Reviews for 4000 Breaths
bridgettblah chapter 3 . 1/16/2011
Ugh, His dad is horrible.

Where is 'back there' ?
bridgettblah chapter 1 . 1/16/2011
O Oh my. I really like this. I mean, A LOT. Its good! I immediately wanted to hug little Evan, and take him from his dad. What happened to his mom? How did she die? Hehe, Kylie and Evan are so cute, at least, as kids. Anyways, I'm going onwards!
ToughPreacher chapter 20 . 1/5/2011
As to your question on language use by Evan's father, here's what I observed. In Chinese families, the parents put a great emphasis on retaining one's culture and ethnic identity, even if the family is living in a foreign country.

Thus, many Chinese parents speak Cantonese/Mandarin to their children and send them to Chinese schools, so that their children would be familiar with spoken and written Chinese. However, when the parents get truly angry, they usually switch back to English to make sure there is no miscommunication on a very important point, for despite all the schooling the children cannot understand complicated Chinese sentences. Most kids that went to Chinese schools resented it anyhow; In fact, I have to push very hard to get Tiffany, one of the children I'm tutoring right now, to learn Chinese.

On the other hand, Hispanics emphasize more on assimilating into American society, and thus they speak English at home even if they know Spanish fluently. The kids usually grow up unfamiliar with the naunces of Spanish, and so in communications, Spanish is never spoken; even if it is, the kids wouldn't understand what it means.

In this case, however, Evan's dad is doubly malicious and strict, so I wouldn't put it beyond him to speak to Evan in Romanian/Russian and then beat him up if Evan doesn't understand. This is something you can explore on.
ToughPreacher chapter 15 . 12/28/2010
Hello Catherine, I hope you had a good Christmas break! Have you write up your New Years Resolutions yet? Anyways, I had a long day today, so I decided to let off stream by reading another one of your chapters. Here we go!

1)The more I read about Evan’s dad, the more I’m confused about him. I thought he’s a jackass who beats his son, forces said son to defend himself against bullies, gets drunk, and cannot overcome his grief. But then he’s really nice to his mom! What gives? I’d thought he would be a bit more… bitter against his mother, for reasons real or imagined.

2)Victoria, the girl Evan is crushing on, hugs him! If he was nervous around her before, then after the hug he should be even more nervous, not indifferent!

3)I’m more and more curious about Evan, our main hero. Why did he just yelled at Kylie just like that? And why is Evan so against the police taking him away from his abusive dad? I thought he hated his dad’s guts. His motive doesn’t seem that obvious to me… And why is Evan being so grateful to his dad all a sudden after he saw the cops? I mean, if it was me, and the social worker pushes really hard and I really does hate my dad, I would let things slip sooner or later. It just didn’t make sense to me at all.
ToughPreacher chapter 8 . 12/19/2010
Hey Catherine! This is Sam again. I just read through the chapter—and, although I can’t claim to represent the viewpoints of majority of the guys—I do find something interesting in your chapters.

1)Evan’s reasons for liking math are a little weird. From what I remembered back in high school, people there who like math are either:

a)Liked the mental challenges that comes with math, and see it as some sort of intelligence contest;

b)They see is as some kind of game, like how guys are playing Call of Duty 3 these days and brag about how “pro” they are, and

c)The “how useful math is” thing, how it fits with chemistry, physics, etc…. you won’t get that kind of insight until you go to college, really. It was in my mind back in high school, but it wasn’t the major factor why I liked math.

2)Personally, I think it’s quite hard to meet attractive girls in high school if you’re good at math—because over 95% of the attractive girls in high school don’t really like math. When I say “good at math” I mean people who took calculus at their junior year. How many pretty girls do you personally know who did that?

3)On Evan’s insecurities: you can subtly reinforce the point by having him exerting his utmost to work out some confidence to talk to some pretty girl, ONLY to get cruelly turned down. Rinse and repeat, preferably two to three times. Then have him meet Victoria, who’s even prettier than all the girls he had tried to talk to. Then the reader can really understand why he thinks he’s so unattractive! (And then afterwards he can cry to Kylie about his problems, etc)

4)“But if I have a twin brother…” I like that paragraph. Make it more evil and that will show that all the pressure on Evan is already cracking his moral code, and he’s beginning to slip to the point where he might do some… evil things to get away from the hell he’s living in, like how those school shooters.

