, for missteps to be made, for a different spice to be added into the story. Because just fighting and spying gets a little bit boring, so I like how you’re shaking things up a bit!
["Could you get Mana? I need her to lace up my dress." / There was a brief pause. / "Mana already left," Eidan slowly replied, his voice barely audible behind the door. "She and Zeph left for the palace a few minutes ago."] OH GOD. (I am reviewing as I go along). EIDAN IS GOING TO HAVE TO LACE THIS DRESS FOR JENNA, ISN’T HE?
Yeah, but that aside… I definitely feel incredibly discomfited (like Jenna does) with this entire situation, since she was raped, regardless of the fact she loved the man who raped her. And rape is a very… sensitive topic. I’m not entirely certain how they’ll regain the trust with each other anymore (and I’m sorry if I keep talking about their impaired relationship in these past few chapters—it’s just taken me awhile to finally get my bearings and truly be able to dissect everything), or rather Jenna regain her trust in Eidan. And in a way, though I love these two characters together, I can’t really see them being together because there’s that one thorn in their perfect rose. Eidan, under the influence of the darkness, did a very horrifying thing. And as this chapter demonstrates, when Eidan is helping her lace up the dress, Jenna can’t ever escape what happened between the two. And I can’t ever see her being able to escape it, no matter how much she loves Eidan. I’m conflicted with all of what has happened because of love and the other more painful stuff. So there’s that serious note. I’m seriously curious how you’re going to resolve this.
[But the music dropped in pitch, dropping lower and lower until it rumbled dangerously in her ears. It reminded her of thunder, shattering through her dreamlike state and crashing her back to reality.] Beautiful writing, right there.
So we knew this was going to happen. We all knew there was going to be a moment when Jenna and Eidan had to argue with each other and Jenna had to tell him to get out of his life (or at least, I kind of knew this was going to happen). And now it’s happened. I don’t really know what to say about this, but I think you handled the scene very nicely. I enjoyed how Eidan brought his newfound fatherhood into the mix. I enjoyed how Jenna brought his absence and the fact that she can survive without him into the argument. And the sting with the darkness argument was a pretty good move too. I think this argument was very realistic and it hit exactly what I expected from the characters if such an argument were to happen. I also think you’ve managed to really explain how Jenna feels—she’s been in absolute conflict ever since this three year timeskip. She’s been in love with Eidan but scared that she’ll love everything again. And now, she’s finally realized the truth. Jenna is truly trying to protect herself, and this reaction is understandable and very, very human. And I think you’ve captured her conflict perfectly, having her have a rush of emotions in these past few chapters until she’s finally narrowed into the truth in this chapter.
So kudos for that scene! I really liked where you went with it.
[When she looked up, she was met with a figure dressed entirely in white. His clothes were majestic, as if sewn by the most talented of seamstresses. Gold lined the edges of his sleeve, like drunken rays of pure sunlight. However, his shirt was stained with red, and she was unsure if it was just the design or if it was blood. A tattered cape hung at his back; torn wings from a fallen angel, white and grey and stained with crimson. / Despite the strange purity that he held, it was his mask that sent shivers up her spine. It looked like a skull, and only his lips were visible; the rest of his face screamed death. His blond hair was tied into a ponytail that dangled over one shoulder, and it was the hair that made him instantly recognisable. / Lucan.]
THAT WAS SERIOUSLY THE MOST INTENSE DESCRIPTION AND LAST THREE PARAGRAPHS EVER.
Great chapter! Now onto the last one that’s updated!
| Vivace.Assai chapter 52 . 6/11/2013
[How many times had she imagined this very scene? Dreaded it with every ounce of her heart, or dreamt of it as a solution to her grief, or a penance for her anger, or a path into rage? How many versions of this scene had she thought of – where Eidan would beg for forgiveness, or she would demand answers, or he would look at disgust at their child, or she would cry and cry some more?] OH THE FEELS. HOW THEY RETURN. HOW THEY RETURN. But really, this paragraph was really beautifully done. It managed to capture Jenna’s emotions very nicely, how conflicted she has been by this whole experience and how uncertain she is that this moment has now happened.
