|Reviews for This Corner Full of Piss & Fear|
| lookingwest chapter 2 . 1/21/2011
Ah, I should have been over here about a month ago...apologies.
I enjoyed the simile work in the second paragraph, you kept it going and it worked well, I think, to give us a wonderfully poetic picture. The vampiric qualities of the first part are fun too, because it sort of plays with me a bit-it evokes all these vampiric connotations but at the same time, it could just be a practical description of a woman on the prowl for a guy-I think it has a duel meaning there, and I loved the complexity of that.
Loved the "time trips along" line.
I do think this is quite disjointed at the end, sort of like the character took you and started running through the story, pulling your arm, haha. I like the way that it flows and I love your attention to the detail and how you always keep the five senses in your writing too, it brings it to life, lets it breathe. I felt the wild disorientation of it once we snapped into the first person-it carried, like I said, disjointed, but it also got across that wild theme you had in the third person in the first part. Overall enjoyed it, but I still like the final decision to restart with what you have in the final draft of This Corner...
| PM - Nov 14th 2010 chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
I'm surprise that more readers didn't catch on. It started to sink in for me when you kept repeating different blood types and it almost seemed like he was getting more excited as the poem progressed (almost like a kid in candy store). I got the feeling he was hungry and searching for something, not to mention at the beginning he seemed to be crawling out grave. Thank you for sharing this excellent piece.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 1/10/2011
I can't believe this chapter hasn't got any reviews yet. It's brilliant; I love the descriptions you use and the first line is genius. Compared to the modern idea of vampires, this is original and striking; it takes away the glamour of it and strips it down to what it really is; death, and the birth of a monster. Every word seems carefully chosen, and the use of 'brother' makes it more powerful, it emphasises the idea of the narrator talking to the reader. Great stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 3 . 1/8/2011
I really can't stress this enough; I love your writing style. This chapter is perhaps my favourite so far - I love the inserts of dialogue between the characters and the way you bring in Anne Rice and the way she described vampires compared to the vampires here. I also really like the way you hint towards things without explicitly stating them or overstating them, like with [He was never quite the same afterwards, and they never felt entirely comfortable around him.] I love the contradiction in the way they're thinking about killing and eating each other but how they're disguisted at the idea of drinking blood; again, your writing style is great and this is a great chapter.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 1/3/2011
I really liked this chapter - it draws you right into the mind of the character, and I like how we follow him following her, you really get a sense of movement throughout it. Great job.
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 12/12/2010
Congratulations on winning the November Review Marathon!
So I'm really enjoying this new style of yours. The lyrical prose you employ here are great, and they create a sort of running stream of consciousness that shows the reader everything that is going on. There is not one ounce of telling throughout this piece.
The actual content of this was interesting. I'm not a big fan of vampire fiction (I assume that's what this is about), and not because of Stephy. I just don't like it. But this, I thought was a decent portrayal, and you certainly did your narrator justice with this piece, even if I don't like that character. He/she, seemed to be believable, I thought.
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
Wow, what a fantastic poem! That's some crazy stuff right there. I don't know if I completely understood it, but that's okay, cos wow, that was just too good. The lines that contained really disgusting or gory bits are awesome, like,
"The shit, brother.
Caked and crusted and crunch-crunching, and."
I'm also guessing that it was a vampire, drinking the girl's blood, or somethign similar? You wrote it so well, and I especially like how you've written it out as one whole chunk, without stanzas or anything. It gave the poem a certain flow that made it all the more better.
I don't really know what else to say about this poem... don't really have anything to critique. AWESOME stuff, keep up the good work :D Loving your writing as usual.
| Indigo Masquerade chapter 1 . 11/30/2010
This is beautiful. And I love the swears, don't you dare change them! The title is just perfect.
I love how this reads like a poem or a song, without being too rhymey (I invented a new word just for you). I'm not usually a fan of songs being woven into stories as I usually end up skipping over the lyrics, but you did it very smoothly.
The gory, horrible little details are simply beautiful. A few of my favourites:
'They dine on visions with new eyes.'
'Our existence begins with humiliation. We shit ourselves. The shit and piss is pungent in this cramped place. It shrivels the bosom, brother.'
'I hear her breathing; smell the sex on her thigh.'
I was not expecting this to be about a vampire (or similar parasite-like creature) but it was a pleasant surprise.
I have to put you on alert now to see what else you come up with.
Apologies for the gushing, non-constructive review. I couldn't find anything I didn't like in this piece.
From The Roadhouse.
| Narq chapter 1 . 11/29/2010
Wow. This is definately one of the best poems I've seen.
I would (as always) reccomend you to put this in stanzas, but somehow stanzas don't seem to work. The randomness, the clumsy feel of it (but obviously this isn't clumsily written) just adds so it's right that it's not in stanzas.
I loved the repetition, it made my head spin in an annoying way which, I'd say, is good, because it made me react, which is all what writing is about!
| Snowflakes Are Drifting chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
Made my mind spin. Is it about a vampire? It's very good, but the repitition had made my head hurts a bit, idk why. btw can you review one of my story too?
It's call the "Survival of the Fittest."
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 11/21/2010
I'm going to guess at a vampire narrotor? I kind of picked up on that sort of element, undercurrent near the end, with the mention of being hungry and the vein etc.
Some of it sounded familiar, in a really good way, but I can't pinpoint exactly which lines which is really going to bug me.
Anyways, a great poem; the rhythm worked well and it really drew you right into it, I loved the repition of brother. Nice work.
| wisedec4u chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
Wow, that was really haunting. I wasn't until I got to the end that I started realize this is from the POV of vampire (I hope I'm right). I love the rhythm of your verses, the repetitive phrases and how your use of metaphors to represent the vampires death, his rise from the earth to stalk for prey. How was thirsty to fill the cracks and finally at the end finds his female victim to fulfill his "cracks". I thought this very well done. On the surface some may not get this, but I like that you make the reader dig a little deeper to find your poem true meaning.
| Stuart Johnson chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
Well, while I like the overall style of this poem, I wonder if resorting to swear words was necessary to add the power of the piece.
Still, the rhythm never stops, and it flows rather well. Out of a ten, I give your poem an eight. :)
Congratulations on this powerful piece.
| RedactedNoLongerWriting chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
-I don't get this
The dirt shifts and I shuffle and the bugs scuttle and it's muddled.
-Love this line. Such a cool, creepy image.
I'm afraid I'm not really sure at the end what's going on/what's happened. I know it's something stressful and I'm leaning towards it being a bad thing but I have no idea as to specifics. Overall, though, that didn't bother me too much because it was an interesting read. The writing had a cool flow to it, with the repetition and rather stream-of-consciousness progression. It made for some fascinating idea changes that reminded me of how ideas work in my own head, like the line "type O, type—Oh! the rain, brother."
Nice work and good luck in the WCC!
| What Happens Now chapter 1 . 11/13/2010
I like: This flows well, I feel like you put lots of effort into this
I dont like: I don't know whats going on, I feel like this has some meaning that maybe only you are supposed to understand, and if so I like that too