5)Next paragraph, “I don't even know what normal parents do, with each other or with their kid”…. Nonono! Evan is a problem kid with issues. He’s unhappy. Everywhere he goes he would be either

A)blaming his dad for all his problems (whether his dad really have a hand in it or not), and imagining that everyone has it better than he does, or

B)blaming himself, feeling guilty (with some twisted logic), especially if somehow he has been… involved with whatever that killed his mom. Then he would be feeling that he is unworthy of any good things that happened to him at life, like Kylie.

Either way, he would “know” how “good” life with parents is, along the lines of, “Man, I wish I have parent’s like Victoria’s. Then I’ll be eating home-cooked food everyday, come home to see smiley faces, and no one will ever beat me up”, etc, etc.

6)The rest of the chapter is really nicely done. Better than anything I can cook up, definitely.
Sam chapter 6 . 12/19/2010
Hey Catherine! This is Sam again. How's your break going?

I just read through the chapter—and, although I can’t claim to represent the viewpoints of majority of the guys—I do find something interesting in your chapters.

1)Evan’s reasons for liking math are a little weird. From what I remembered back in high school, people there who like math are either:

a)Liked the mental challenges that comes with math, and see it as some sort of intelligence contest;

b)They see is as some kind of game, like how guys are playing Call of Duty 3 these days and brag about how “pro” they are, and

c)The “how useful math is” thing, how it fits with chemistry, physics, etc…. you won’t get that kind of insight until you go to college, really. It was in my mind back in high school, but it wasn’t the major factor why I liked math.

2)On a side note, I think it’s quite hard to meet attractive girls in high school if you’re good at math—because over 95% of the attractive girls in high school don’t really like math. When I say “good at math” I mean people who took calculus at their junior year. How many pretty girls do you personally know who did that?

3)On Evan’s insecurities: you can subtly reinforce the point by having him exerting his utmost to work out some confidence to talk to some pretty girl, ONLY to get cruelly turned down. Rinse and repeat, preferably two to three times. Then have him meet Victoria, who’s even prettier than all the girls he had tried to talk to. Then the reader can really understand why he thinks he’s so unattractive! (And then afterwards he can cry to Kylie about his problems, etc. If developed right, I believe this can even be a major subplot-how our hero start as a really vulnerable guy and grow up to be the kind of man that deserves to have an amazing girl like Kylie! But whether you want to do that or not, that's up to you.)

4)“But if I have a twin brother…” I like that paragraph. Make it more evil and that will show that all the pressure on Evan is already cracking his moral code, and he’s beginning to slip to the point where he might do some… evil things to get away from the hell he’s living in, like how those school shooters.

5)Next paragraph, “I don't even know what normal parents do, with each other or with their kid”…. Nonono! Evan is a problem kid with issues. He’s unhappy. Everywhere he goes he would be either

A)blaming his dad for all his problems (whether his dad really have a hand in it or not), and imagining that everyone has it better than he does, or

B)blaming himself, feeling guilty (with some twisted logic), especially if somehow he has been… involved with whatever that killed his mom. Then he would be feeling that he is unworthy of any good things that happened to him at life, like Kylie.

Either way, he would “know” how “good” life with parents is, along the lines of, “Man, I wish I have parent’s like Victoria’s. Then I’ll be eating home-cooked food everyday, come home to see smiley faces, and no one will ever beat me up”, etc, etc.

6)The rest of the chapter is really nicely done. Better than anything I can cook up, definitely.

All in all, I'm loving this fic more and more as I read further. Keep up the good work!
Kuroki Honoo chapter 20 . 12/10/2010
so he finally figured it out. actually, he figured out two big things: one - that Victoria called the cops, two - he likes Kylie. took him long enough. lols! so cute. too bad he's not brave enough to kiss her yet though... bet she was disappointed

also... trust me, that was so not graphic. not really. and it certainly doesn't qualify as smut so no worries. i'd say leave it in for now and if you ever send this in for publication or whatever then you let the publishers hash it out. i think it works. of course, that might just be me, my mind's kind of been desensitized or something, but i've read enough to know smut from definitely not smut at least. anyways...

can't wait for next chapter! sorry about absurdly long review XD

cheers!