[It felt as if he was a breath away, and yet they were still miles apart.] ASDJFLKSJDLFSDJFLDS. NOOOOOOOOO! WHY?!
But anyways, that scene between Jenna and Eidan made me very sad (well, I was already sad but that’s beside the point). However, it gave a lot better justification into Jenna’s psychology for all of this. I think you do incredibly well in portraying your characters’ psyche and explaining why they do what they do. And that’s why readers get so wrapped up in the story because they easily connect with the characters and easily understand them. I like how you make Jenna so conflicted. Half of her yearns for Eidan, but the other half is trying to be strong—or at least, what Jenna feels is strong and that’s being independent and away from Eidan. And of course, there’s the reason of Vincent having a normal life (though I somehow feel that’s a smaller part of the whole issue… which is she’s just afraid of getting hurt again and wants to instead distance herself from Eidan to protect herself). Life has definitely changed for the characters. While Eidan has been off mastering and training, Jenna has been forced to become a mother and to have to deal with all these issues; it’s kind of obvious they can’t return to their past anymore. And so, I like how you’re admitting that fact and putting these barriers between the two. Of course, as a reader, I don’t like the barriers, but as a fellow author, I feel the barriers were good choices to add.
And ooohhhh… Okay. That scene when they were talking about the curse is uncomfortable. I do feel like you could have made it a lot more tense, since that scene felt a little bit rushed. But nevertheless, I’m kind of shocked Jenna reacted the way she did. Clearly Eidan’s appearance has heavily affected her and any sense of her reason. And I still feel really bad about this decision; Grace is Eidan’s sister. But now… I’m wondering if Ethel is telling the truth about “killing the clones” or if it was just another ploy. I wouldn’t put it past Ethel. That girl is crazy. Very crazy. And scary.
[Eidan was quite surprised at his ability to talk, but he supposed that three year olds could talk freely at this age. He wasn't really sure; his experience with children was limited.] This is exactly how I feel too, Eidan. This is exactly how I feel too.
[Thankfully, three year olds weren't known to suspect lies or deceit, therefore Vincent carried on eating his ice cream.] Haha, poor innocent Vincent.
But I just love the portrayal of Vincent! He acts clearly like a little kid. He makes all these comments in innocence, not even knowing that they gravely affect the other characters (like the eye color comment). He also loves his ice cream (but everybody loves ice cream… not just little kids). So I think you nailed the personality really well! And that scene between Vincent and Eidan. It was just so adorable. It’s just kind of nice having a happy little scene like that with all the pain and suffering that’s been dealt out for these past couple of chapters.
But then Jenna appears and all my feels return. That whole conversation between the two was so heart-wrenchingly painful to read. I don’t know what to say. I like how you made everything so awkward between the two because there is so much between them now, things that can’t really be ignored. Then, there’s the part when Jenna said that she wish he didn’t leave her. I seriously feel like that situation three years ago was a lose-lose thing. Staying caused Jenna a lot of pain, but leaving also caused Jenna pain. Either way, Jenna was in pain due to Eidan, and I seriously don’t think things could have ever been better. Maybe if Eidan had remained, the wound would have eventually healed and they wouldn’t be as distant from each other. But I don’t know. I seriously feel like these characters were going to have to deal with tragedy, no matter what. And that’s what makes these two’s story so much more tragic and ironic.
But anyways… as for musings about the plot: I really like how the plot is picking up! I’m excited for the upcoming chapters (and I shall definitely be devouring the last two chapters that have been updated thus far today). But the question that has been posed about Lucan makes me wonder… I do think he is being manipulated, and if the italicized sections are referring to him, then I think it’s the “savior” who is manipulating him. I would bet my money that “savior” is Ethel because she’s really starting to look like one of the major antagonists of this story. But I don’t know what she’s going to be doing. Or why she’s doing it. And how this all plays into the curse. This is getting so complex, and I am just excited to see how you’re able to wrap things up!
