|Reviews for Penumbrae|
| illusionae chapter 43 . 10/28/2012
Whoa! Such a dramatic chapter! It's such a shame that Lucan and Jenna are no longer on good terms because I actually liked their relationship in the story. However it just goes to show that no matter how perfect Lucan may seem, he's still human and therefore you can't expect him to not freak out when not one but two of his family members die in about an hour. Speaking of which it was so tense when I found out that Lacie died as well, I really didn't see that one coming!
| CieloRayn chapter 49 . 10/27/2012
Great chapter ) I don't know if I like the time skip though lol. There were a few mistakes lol like you left out a word or two another than that I liked it ).
| thenutrunningthenuthouse chapter 49 . 10/27/2012
THREE YEARS? GAH TIME SKIP, SO MUCH TIME SKIP.
Y'know, at first, I thought she was waiting for Eidan, and then I realized it was Zeph. It was kind of nice to hear (I do love me some Zeph), *sigh*, it's not Eidan. And then Jenna almost shot Zeph! XD Love this story.
["I didn't get you this gun so that you could just kill me with it, you know." Zeph grumbled, holding the gun above his head.] - no worries, Zeph - I don't think any of us think that while buying our friends guns.
That Lucan thing was interesting. I wonder where our crazy prince is. Looking back, jeez you put that poor boy through some craziness. Is he seriously killing everyone? Talk about an awesome story to tell your grandkids! "Oh yeah, I lived during the time when our prince was out killing everyone like a serial killer." Nice twist, even if it was just rumors.
Celeste and Caelum are in lurve? :D
On another note, I love your contrast between the Air Nomads I have in my mind and the Air Kingdom. I mean, crap, they're like stark opposites, and I think air can work really well as the selfish, dirty element. I love how Zeph is and how he just personifies the Air Kingdom, despite his dislike of it. Actually, everyone's dislike of the Air Kingdom is kind of funny. Like how on the Simpsons Homer pushed aside this ugly sheep so he could pet the cute one: everyone dislikes it, but sometimes you feel so bad that it's so ugly and that no one likes it.
Loved the scene with Eidan and Grace. Oh Ethel, you've made your brother so unhappy. It's interesting to see Eidan and Grace interacting as siblings again. I have a feeling that our tortured male protagonist will return to ze human world soon enough. I mean, what will he do without Jenna and the humans? I mean, we're awesome.
Oh, and you're an awesome arteest too. As my Italian relatives say, you gotta share some of the talent!
| illusionae chapter 42 . 10/27/2012
This was a very interesting chapter, especially the part where Jenna was speaking to Lacie. If you compare Lacie to when she was in the earlier chapters, you can tell that there's a stark difference to her actions and personality which is very intriguing. It makes me wonder what happened to her to cause such a change. And what a cliffhanger! Lucan's mum got murdered! That's most likely going to be a problem for Jenna and everyone. Great job as usual. :)
| illusionae chapter 41 . 10/27/2012
I've been so caught up in my school work that I've only had time now to finally read and review a few chapters of this story! I loved this chapter, it was fun and yet dramatic at the same time. I love how even though Jenna's grown as a character she's still the immature Jenna we all know and love. The moments between Caelum and Celeste were so nice too. I like how even though Caelum is pushing her away, you can see that he still cares for her, especially when he protected her from Mana. Onto the next chapter!
| Katie chapter 49 . 10/26/2012
I have been reading this story nonstop for three days and I'm almost sad that I've finally caught up because it means I have to wait for the next update now. I don't normally review stories but I just wanted to say that this story is my most favourite that I've read so far in this site! You don't normally come across romance stories that have as much plot and character development as this story does. I also like how you have a lot of characters but each one is so interesting that I don't feel like skipping parts just to get to the main plot. There are so many things that I love about this story that I can't list them all, but until then I will be waiting for the next chapter! I can't wait for the next update! )
| Vernelley chapter 49 . 10/25/2012
So I noticed you published the story almost exactly 2 years ago.
...Got booted off the computer in the middle of the review so things aren't really going to be in order here.
Okay... Jenna's character seems to have taken a 180. As silly as the younger Jenna was, I think I liked her character more than the current Jenna. I'm not sure what it is exactly but I feel like she's too melodramatic now, a bit on the exaggerated side with regards to how she reacts to mention of Eidan. She's just very pessimistic about Eidan; rather than looking for a possible explanation as to why he left and so on, she just tries to disregard it and just assumes he left because he didn't care enough or whatever she thinks is the reason.