~Kuroki
ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 20 . 12/10/2010
Thanks for putting up a new chapter, the suspense was KILLING me! (And now it is again!) Great chapter! I LOVE Kylie, and though I liked VIctoria a bit, and I'm glad she tried to do something to help Evan, but I think she needs to find someone new. Now, what you said about his dad switching to Russian or Romanian when he gets angry again worries me! Will he get angry again? Will it be as bad as the this time? Suspense! And, I think that it's an interesting idea, but it would have already showed because he seems to get ballistic (I love that word!) often. But I really did love this chapter, and I think that the scene where Evan is well, expressing himself (trying to put it delicately), is actually well written and you didn't reveal the awkwardness through your writing. You write with a lot of confidence. OMG, about the picture-ON IT! I spend all day drawing, always fictional characters, usually mine, sometimes Philip Pullman's, and occasionally Evan and I have just one of Kylie, but I cannot find it :/. I'm sorry if my Kylie isn't very accurate-The clothing is hard. I'll send it to you when I'm done
C.R.Hillin chapter 18 . 12/10/2010
Favorite part of the whole story:

"Score."
tomthedagger chapter 1 . 12/6/2010
Ok,

So... First off, I do not take child abuse lightly, from my past experiences it is my opinion that this story does not even give the perspective of an abused child, in a sense of the real dread and hardship that one can feel from enduring such cruelty from ones supposed to be trusted parent. I read this story as it was recommended to by a friend, and I do believe that the plot flows, but this kind of plot, if to made accurate can not be made to flow like a normal story. But on the other the experiences shared by an overwhelmingly large group of individualizes who live lives smiler to your character that experience the beatings he does on a daily bases, should not be consolidated into a story for ones entertainment.

Now on the other hand back to perspective, trying to write from the male perspective, I am impressed, but there are a few details that need cleared up, 1: there aren't many guys who don't understand sex by the age of 8 (I have heard some parents have trouble getting there kids to not jack off in public), 2: Most guys do not have the overly physiological problem with deciding to like an individual or not, like Victoria for example, yes a guy would be shy and probably be hard pressed to get a date but, it would be obvious to the girl, because I don't care what guy you talk about they all get nerves in these situations, and it becomes REAL apparent, don't matter what age either.

Ok, that covers the story in general and guys perspective what else can I comment on...

The household in witch your main character is raised baffles me because, think about it, a drunk alcoholic father, in a decent home partially supporting a child, ya about that... Now does it happen, hell yes, but the setting is usually way less suited for a novel.

Ok now, the whole situation with someone finding out about his situation, schools have safety measures in place to filter out those individuals and make sure they receive proper care, and with those failing, peers, friends, neighbors, etc, someone will notice, and will for sure know, they will usually address the individual before taking action due to the fact that social services are not to be taken lightly either, there part in a families issues should only be brought on after ones consent from one side or another or at least with warning from the party calling social services for this can do much more harm than good in wrong circumstances, as roughly demonstrated by your character.

Any other questions?
Kuroki Honoo chapter 19 . 12/5/2010
actually, for a sex scene seen from the perspective of a little kid, that was pretty well done. no complaints here. and, actually, call me weird but i think Kyle and Sandra being together is kind of cute even if it probably isn't very healthy. i wondered earlier when Kyle was so protective of her.
ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 19 . 12/5/2010
This was good too. Jw, but how old are Kyle and Sandra? I'm not saying they're slutty, just wondering how old. Still working on opinions from my friend... He's kind of naive compared to me; I'm not sure if he's ready for a story like this. I love it but it does have a rather dark tone, which I LOVE, and I'm not sure he could handle.

I do kind of like the story of Sandra and Kyle. They really do show how they've been affected by their family and by various foster homes; when Kyle says, I should punish you, and pulls off the belt. It sort of shows he's been raised with the idea of that's how you punish people; raised by someone like Evan's father.

I'm talking to my male friend now, and if I can get anything from him, I'll leave a review or send you a message. I'm loving this story! It's intriguing, and very different from any other story I've ever read. Thanks for posting it on here. Please don't ever stop!
ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 18 . 12/5/2010
OMG! I was SO excited when I got the notifications. I am really surprised; I was afraid he was dead honestly! Censor? Don't censor. Can't wait to read chapter 19! About boys' reviews. I have a friend who's a boy, and I was babbling about this story and waiting for a new chapter, when he asked me what I was talking about. I gave him a link, and he read some, and I'm going to do my best to get him to give me his honest opinions. When I leave my review for chap. 19, I'll let you know what he thinks!
ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 17 . 11/29/2010
Evan's so pitiful! Can't wait to find out what happens to him!
ItsAnneChickenNugget chapter 2 . 11/25/2010
That link didn't work, but if you go to and search prince Evan reading left to right, mine is the eighteenth.
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