Thanks for the great read!
| Vivace.Assai chapter 51 . 6/11/2013
Back to review! I’m hoping I can catch up to all your chapters today but I’m also hoping to finish a chapter for a future project and start on a chapter for TMH, so we’ll have to see. :)
But anyways… I have a feeling the italicized portion in this chapter is referring to Lucan. It seems very much as if it should apply to him.
Okay. That first section was just so painful to read. WHY? WHY? WHY DID CELESTE HAVE TO DIE? You managed to capture the grief overcoming the group perfectly. I love how Mana started complaining about not having her plaits and then admitting she just wanted a remnant of Celeste to keep. I love how Caelum is now turning to the Abyss and visiting Celeste’s grave. I love how Jenna didn’t leave the airship for four days. Well, I don’t love what the characters are going through, but I feel you portrayed their experiences perfectly. The ways they handled grief was fitting for their character and definitely added a morose feel over this whole affair (if it wasn’t already there enough).
And then the rest of the chapter was just a whirlwind of madness and I just read everything completely straight without a single pause….
First, allow me to get out of my system all the surprised feels that would probably affect this review. LUCAN’S BACK? LUCAN’S GONE CRAZY? LUCAN WANTS TO KILL JENNA? LUCAN’S GONE CRAZY? NO LUCAN! NOOOOOOOOOO! AND EIDAN! EIDAN! HE’S BACK TOO! AND WHY WON’T JENNA MAKE UP WITH HIM? WHY MUST THERE STILL BE CONFLICT AND PAIN? AND I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EVEN THOUGH I GUESSED IT BUT VINCENT IS EIDAN’S AND JENNA’S CHILD AND ASJDLFJDSFKLSDJFLSDJFLSDJFKLSDJKFLDSFJKLDSJFLDSJFK LJFDLJSDL!
Okay. So I really enjoyed how you wrote the fight scene! It instantly captured my attention and I could not stop reading. That’s always what you want to achieve with a fight scene—a certain fluidity that just enchants the readers while describing everything that is happening flawlessly. You achieved that (as you usually do), and I really enjoyed reading how intense everything was! Let me list out my favorite sections from the fight scene (even though I really loved it all):
[Shadows clung at Eidan's back, allowing him to reach speeds that Jenna could not imagine would be like. They were like wings; transcending him into an unstoppable pace as he continued to lunge for Lucan. Despite the obvious strength behind Eidan's power, Lucan managed to dodge every time. He was a speck of white and blood in the distance, with his scythe hurtling for Eidan's head.]
[Their blades met, parrying high and low, in sweeps of death as the wielders weaved between them. Shadows twirled around them, almost poetically, and yet still distinguished. ]
[Claws of black ripped through the air, swallowing more and more of their surroundings with each passing second.]
But I am quite shocked by Lucan’s character change. I really miss the old him, who was the voice of reason and kindness. Now he’s kind of messed up, homicidal, and just plain scary. But this just shows how dangerous the darkness can be for someone who doesn’t know how to control it. It affected Eidan a lot too until Eidan learned to control it. I am now really certain that the italicized section is referring to Lucan. But this just makes me wonder: who is Lucan’s savior? What is Lucan’s savior planning persay? What is going to happen? You have quite an interesting plot and I’m excited to see what will happen next!
I am slightly irked by Jenna’s reaction. As I’ve stated before, I understand where she’s coming from and I believe your choice for her reaction is sensible. She probably does feel betrayed and I bet many in her situation would feel the same. Nevertheless, despite seeing how justified her reaction is, she still irks me. A LOT. Maybe it’s because I just want everybody to love each other, but Eidan just saved her and she pushes him away. Why Jenna? Why? But I do like how she admits that she doesn’t feel good about her actions. It shows that she is very conflicted by all that she is experiencing and that she herself doesn’t even know how to react.