Having said that, I can appreciate the irony that comes from the gap between Eidan and Jenna now. Of course Eidan has realised that he could make things worse if he happened to casually pop by for a visit via the Dark Abyss, but the irony is that if he actually took that risk and tried to clarify the situation, the confusion on Jenna's side might be resolved and maybe the animosity would die and everyone will be happy again.
And then there's also the irony of Eidan in Balandria, virtually spending every free moment he has wondering about Jenna and the others while Jenna probably doesn't think he's giving them a thought at all. This is quite painful :(
Hmm. Well I think it's only natural for Jenna to immediately think of Lucan if an arrow's been fired at her, since she knows his skill with the bow, but given the very fact they haven't heard anything of him for three years (in addition to the fact that it's quite likely more than one person knows how to use a bow but with whom Jenna is not acquainted) it's also a bit weird that she thinks of him immediately. While I miss Lucan, I thought it was kind of sudden to bring him up if there's been no mention of him for so long, unless he's been a frequent point of discussion for them or something. In the which case it might be worth mentioning that.
Speaking of Lucan, I'm a little unnerved at all the people dying in Marniolle, and maybe it's just because I don't want to think he's evil but it sounds like he might be possessed more than insane...
I also have to say at this point I think Zeph's matured... Maybe just a little bit, but the things he says are more rational now, even though he did approach some things quite logically before. The difference is that now he's actually bothering trying to reason with Jenna, whereas in the past he would probably just roll his eyes and walk off. So things about how they actually should focus on Eidan and that they do need him to work out the curse, even if Jenna doesn't want that. So yeah, I'm liking Zeph's growth.
Caelum and Celeste's chemistry seems to have improved a lot over the last three years, and I think it's great that we finally see what they might've been like before the whole curse thing happened. They're so cute :3
And and and when Jenna was talking to Caelum about the curse. So Mana and Zeph have been sorted out. Caelum and Celeste are together again. Maybe that means Jenna and Eidan are supposed to be together too? Although it did occur to me that Caelum and Celeste would probably still be stuck in the curse in another reincarnation... And what about Lucan and Grace, what's their resolution supposed to be? Oh, I know, probably death...
It's sad to see Grace becoming even more lifeless than she was three years ago, which is saying something. She's basically accepted the fact that she'll probably have to die if Ethel's suggested alternate method of breaking the curse turns out not to work. Speaking of Ethel, still definitely not trusting her, since she's still as manipulative as before and probably does have ulterior motives that she needs to use Eidan for.
'His body had also changed, as to be expected when someone was forced to train everyday, rivaling what he remembered Caelum used to look like.'
-Our Eidan is beastly now 8DDD
Oh, I almost forgot, but I wonder where Vincent came from during the three years, since he obviously wasn't there before. I'm curious about how he met up with Jenna's group. They seem not to like him very much XD
Yes and generally I don't tend to notice errors most of the time, but since I lost my bearings after getting kicked off, I had to reread it and I picked up a couple that stood out.
[Zeph threw his arms in the arm, crying out in exasperation.]
-I think it might've been 'threw his arms in the air' you meant, at a guess.
[Smugly, Jenna beamed at Caelum, which only caused to further irritate the God.]
-Using 'caused' here doesn't really seem right. You could say 'only served to further irritate', 'caused the God further irritation' or 'only further irritated' instead. 'Cause' is generally used as a transitive verb but it seems to be used as an intransitive verb in this sentence.
[Beside her, Caelum was occasionally sending glares at any person who eyed her for too long]
-Missing a full stop.
[If she focused too much on the dilapidated structure of this place then she may end up forcing Celeste to cook instead.]
-Since the narration is in past tense, 'might' would be more appropriate than 'may'.
Might've been others but I lost them so heh.
Anyway, good chapter! Will be interesting to see the rest of the story after the time skip. (You might update while I have exams on, in the which case I'll throw my desk out the window...)
| levisama chapter 49 . 10/25/2012
I didn't expect you to suddenly whip out a timeskip! I must say that I like how the characters have changed but you still make it so realistic because they actually stay in character as much as they can. I really liked the interaction with Caelum and Celeste and Zeph. You can see that there is a friendship between Caelum, Celeste and Zeph which has probably formed in the three year timeskip. I'm eager to see how Mana interacts with Caelum and Celeste, especially Celeste. Speaking of Celeste I thought her and Caelum were so sweet in this chapter. It's nice to see that Caelum is no longer pushing her away but it's also sad cos it must be hard for Jenna to watch them. :(
I have a few questions such as who's the Vin person that kept being mentioned? I think they were mentioned twice but was interrupted in both of those times. So I'm looking forward to see how that gets explained. I have a few theories but I don't know if I'll get it completely right or absolutely wrong so I'll keep it to myself for now...
