|Reviews for 4000 Breaths|
| Rainbow35 chapter 1 . 3/18/2011
I like this. :)
At first I didn't like the way it was all written in italics, because I find unitalicized writing easier to read. Though I did get used to it after a while. But I'm gonna make a random guess, and guess that this chapter is a memory, set in the past? If so, you could indicate that by saying at the start that it's taking place in whatever year, and then saying in the next chapter that it's taking place in a different year, and therefore not a memory?
Anyway, I didn't particularly like the way Evan said "um" so much. I know he's a little kid, and he's frightened and nervous, so it's probably quite realistic for him to be saying "um", but I just find it kind of annoying to read. Same with all the stuttering and hesitating. Maybe just reduce it slightly?
I think you portrayed Immokaleah's/Kylie's struggle with speaking English quite well, and I think she's adorable. :)
[PS. Go check out the Review Marathon, there's a link in my profile. :P]
| KillaCupcakes chapter 4 . 3/17/2011
I've read up until chapter 4, and so far, I really like what I'm reading. I feel like I'm right there with the characters. I like the relationship between Evan and Kylie, and I think Kylie is just adorable. I also like the fact that you either researched the hell out of Cherokee culture or you simply know a lot about it. It makes the store much more convincing and easier to read. I hate it when people write about things and have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. I'm going to add this to my alerts and my favorites and continue reading. I'll try to leave a review every few chapters or so. Keep up the good work.
| ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 27 . 3/17/2011
Did someone actually write tl;dr? *Sigh* there are bastards all over the Internet; just ignore them.
Right, so, this chapter had some attributes I loved-
"it even has the same why-yes-we-have-been-baking-all-day kind of smell to it." I love that line, and I really love when he gets all freaked out that she hasn't read HP; it was a little bit upsetting.
Cat, please don't ever doubt my love for this story. It's amazing, and I won't ever give up on it. But I usually just talk about what I like about it; I've never given a real review.
First off, I really loved Kylie and Evan beforehand, when they had known each other since children. He was so resigned and used to her extremities and she was so sweet and understanding. But now, they've changed. I feel like the story has lost lost something in this new version.
The cursing-I felt the awkwardness before, but I never said anything.
CRH, I have just as much as a potty mouth as anyone else. But the cursing does get out of hand. In movies, when people curse in every other word, after a while it's purely irritating. I feel like all of Mr. Moore's rantings sort of detract from what's really going on. I am thinking more about what rage Mr. Moore must be feeling, and less of what's going through Evan's mind, why this is happening, etc. It's hard to explain, and it does relieve me when I realize there are curse words in literature (I always skim ahead while reading aloud in class to make sure I get to read to the part with profanity), sometimes it is simply too much.
This last part is only a suggestion, something I heard of a while back and find helps me in writing. You usually get all of the details in there, so just ignore this if you've heard it before, but if you haven't who knows?Philip Pullman one of my fav authors, once said that there are certain questions a reader should know the answer to-they should know where they are, who's present, where the lights come from, what the weather is like, what sort of room. It's a nice checklist for writing.
Anyway, I'm definitely not trying to be brutal with this review or anything. I still love the story completely, and as usual, I cannot wait for the next chapter.
| KillaCupcakes chapter 1 . 3/17/2011
You have a really good start to this story, and I got sucked in within the first few sentences. The writing is descriptive yet not overly descriptive, and it flows well. You've also made Evan's words and thoughts very convincing for a child. I'm interested to see what you do with the rest of the story.
| ToughPreacher chapter 22 . 3/6/2011
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to the Cherokees. Sometimes as a Chinese, I feel like that also. These days Chinese people think Western culture is the coolest, and nobody even *reads* or *know* the classics anymore-it really makes me angry. Heck, 99.99% of the Chinese don't even know the traditional robes that are once considered essential to the Chinese character. As someone who in his blind desperation to "preserve the way" that he shut himself off from this Western world, I want to say that: I understand.
I believe there's hope though. Every great civilization go through a period in which everything seems hopeless. But it is up to truly dedicated people to keep a tradition alive. 30 years ago, when the Way of the Zhou dynasty seemed lost, Confucius rise up and preserved its glorious tradition, and we benefited from his teachings even onto this day. And didn't all the Earth Kingdom people all but gave up until Kitara rouse them up with her speech back in the Iron Prison?
So, as long as YOU keep believing in it, the Cherokee tradition will never die out. And as long as you're willing to teach, I'm willing to listen.
| SatelliteHeart17 chapter 2 . 2/20/2011
AMAZING. I'm actually speechless right now.
| ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 25 . 2/20/2011
I thought Romero's er monologue (if that's the right word) went on for a little long but otherwise I love it!
| ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 24 . 2/8/2011
Basketball? Never saw that one coming! I love the new hate-love relationship - unless he's about to fall for Kylie's mom! I totally love Kylie for getting a machete. Girl power!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
| ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 23 . 2/2/2011
First off I wish you the best of luck with the computer.
I'm loving this new version; I've missed Evan a lot and this is like he has a whole NEW life, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens. That's absolutely HORRIBLE about the whole pouring Vodka over his wounds; what is he thinking? I was indeed horrified when I read that!
But he's a tough kid, I guess.
Kylie! I didn't realize that was her. That's awesome. I can't wait until Evan meets her, and I certainly hope he doesn't hold a grudge. Will Victoria appear in this version? I hope so, I honestly can't bring myself to hate her, though it seems Evan and the other fans didn't like her.
I would say this story HAS raised my awareness. I've never been completely oblivious to domestic violence. I'm an avid reader and though I've never seen anything quite like this, Evan isn't the first one I've met in this kind of situation. I have a character of my own who has a father a bit like this, but he has a different way of dealing with it, and it takes a different turn. But this story has definitely made me a bit more paranoid about who's being abused and who isn't. I wonder now, all the time; Why does he act that way? What kind of relationship does he have with his father? I have done a lot of research of my own on signs of physical/sexual abuse, domestic violence, the causes etc. I do have a basic knowledge, though I'd never say no to learning more.
I think what you're doing is working.
The new chapter is very good, and I can't wait for the next one!
| Vampireacademyrox chapter 22 . 1/29/2011
love it plz ud soon :D
| xbitemark chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
As soon as I read this, I thought 'She needs to send this to a publishing house.' And I was going to tell you that, then I read your little note at the end, so I guess I don't need to tell you. :)
The only thing that I felt during this chapter that...maybe there was a little too much innocence? I'm not exactly quite sure what it was, but something kind of poked me and i felt like it was dragging a bit? A professional editor would be way more helpful than I am, but that's my two cents worth.
Definitely bookmarking this.
| Vicki Lawson chapter 22 . 1/27/2011
| LatinSpice chapter 21 . 1/17/2011
FINALLY What i've been waiting for!
Kylie and Evan! Yay!
And i hope his means Evan's dad is dead. Seriously, i hate him. Evan is better off
| ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 21 . 1/17/2011
This chapter was awesome! I love Kylie and Evan together. They're too sweet. And what's up with his dad? Can't wait for chapter twenty-two!
| Kuroki Honoo chapter 21 . 1/17/2011
finally. finally! he gets it. ah, so clueless, so cute. and so much sex on the brain. so glad i'm not male XD