But then the reveal! So Vincent is Eidan’s and Jenna’s child! I really can’t imagine Jenna being a mother though. I’m sorry. I’m just not seeing it. Either way, the introduction of Vincent definitely adds a different dynamic to how complex everything is. And I believe Vincent is a major character in the sequel? That just makes me wonder how much the upcoming events are going to affect him.
But anyways, this was a great chapter! I loved how you were able to capture all the emotions and intensity in everything. I really enjoyed it and I am so excited to read what happens next! XD
| Vivace.Assai chapter 50 . 6/10/2013
Okay. I am rejuvenated and ready to write a review for this next chapter! I am doing this review as I read along, so don’t mind me if I end up asking weird questions that get answered later.
[To think that they met because he tried to kidnap her and give her to a bunch of dodgy men…] Haha… I still remember how these two met. But really, it is amazing how close Zeph and Jenna have become! I do enjoy how you’ve been able to slowly develop all of the characters and their relationships. Everything just happens so naturally that whenever I think about how everything was, I’m always shocked about it. The characters have gone a long way and their relationship dynamics have changed so much but in a very realistic manner.
[I mean, she literally acts like the nicest girl you'll ever meet, and then there's Caelum who could make babies cry if he just walks into the same room as them.] Zeph gets all the awards for his accurate description. But I do love how Caelum and Celeste are so different from each other but then they found loooovvveee. It’s just absolutely adorable and quaint and I am so happy that they get to be happy together now! Because they’ve been through A LOT of horrible stuff and I think they deserve a happy ending.
But Zeph is right. I MISS HAPPY JENNA SO MUCH. I mean, she was annoying, but happy Jenna was a part of lighter, happier days… when things were complex and weird but not as HEART-WRENCHINGLY TRAGIC as they are now. It’s a sad progression of things, but I guess it’s what must happen. All these experiences are bound to darken anybody’s personality. In fact, having Jenna become serious makes sense, after all that she’s been through. I still miss the old Jenna though. D: But it’s okay. At least Caelum and Celeste are happy, right?
[There were moments where she would dwell in her torturous silent thoughts and wonder if Caelum still secretly hated her, but she voiced none of them. Although the thought scared her, she knew that there must be some degree of him that still loathed her because of her mistakes.] NO CELESTE. I SWEAR, CAELUM LOVES YOU. YOU TWO WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER.
[And maybe I'll try and find Ula and Nuriel's descendants too. Even though I was never that close to them and they caused their own curse] OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. THIS IS THE PLOT OF THE SECOND STORY, ISN’T IT? I SWEAR YOU MIGHT HAVE ALLUDED THIS TO ME BEFORE BUT THIS IS THE PLOT OF THE SEQUEL, ISN’T IT?
WHAT IS SEPULCHRE? WHAT IS SEPULCHRE?
["I love you," he said, and she could feel the smile in his voice. / Her heart leapt. She wrapped her arms around his neck, unable to contain her elated giggles when he leaned down and started to pepper light kisses on her collarbone. / "I love you too," she told him, stroking his dark hair.] OH MY GOD. THIS SCENE IS JUST SO ADORABLE. I’m just so happy that they’re happy and ADJFSLKDJFLSDKJFLSDKFJSLDFJSDKLF…
[Zeph raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you plan on molesting me all day, Jenna?"] Haha, I love Zeph.
[Brown eyes looked over the roofs that towered over them. Peeking out of the alleyway, there were skyscrapers, so tall that it seemed they could stab straight into the underground layer of this kingdom. Towers with spiralling designs and machines dangling from them; lights and more lights blinking on and off, smoke billowing from chimneys.] BEAUTIFUL IMAGERY. I just love how you described the skyscrapers and lights.
[But most of all, she saw the arrow lodge itself into Celeste's chest.] Whoa… Wait… WHAT?