Lastly it's also great to see that Eidan now has better control over the darkness! I'm very proud of him. :')
| DutchAver chapter 48 . 10/21/2012
I can recall about six months ago, when it was March the 22nd and I turned twenty, that you wrote a review for I Never that was HUGE. I think today is a beautiful day to return the favour. Though I should add that I have NEVER written reviews that nearly made the 10.000-characters-mark before. But, there’s a first time for everything, right?
I really like your start and how heartbreaking it is. I love the contradiction you make – how Eidan is now home as in the place where he should be, but at the same time, his real home is now at a completely different place, with Jenna. I guess it’s true love. And, this is old news for you, I’m a real sucker for true love. *Not manlike at all* And, of course, I love how you state that Eidan isn’t used to being royalty anymore. In the Dutch fantasy-story I’m preparing for November, my main character(Kator) is royalty as well, except that he’s been kicked out of the palace and is on the run with his younger siblings. When he gets confronted with royalty again, and is forced to live in a palace, he notes how much he lost his ability to live like royalty. I’m yet to describe it(I haven’t gone further than an outline) but I can certainly take an example from the way you’ve described it here so beautifully.
I’m glad we finally get to see Belandria described, by the way. We’ve heard so much about it, but we’ve never actually seen it. In my mind, it had become a terrible dark and evil place, but it doesn’t seem to be so bad. Then again, there are plenty of kind Shadows, so I think I just made the same mistake as everyone in your world by judging Belandria to be a terrible place because Shadows live there. Sorry!
I keep wondering what Ethel’s real motives are for forcing Eidan back to Belandria, because I don’t think that she’s been telling us the truth. Maybe she felt that Belandria needed a ruler after all, and she forced Eidan to be in that position? Oh poor, poor Eidan, I do feel sorry for him, as he’s being torn up between two worlds and three girls – Jenna on one side, and Ethel and Grace on the other side. It’s hardly possible how a happy ending for Eidan can result from all of this.
By the way, I love those moments when my jaw drops to the floor when I’ve seen a genius twist, a twist that is so clever yet so simple that I could never have thought it possible. Steven Moffat, the main writer of Sherlock and Doctor Who, has managed it with me twice. I don’t think you watch Sherlock, but my jaw dropped to the floor when I found out how the Doctor survived Lake Silencio. The only other person who has managed to fool me twice now is, in fact, you. I never expected Penumbrae to be something so simple. It’s pure genius and I love this story for it. It’s just as genius as the way you started this story – with something that was only explained in a fairly recent chapter, but it wasn’t distracting and it was genius all the same. Just like this one. I love how you have been giving us little clues while we were reading the story, such as Eidan being so strongly attracted to the forest and constantly wanting to go there. Yeah, the best twists make you go all ‘I should have known this’, and I did.
The idea of petty gods… I wonder if you got that from Greek mythology, where the Gods are anthropomorphic and are willing to start a war or to change the whole world if they don’t get their way. The gods here certainly seem to be at least just as arrogant, childish and annoying. The gods in here don’t make any sense at all – after all, it’s wrong for light and dark to be together, but it’s okay for Eidan to be betrothed to both his younger sisters? Then again, that could also be a parallel with Greek mythology as the whole family tree of the Greek gods was screwed up because of incest as well. But then again, Shadows aren’t gods.
Jenna’s heartbreaking was, well… heartbreaking to read. I love how you can make her feel sad because she’s lost her true love, yet it doesn’t sound anywhere near corny. It sounds very realistic and therefore, it’s pretty well done too.
Once again, you show us how well Jenna has grown into a mature woman because of her travels with Eidan. When she’s sad now, she doesn’t kick a fuss anymore, like she did at the start of this story, acting completely like a nine year-old. Now, she handles it in a much more mature way. Jenna was terribly annoying at the start of the story, but she’s not anymore. I guess that’s what this story is about too – not just about true love, but also about growing up. Another thing about Penumbrae that I love: it has so delightfully many aspects.
But the other side of Jenna’s maturity is that she now doesn’t know that well anymore how she should handle her emotions and her sadness, and how she doesn’t want to bother others. As much as I understand her, maybe it’s better if she tells someone else and maybe tries to go to Belandria herself.
Okay, but she doesn’t seem to know that Eidan left for Belandria. Of course she doesn’t – sorry, I simply assumed Eidan would leave some kind of trace, but of course he didn’t. Which makes Jenna’s loss and her sadness all the more heartbreaking, because she genuinely thinks that Eidan abandoned her and let her go. Poor, poor Jenna, it’s so easy to feel for her that it’s almost scary. And that’s what your job as a writer is, right? You’re doing your job well.
