|Reviews for The Four Seasons|
| Loss of Words chapter 1 . 11/14/2010
Hey! I promised to do a review for anyone who reviewed the novel I'm writing. You reviewed me twice, so here I am!
Question though, before I begin - you said you love this story. Is this one that you've already written, or you've already got the whole thing composed in your head? If it's the latter, bravo! If it's the former, WHY HAVEN'T YOU POSTED THE OTHER CHAPTERS YET? :)
Okay, onto the story itself. I definitely like your choice of names for Troy. :) I noticed that you haven't mentioned the names of the parents or the grandmother yet. If you plan on doing the POVs of the grandmother, it'd be a good idea to give her a name, ESPECIALLY since you're bringing up her childhood memories, and she certainly wasn't called "grandma" when she was a child. ;)
I like the hint of adventure near the end, it makes me want to read the next chapter and it has me wondering just what adventure Grandma went on as a child so many years ago.
One thing that really stood out to me was the writing style. Currently your writing style makes it feel like the whole scene is recalled as if from a dream - the sentences are really disjointed and not really connected. This is FINE, as long as it's what you intend. If not, then I think that it would really, really help you to work on your word flow. In other words, your sentences and paragraphs should flow smoothly, and be easy to read.
A couple of suggestions as to how to get your writing smoother:
1) Have the scene in your head before you write. You can have it as an emotion, a video playing in your mind, the words themselves, whatever - but have the scene in your head before you write. It's easier to write smoothly when you know what you want to write.
2)Write longer, more complex sentences. Note: I am NOT advocating run-on sentences; I am advocating more complex sentences. This allows you to connect ideas and makes it easier for you to take a reader on the journey. Basically, anything you write should be easy to read smoothly.
3) Read like crazy from authors who are exceptionally smooth and expressive writers. My favorite two authors in the past years have been Ted Dekker and Terr Blackstock, they are FANTASTIC writers who write very smoothly and enticingly. I just devour Ted Dekker's books, he is a master of Thriller fiction. :)
See if that helps at all. :P So far, you've written a really intriguing chapter, and I'm excited to see where it goes! And thanks for the encouragement and subbing to my story, I appreciate it tons!