Um… so I’ve finished the chapter… and this is just sad. But it’s okay. It’s okay. I JUST WANTED CELESTE AND CAELUM TO BE TOGETHER SO BAD… SO BAD… *breaks into sobs*
*excuse Vivace as she struggles to regain her calm*
But anyways… instead of focusing on my feels, I’ll talk about the writing. You handled the death scene incredibly well. You managed to capture all the characters’ emotions pretty well, and the things that Celeste said were just golden (in that they were perfect for what was happening). There was definitely a great emotional effect to everything, which made what happened a lot more tragic.
As for the part with Eidan, that was so intense. But now Eidan knows the truth and it’s kind of tragic this has to happen. Killing Lucan probably won’t be difficult for Jenna to decide to do, since he’s kind of crossed the line with Celeste’s death. But killing Grace will be the big issue, since she’s definitely not an insane lunatic bent on killing everybody… at least not now. I wonder what’s going to happen, but I think Grace’s decision to tell the truth is really strong. I admire Grace—that she’s willing to do something that might take her life away just to help her brother. And maybe there’s a selfish reason behind it, but I still admire her nevertheless for that scene.
When Eidan stumbled upon the grave, I think that was a great segue to connect Eidan with the current events with the other group. And it made things beautifully tragic. The grave marker was just perfect.
Overall, brilliantly written (though quite depressing) chapter.
Going to try to read more tomorrow!
| Vivace.Assai chapter 49 . 6/10/2013
In the famous words of Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I'M BACK."
But anyways... Reading through this chapter, I feel a sense of deja vu, so I'm pretty certain that I've read this chapter before but I must have somehow not reviewed it. IT'S OKAY. THAT'S FINE. I, VIVACE, WILL STILL GIVE THIS CHAPTER AN EXTRA LONG REVIEW AND THEN HOPEFULLY CATCH UP WITH THIS STORY BEFORE THE NEXT UPDATE! YEAH! I mean, I only have like... 6 chapters... That's not too bad... I guess *cries at the hole she has dug for herself due to procrastinating on reviewing*
So. Let's begin.
So Jenna has a gun now? Is this safe? The fact that she's thinking about taking out said gun and firing at the people staring at her worries me?! I don't think ANYBODY should ever hand her a weapon! But anyways... I'm kind of shocked with how much she has changed in these three years! It is like she is a different woman (well, she is a completely different woman)! In a way, I'm not really happy with her change and I feel like she's handling her issues in a very immature way. Her annoyance at Eidan is slightly irritating, since I had hoped she would realize he left her because he knew he was causing her pain in some way. But then again, she's young and she feels betrayed so her response makes sense. Plus, the way she clearly misses Eidan but keeps telling herself she doesn't want to see him shows how much she cared for him but doesn't really want to anymore. So her change seems characteristic of her. For instance, I like how she's a lot more on the edge these days-it shows how the events have made it more difficult for her to feel safe (which she should feel) and it also suggests she's tried to become more stronger, or at least put up a stronger front around the others.
As for Eidan, I kind of think it's really sad how he still thinks about Jenna every day but she thinks he's forgotten about her...
I do like how most of the other characters have matured though. They've aged, so it's only natural that they are wiser than before. Zeph might still be too blunt, but his comments are a lot more rational and reasonable. Furthermore, even Caelum and Celeste have changed for the better. I love how they are clearly lovey-dovey with each other now! At least there's one couple in this story who is happy with each other (for now of course-knowing you, I presume you'll do something to tear them apart)! Plus, it shows how much time has brought them closer together and kind of quelled down the animosity that used to be between them. It's kind of strange to realize CaelumxCeleste and EidanxJenna have reversed in relationship dynamics, but I guess that's what time close together and apart does to a relationship. So I think you portrayed Caelum's and Celeste's relationship very nicely!
As for Grace... All the feels, man. It's really depressing to see how lifeless she has become; Ethel has clearly impacted her in so many ways and three years has not helped her at all. I'm so worried about what's going to happen to her. She's been so well developed throughout this story that she's become one of my favorite characters (even though I really hated her initially).
