hi ilove you

Wow... Language, Val, language!

Hehe, she left her shoe! How cute!

Oh, I like where this is going, even though I don't really get what is going on)

While, you have a penchant for witty dialogue that moves the plot around nicely, your plot itself is simply begging to be fleshed out. Characterization, description, use of scenery and mood-they would all add such significant life and breadth to your story that it seems a crime to leave it without.

Already your story is pleasant and engaging with its playful quips and well characterized dialogue, but it reads more like script than story and lacks the full impact of its glory because of it.

Perhaps consider re-writing this? With patience and editing I can see this actually being published as a teen novel and being rather successful.

You know, I should be utterly and flippin' mad at you, but since you slready started the second book im not,

'So is punching you, you turn all sorts of interesting colours"

That was by far the funniest thing i've heard in this book.

We'll I gotta go do homework. 'Till tomorrow-

Krystal

Watched with confusion by Erramun and interest by Lyel. HA!

*hum**hum**hum*

"Who died and made you king?"

I think he took it literally!

More like a Road Runner...meep meep!

The prince laughed. "Of course I have a license. I'm not an idiot."

"I beg to differ."

'Chicken' *Flip* HA! THAT WAS UTTERLY JILARIOUS!

"Do you lack the vocabulary to say anything else?"

HA!

That caused her to make a face. ) Funny!

Val nodded sharply though she wore a small smile. "I have two little sisters. Fresh baked cookies are a great bribe to kids their ages."

You know, this is very important triva for older sisters. I would pay attention. )

That one guy that said: "So our duties are the same as ever." is like...me funny!

And let me tell you, that is utterly hilarious.