As I look at Jenna’s sadness, I can’t help but think of Grace’s words earlier in the chapter how life is pointless as it always ends in death anyway. Although I sincerely disagree with her, I see her point somewhere. Grace has stated that life is pointless, because she has lost her Lucan – and I’m certain that Jenna thinks it too, although you never state it. I think Jenna thinks her life is pointless now as well, because Eidan suddenly left her. I love how you don’t state that, but leave it for us to think. Again, the parallels between Grace and Jenna are beautifully subtle, yet it’s obvious that they’re clones now. I also wonder how Grace will cope with the loss of her love – because she doesn’t seem like the kind of girl to just sit down, cry and talk about her feelings with anyone. Then again, it also seems that she could do it with Eidan in this chapter, as she tells him how much she wished she wouldn’t care. It does seem like she’s a bit more capable of dealing with her emotions, so I hope I’m wrong and she’ll turn out all right anyway.
What will happen to Mana and Zeph now? Because as much as I would love it to be easy, I don’t think it will be as easy as evacuating the Air and the Earth kingdom and just wait until they both fall. I think there’s some kind of disaster awaiting them too.
Wait… maybe Ethel had been trying to get Eidan into Belandria because she wants him to be with Grace, so he can kill her? I wonder how she’s going to state it all. Maybe she’ll just say it tactlessly? I don’t think so, I think there’s some kind of subtle manipulative way for her. Because manipulating people seems to be her favorite hobby. Maybe she somehow manipulates Eidan into killing Grace? It is impossible, but if anyone can find a way, it’s her. Nope, I still don’t trust her and Morgan’s words still echo happily in my mind.
What also bothers me is how stoic Ethel seems to be with this all. She doesn’t seem all that unhappy that she’s lost sight of her brother for so long. She doesn’t seem to be so unhappy either that she’s going to lose Grace in a very near future, because that’s the only way for her to end the curse. Granted, she offered Eidan an alternative way, and she didn’t tell Eidan yet because she’s afraid it’ll hurt his feelings, but she herself doesn’t seem to be all that emotional. Maybe that’s what bothers me so much about her, her lack of emotion. You seem to describe her as the ‘compassionate’ sister, but her lack of compassion makes me feel troubled. Maybe she was the compassionate sister once, but that changed when the darkness corrupted her? When she took over Eidan’s curse?
Speaking of sisters, I like the bond between Eidan and Grace. In previous chapters, I commented on how it doesn’t feel like Grace has such sisterly feelings for her brother, but the exchange between them in this chapter seems to be much more sibling-like, and much less incestuous. It seems like, in Balandria, the only person Eidan can really count on from now on is Grace, with Ethel being a manipulative bitch. After all, he doesn’t know his stepmother that well and I don’t remember many other significant people living in Balandria. I really, really wonder how Eidan will cope.
One more thing – I’ve just noticed another parallel that I love, and it’s Eidan and Jenna both starting their situation in their own room, lonely with no-one to talk about and incredibly sad about losing the other. It seems like they’re those star-crossed lovers I sometimes read about, just like Caelum and Celeste. Sometimes I wonder if Caelum and Celeste possessing their bodies is, in some way, responsible for them falling in love with each other. But on the other hand, their love seems to be so pure that it’s hard to believe that it’s nothing but a copy of a godly love.
Anyway, I wonder what’s going to happen to Jenna and Eidan when they’re reunited. Will Jenna be furious, or will she understand Eidan’s situation and the reason why he left? How long will he leave before he’ll come back? Or are you going to end on such a heartbreaking cliffhanger that Eidan won’t return anymore? That would certainly be a big surprise, but again, a rather big part of me just hopes that you’ll make Jenna and Eidan live happily ever after at the end of the story. In the end, it’s you who decides, and I can’t wait to find out what will be in part six, because it’ll certainly be very clever! After all my speculation, I am still completely in the dark.
I loved this chapter, and the amount of characters is truly OVER NINE THOUSAND in this review. Hope you enjoyed it! Post your next chapter soon _ Hope your birthday was gre
| CharilMZ chapter 48 . 10/20/2012
I cannot express how much I love this chapter.
The first half, I love the dynamic between Eidan and Grace. After all that's happened, you can really tell how much the both of them have grown in comparison to when they first met each other again, especially with Grace knowing about Eidan's curse. I love the whole Penumbrae philosophy that she brings up too, and these stories about Caelum and Celeste... well I love myths so it's natural that I'd be drawn to it haha.