And then there's Lucan... Oh god... I don't even want to know what he has started doing...
Okay... so on the topic of Vincent. I'm actually pretty certain I have read this chapter before because all the mentions of "Vin" made me realize I have a theory about him. Okay. So I was trying to deny that Eidan would do such a thing to Jenna, but after all these months, I've given some thought and I've decided this is what happened: Eidan raped Jenna, Jenna got pregnant, their child is Vincent. It all makes sense! I mean I could think of several scarring things Eidan could have done to Jenna in his madness, but considering how Jenna felt sick a lot after it all, it kind of correlates to my theory. She was probably feeling morning sickness from pregnancy. Plus, why is there suddenly this Vincent with no explanation? I don't think Zeph would have been too open to including another member in their group, unless the member was forced onto them via Jenna's pregnancy. It makes sense! I really do think this is what happened.
Now nitpicky stuff (well one thing only):
[his lack of trust on her and weapons] "his lack of trust IN her and weapons"
And that's all I can think to add... Sorry if this review was -ish in quality. I've lost my reviewing abilities along with my writing capabilities! I will have to work on those reviewing abilities in the next chapter after I take a quick rest!
Btw: The new formatting for FP is weird... And I haven't even checked out what the publishing page looks like... :/
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 26 . 4/27/2013
I think you could build up the events here a bit more, especially where she takes over Jenna's body and what she does to the king and his guards. She's meant to be, well, I guess pure good is the closest to describing it. So maybe just a little bit more inner conflict when she's doing what she does to the king? Overall, as always a really good chapter, and I'm loving the story. I'm going to take a wild guess at Aphyron being Lucan. The story itself is interesting and unique, and you've managed to create some very memorable characters.
| celiakings chapter 24 . 4/16/2013
I didn't expect to meet Mana so soon but I really like her now! Her arguing with Zeph was really funny even though they're both locked up in a cell at that moment. But that part when Zeph was getting tortured in front of her was HORRIBLE. That must have been TERRIBLE for her to witness. This kingdom is heartless and I hope all of the characters get out of there soon.
| Orion Heartling chapter 15 . 4/16/2013
Hi! I apologize profusely for not reviewing in the previous 11 chapters (I was reading your story via cell phone-pain in the neck *scowls*) and please pardon me for that reason, but I am so drawn into the story, I seriously can not wait for more!
I seriously think that Zeph & Jenna are my favorite characters so far- Jenna; She is so adorable when she's the naïve and innocent character. I have to disagree with Zeph and Grace and all them for saying she's a waste of time- I'm pretty sure given the right circumstances, Jenna will find her strength and her will to fight...Please keep doing such a good job on her character. (That and she reminds me of myself; I have always depended on everyone else; spoiled no, innocent and naïve, yes. Stubborn, heck yes; Can't draw a weapon without inflicting self harm- yes again.)
Zeph: Zeph, Zeph, Zeph...Oh where are my words to describe the ex prince. Hm, I think he's just one of those hidden softies that have this really gritty and rough exterior that he basically had no choice to put up, but deep down, I would bet money from work that he is honestly a nice guy- albeit blunt and just plain stubborn, but he would be the kind of guy you would want as your friend on your side.
| findings chapter 54 . 4/16/2013
OMG finally some action! AHH I'm so excited I can't contain it!
Thanks for finally updating, it made my day :)
But geez, Jenna and Eidan better not die or else I'll go mad on Ethel. D:
| CieloRayn chapter 54 . 4/15/2013
Hmm, interesting chapter indeed. I can understand the slow updates because I've been having the same problem lol. There were a couple minor spelling errors, but overall quite an interesting chapter ).
| CieloRayn chapter 53 . 4/15/2013
Great chapter as always ) I'm sad that Jenna keeps on turning away from Eidan when he is trying to right his wrong lol. There was a lot of tension ).