Reviews for Watch
Ilenn chapter 1 . 10/27/2010
I disagree a bit with the other reviewer; I think your way of describing events is what makes this such a great piece of writing. The story would lose something if you had simply written "she fell" or "she was walking", or so. This way you really get the image of the main character watching the movement of her legs as she walks, instead of just noting that ok, she's walking. Not sure how much sense I'm making here but I hope you get the point.

Also I love the beginning of the story, the Bible reference, the way you make the main character's obsessed state of mind very clear but in a subtle way. And the thoughts about the colours, white and gray, that was something beautiful.

Her reaction to him was also perfect. Gives a lot more depth to both characters, somehow, to know that she's noticed him watching her and is creeped out. Maybe this is the first time he talks to her? Maybe he doesn't know that she's aware of his existence at all? The story doesn't answer those questions straight forward, but it doesn't have to, it's better this way.

And the ending. Love it.
Bond x Lei chapter 1 . 10/26/2010
Hello there,

I'm not sure where this is going, but I definitely get a creepy vibe from your MC. The way you're writing this sets up that vibe well, but to be honest, I don't really get to read what's happening. This is a lot of prose-which isn't bad-but it does make you think. (Also not bad)

I think writing some actions like walking or just bluntly saying she fell couldn't hurt, but all in all it looks promising. Keep writing!

-Bond