And the second half... oh Jenna, baby. The writing here is so powerful, I love what you've done here to show how Jenna's mind is conflicted with itself, as far as Eidan is concerned. And... I don't know why, but I've got a feeling that I know what Eidan did, and what's happening to her now... not sure if I want to be right or not. I do want to, because I love tragedies. I don't want to, because I love Jenna haha. Whatever will happen, I already know it will be written beautifully.
(And happy birthday!)
| CieloRayn chapter 48 . 10/18/2012
Great chapter! I loved the feeling you put into this chapter. I could really feel her anger and grief and I just wanted to throw things too lol. I think she may be *cough cough* pregnant! lol I don't know just the way you describe how she is feelings P it gives off that impression. Also happy early birthday lol.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 7 . 10/18/2012
Hello once again! :D
[And Grace was beginning to irritate him well.] She's irritating me as well! Eidan has to tell her what's what, and that she can't be talking smack about his woman!
[but since you two are ideally the same person] Is...is Eidan going to have like spilt personalities or something? I think that would be a good twist.
[ Crimson eyes opened] Okay... Caelum/Eidan has to be some form of supernatural being, but you said it's not vamp or wolf... Hmmm...because of the red eyes, i think of something bad like demons, but I doubt that's it...Yeah, I have no idea XDDD
Caelum means Heavenly, which is what my name means too! :D But mine is more girly; Celeste, which I believe was created/based from Caelum or a simliar spelling/form of that name. :D
| CieloRayn chapter 47 . 10/18/2012
Hmmm, I feel pity for poor Eiden yet I have a suspicion of what he did though i'm probably wrong lol. I liked this chapter, lots of angst and you say there will be more? Teen angst is addicting lol.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 6 . 10/18/2012
Hello again! :D
[All was silent in the city of Alexandria] I'm sorry, but since i've haven't read this in a long time, my memory is fuzzy around a few things. Was it ever stated that the setting of your world is fantasy or based off of real places? If so, then is this Alexandria the same Alexandria in Africa?
[In his mind, Eidan was debating whether or not he should leave.] No Eidan, stay! STTTTTTTAAAAAYYYY :'D
[I mean, there was slimy green mould on the floor, the walls, the ceiling – everywhere! And it stank too!] X( Ewww...this reminds me of the porta-pottys at the beaches. X(
[It was wild, and long, and well, gold. Her hair trailed down to her waist in untamed waves of bright gold, like the drunken rays of the sun, or a drizzling waterfall of honey.] I really liked your imagery in this sentence; it was beautiful, really, and it just made the sentence more powerful. :D
AW HELL NAW! What's that Grace going on about?! Why she be hating on Jenna? D: She seems dark, evil even. And she has this vibe that says she wants to rip Jenna to sherds. D: I don't like her. Nope. I'm stubborn and i have made my choice. GRACE IS BAD. Yup. XD
I didn't think Eidan was a vampire, but something is sure strange about why he doesn't like sunlight. :I
But great chapter! :D
| Highway Unicorn chapter 5 . 10/18/2012
HELLO! :D It's been a long time, but i'm back to review more of your story from Roadhouse! :D *reviews as she reads*
That's some women supression going on up in the first section, which sucks setting wise; Your writing is pretty awesome, so don't think i'm ragging on that XD But yeah, it sucks that the guards won't let Jenna go after Eidan cause she's a girl and she HAS to stay with the prince, cause a woman can't possibly be allowed to walk alone. :( But it's good that you add that aspect into your story because that's how a lot of cultures think, especially in a time period like the one this story is based in.
OR I could be entirely mistaken, and she was only kept back 'cause of her mother's wishes. XD
[Grace's hand shot up and yanked his hood down.] OH, she is crafty. :I I wonder what connection she has with him.
["I'll come with you," he offered.] He can't even let her pee on her own?! :( (And I know she was doing it to get away, but still, he doesn't know that.) Right now, he seems kind of caring...a little bit, but stuff like that (controlling stuff) can esculate into hardcore overcontrol...ness... XP I should stop hating on him and continue reading XDDD
Grace doesn't know what a rabbit is? That signals some red flags. OR NOT. Maybe she just never saw a bunny before... :I
Well...it looks like Jenna is somewhat warming up to Prince Lucan...which can be a bad thing for Eidan :( I sense a love triangle approaching, or maybe a love square if Grace goes after Eidan.
I really like how you switched back between Eidan's side to Jenna's side throughout this chapter. We, the readers, got to see all angles of this festival. :D