Reviews for Epilogue to a vampire love story
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 11/10/2010
I had mixed feelings going into this because I've developed a prejudice against vampires (you could probably guess why) but I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised.

This was a sweet story, short and to the point. You used lovely imagery and it was nice to think of an ending to a teenage romance.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
lookingwest chapter 1 . 11/10/2010
I'm not sure I feel this as exactly an epilogue as more "what happens after the "ever after"" instead...just because I feel like you left on a cliff hanger about him dying-it's just not where I would expect the end of a novel to end-I'd be quite annoyed, I think. Beyond that though, and looking at it from the "what happens after the "ever after"" angle, I thought you handled the prompt really well, and so far you're the only person who has used the vampire and the "love" notion together, so that's unique too. I liked how you chose what to emphasize from the prompt. The dialogue was done really well, and I thought it was interesting that Lucien wasn't his real name, which was also kind of funny, forgive me, but I don't know if I could ever take the name of a vampire being "Lucien" seriously-but I liked how you used it, for sure! I also thought the setting was rather unique, as well. I expected this sort of thing to take place in a home or a bedroom even, somewhere very intimate, but a cafeteria at night? That was really cool and a great execution that complimented the characters, I think. Well done, best of luck in WCC!
thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
Eh, well, I knew someone was going to go at it from the vampire angle. Still, you're probably the best person who could have done it.

I like the two characters, especially your summary of their past relationship near the end. The image of cigarette smells is a very powerful one that reminds me personally of a late-night concert atmosphere: ethereal and exciting - drug-like, if you will.

I also thought that you did a fantastic job with constructing an implied backstory - this is a textbook example of "show, don't tell."

My one negative thought, except for the whole vampire-prompt-is-obvious bit: some of the dialogue was a little bit cliche, especially Annie's internal dialogue. The italicized pronoun "he" comes to mind. Aside from that, a job well done.

Good luck in the WCC this month!

-thewhimsicalbard
Nesasio chapter 1 . 11/3/2010
The description of her relationship with him is really nice. I liked the whole paragraph starting with 'she had so many strong memories of him.' The imagery was really poignant and pulled everything together well.

The opening felt a little slow, but it flowed well after Lucien showed up. I also noticed a few typos scattered throughout but nothing too distracting. Overall, this was a nice sweet, sad little piece and I thought it was an interesting interpretation of the prompt.

Good luck in the WCC! :)
Dale Christopher chapter 1 . 11/3/2010
I love short stories. They leave so many questions unanswered, they give you just enough to make you want more. They're like prose haiku.

I've always been into vampire fiction. I grew up watching Buffy and reading Anne Rice novels. The vampire romance has become a cliché but that doesn't stop the subject matter from being interesting, and that's what you've done here. You've taken an old formula and made me want to read it. It's sad and has hints of bittersweet romance, but it also seems to be leading to a dark ending. The idea of a vampire dying of something other than murder is very intriguing, I've love to hear move about how that came about.

I also liked your protagonist, she seemed real down to earth. Not at all like that Bella creature (sorry, had to insult Twilight at some point). Your vampire was also interesting in that he seemed out of his mind a bit. I suppose an immortal being learning that he's dying would be pretty bracing.

I don't know if you intend to write any more on this story or if it's just for NaNo, but if you do I'd be thrilled to read it. Your prose writing is surprisingly concise.

Good work and good luck!

Dale
berley chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
So this is totally the type of vampire love story that I have already wanted to read. Stupid Twilight and ruining vampire stories. I liked this one, though.

I felt sad while reading this piece, which really impresses me. In less than two thousand words you managed to let me, the reader, feel the love and loss that the two characters were going through. I’ve always liked this type of romance story, doomed love or where it is forced to end. It’s the one element in vampire love stories that really does appeal to me. There never will be a happy ending.

Overall great job. I really do like how you express emotions and imagery in your writing.

Good luck in the WCC!
Themory chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
Aw. This piece is so sad! And moving! Man, I feel so bad for the protagonist. She must be really sad that he's now gone forever; man, this really tears at my heartstrings.

I don't think a review is sufficient enough to describe how much I truly like this piece. XD. No, really, you did a FANTASTIC job.

The only errors I found were just minor typos:

"The full moon making them antsy and edgy as it always did to everyone even if they didn't notice it – that was something he had thought her." Hmm, do you mean taught here? I read over the sentence many times with thought and I think it's a typo?

"windbreaker close her body" to "windbreaker close around her body"

"tiding" to "tidying"

"The other par still" to "The other part still"

"there was so many things" to "there were so many things"

"re-imageined" to "re-imagined"

I think your missing some commas after the adverbs. Like here: "Suddenly she became very aware of her age." and "Initially she looked past him,"

That's it for the errors that I could find. Overall, great job and nice work!

Good luck in the competition!