Reviews for Before 2011 There Is Sorrow
HiddenFromYou chapter 11 . 11/28/2010
I loved how abstract this poem was. You've got some beautiful images woven into your poem and feeling of almost-detatchment I got as I read it really set them off against each other.

"I know you're afraid to die/but still, you're still alive" - While I really like the rhyming of "die" and "alive" because it's a quite creative choice and the words obviously work well together, the double use of the word "still" spoiler it a little.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 10 . 11/28/2010
I think what I find most interesting about your work is that it gives me another perspective on my life in general. I can view your work either as me or from an unbiased view point, and I find that the views I have about it completely change depending on which one I used. So I think that's the main thing I like about your work, because it's always changing and adapting, making me think. :)

The ending is light but powerful, using the calm power instead of the kick in the gut one. I would have liked a little bit of a stronger ending, as I feel that would have fitted the poem, but it's still great as it is.

"The world needs to spin as the clock needs to tick to mark the passage of time." - This was a simple comparision but I fould I really liked it because of it's simplicity.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 9 . 11/28/2010
I couldn't see the point of the ending, but I felt there was one, instead of not seeing anything at all. I like that you left some mystery in there, as I was still searching for it when the poem finished and it left me wondering.

The second and third stanzas feel a little awkward. They followed on from the first, but their wording sounded like it was that way merely to fit in with the first perectly.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 8 . 11/28/2010
This really makes for a nice read, as you've got a relaxed feel about this poem and the calm 'maybe I'll do for it' mood down perfectly.

The only two small problems I could see were that in the first stanza, there really should be commas after both "bench"s, and the repetition of the word "back" in the third. Both of these slowed down the flow of the poem, the first because I had to put in my own pauses and the second because it soudsn awkward.

"you while you" - Should be 'you will you'.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 7 . 11/28/2010
This was an interesting and ingaging poem, something completely different from everything you've written about before. Not that the others weren't interesting and engaging of course! :P I mean that the subject of this poem isn't something you normally write about, and I liked that you can write about completely new things and still write really well.

I once again love the word play you've used in this chapter, because it shows that you've put time and thought into it.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)

PS: I'm now taking a short break to get something to eat, but will keep reading once I get back. :)
HiddenFromYou chapter 6 . 11/28/2010
I don't really get the ending to this piece, as I didn't find the link between the build up you did, and the way you ended it. Maybe a clearer transition is needed?

I did, however, find the links throughout the rest of the poem. So I think it flowed really well up until the end, as everything knotted together and made sense.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 5 . 11/28/2010
I like the way you link the stanzas together, as it doesn't feel like the reader's jumping from one topic to another as they switch verses.

I also like the fact that you're posting from poems from closer together periods of time. Even if we missed the one before this poem out, I prefer it this way, as I'm beginning to see the links between the poems.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 4 . 11/28/2010
The final sentence feels to me as if you're a little scared to actually have an unhappy ending to your poems, so you put in one last line to make the character seem better. You should let the character flow the way he wants to go and not force him down one path.

"It is a joy to be ignored by the world/because in that joy there is suffering/and in that suffering, there is freedom." - The dark stuff in your writing is what I most like. It's always very strong and well written, and it seems naturally written.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 3 . 11/28/2010
The loved the ending to this, as it's truly beautiful. It puts across a great deal of emotion, while at the same time retaining the "dead" feel of the poem before it (to a lesser extent).

I also like the slang you've used in this chapter, as it continues to give insight into the character.

"I better put myself a coat." - This sentence seems to be missing some words?

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
HiddenFromYou chapter 2 . 11/28/2010
For the most, the rhyming was a good as always. Only "finally crawl out./To finally let out." sounded forced. I think it's the repetition of the entire end of the previous line, as that's not really rhyming.

"weight on your shoulders" - I think 'weight upon your shoulders would have flowed better here.

I the kind of "dead" ending, as it summed up the emotions flowing throughout this poem.

-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)
TheLovelessRose chapter 2 . 11/24/2010
I love this poem. Its very good, and your choice of words really interest me. I look forward to reading your other works .
lymli chapter 8 . 11/17/2010
wow, it made me think bout some guy stalkin a girl... anyway, it's interesting the play before getting something.
MagpieCat chapter 2 . 11/5/2010
sad thought.
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