|Reviews for This Corner Full of Piss & Fear|
| Sir Thames chapter 1 . 11/10/2010
Interesting poem. It's like you put your feelings into it. I can't explain it, but deep down I despair. Carry on.
| Postscript624 chapter 1 . 11/10/2010
Jeezum crow, I can't even express how much I loved this piece. I can only describe it as SCREAMING at me.
Clever little lines everywhere
"Come brother, come, type O.
Oh, you know. You know me, brother."
""Chilly out, isn't it?"
She's spoken first and her voice is liquid."
Just everywhere. Incredible flow, diction, etc.
| Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 11/8/2010
Loved your word choice throughout. For some reason, I kept imagining coffins. You got across a confined and reckless feeling.
I'm no poetry expert (hell, most of the time the really abstract stuff just confuses me), but the rhythm and style of this worked so well.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 11/8/2010
Wow, KICK ASS. I loved this! Holy. Crappers. XD *puts on favorites* This was amazing. I caught the Modest Mouse one for sure, but was the Type, Type O, rhythm yours or from Radiohead or the Misfits? I thought that was amazingly worked in, if your own, extraordinary, if not, innovative in how you shaped the words around that line. God, really, I loved this. It's so cool, XD. The rhythm is so cool! Gosh, I'm even having a hard time critiquing. I honestly have nothing to critique, XD. Like, I'm not going to go through and pick lines I liked because I pretty much liked every single on of them.
Prompt wise, I actually just forgot about the prompt while reading because I think this really just stands alone and is so independent of it, yet, when I think on the prompt, I can see the ties with the themes of just plain ol' dirty-ness, XD. I liked the tie in of the "brother" discourse ;) I would LOVE to see this slammed. Nothing jumped out to me with error or anything, it was all very smooth. The word choice was amazing and I also like your decision to not keep it all grouped together but use the space in between the lines. I think if it was formatted with no line space it could have gotten congested, but you left room to breathe here, which is ironic but I think needed as well. I just loved it. Ack. Man, I should stop gushing now, XD. If you had any specific question you needed answered about this that I obviously didn't touch on due to my crappy just "reaction review" tactic, let me know and I will do my best to answer it in depth, of course.
*goes to listen to Parting of the Sensory*
Best of luck in the WCC, Liana!
| xenolith chapter 1 . 11/7/2010
Woo-hoo WCC! This is a good un :D
I think this was the most evocative take on the prompt I've read so far. I haven't looked at the picture in a while but I could still get a really good sense of it, even though it was all consciousness and very little description, it felt dark and damp and dirty. I liked how it was really ambigious (well to me anyway lol), and the way your formatted it made reading it quite an experience. It's like, down, down, down, deeper into something sweet and terrible, and the format and the rhythm mirrored the subject matter and the words, drinking, down, the whole thing was reminded me of downing something really fast, like a long shot. I think I'm rambling, sorry!
'They hang on to it like their former lives, former times, former ties.'
- this is the kind of rhythm I liked, really sing-songy that hints at the state of mind of the narrator, childlike but not innocent.
I didn't like the line about noxious breath, for some reason I think the word noxious is an over-kill. You could use a better description, a crazy description, vapid, green, red, terrible, anything, because the language so far has been really informal and it works well.
My favourite line was 'Their hearts pump dust', that is brilliant. I think I'm going to remember that one for a while.
Very strong contender for the wcc this month. Very much enjoyed reading it. All the best! :)
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 11/6/2010
love the rhythm and lyricism here. i thought we had zombies at first, despite the early and regular reminder of blood, lol, don't mind me, I"m slow. Really puts the 'dead' back into the undead! took me a littl while to figure the italics were someone else too - it must be way too hot today. It's not you, it's me. Swear. no, but lovely piece, awesome song-like quality and description, love teh girl too, her attempts at conversation and everything, his hesitation, everything. lovely! (sorry, brain is hot :S)
| berley chapter 1 . 11/6/2010
Not going to lie, you changing your pen name was a bit of a mind fuck for me. haha I really enjoyed reading this. A lot of the lines made me smile, which is a little weird on my part, but I liked it.
"Our existence begins with humiliation. We shit ourselves."
"But there's a hunger so deep and a thirst so dry it feels as though I'm cracking."
"Her vein throbs to the beat."
I particularily liked those lines. The flow was great, it was easy to read and easy to follow. I also really liked you how used descriptions of all the senses. I was constantly imagining different sights, smells, sounds and even textures.
Great use to the prompt, using the idea of death and coming back from the dead. Awesome piece, I really liked it. Which I have said a couple of times now. haha.
Good luck on the WCC!