|Reviews for Whatever Comes Next|
| oxygenicide chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
The thing that drew me to this story was the description. I can't tell you how much I relate to Vera! I have a best friend like Terrence, who has this permanent grin plastered on his face. And then there's me, with a permanent scowl and bad mood. But for some odd reason, we're still real close :) It was freaky how I could associate with some lines - even my friend makes this ridiculous puppy dog face!
This is a sweet story, but there are some things I'd like to point out, if you don't mind
1. There are lots of grammatical errors. Fixing those and a better use of punctuations would make this a LOT easier and more enjoyable to read.
For example, the last line is great. It would have had a greater impact if there wasn't a grammatical mistake.
"She grins to." should be "She grins too."
I read a couple of your other pieces too and I would suggest a beta reader.
2. I don't understand why some scenes are there, like the fight scene before lunch. It seems a bit unnecessary to me, even the bit about the security check before she enters school, and some of the banter when Terrence is trying to convince her to come with him.
3. The story is centre-aligned... Why?