|Reviews for Like Eiderdown & Disendowers|
| wisedec4u chapter 19 . 1/12/2014
I enjoyed the chapter immensely. I would say the strongest section that set with me the most was when she was looking for money for birth control pills. Not only did I get insight into her thoughts and feelings about the next crucial step she was about to take with Dan, but it also gave me more backstory on her relationship with her mother. I thought you did a good job meshing these to thought patterns together without being confusing. I also enjoyed the sweet moment after she and Dan consummated their relationship. I like the way you described her feelings afterwards. It was done very realistically though I'm not sure how she lost her virginity and didn't bleed a least a tiny bit. I would liked to have read a little more of that intimate moment between them rather than you just fading to black. It seemed like too important a scene to skip over. There's ways of writing love scenes without being over graphic, but still leaving your reader satisfied. I also would've like to get Dan's perspective or at least had him express his feelings to Rebecca regarding their first time together. Did he have any residual guilt behind it or has he totally thrown caution to the wind? Overall, it was a great read. I look forward to reading more chapters.
| wisedec4u chapter 18 . 1/10/2014
It's been awhile since I read this so I reading this as a a stand alone. I liked the convo btw Dan and Jen. Jen has a lively attitude that makes her ever likeable. She also not easily manipulated. She obviously likes Dan but it doesn't blind her to the fact that he may be crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed with his student. I also liked that she nearly got him to confess. The ending was the most heartwrenching. The push pull between Rebecca and Dan was so beautiful done. I sympathize with them. Nothing is ever perfect. I'm surprised that he gave in to feelings so quickly considering the trouble he put forth in getting her transfer from his class. Overall it was a great read.
| boona chapter 7 . 1/8/2014
Salutations and how yur doing? Sorry about that, but this chapter has made my racing heart calmed down finally. I really like how it felt like a panning view as in a movie combined with the visualization. The flow was paced well as usual and the long awaited rescue scene pops up, only to have me laughing out loud. The teacher Mr. Waters is so far my favorite character, especially since he seems to embody what a teacher should be like.
Someone who cares about his student, someone who even though he is human he tries his best to do the right thing. Really good job keep it up.
| boona chapter 2 . 1/8/2014
Okay I am writing this review after reading ch.8. I really like your story and the way you write. For this chapter the thing I loved are the characters introduced. The damaged feel makes them feel more like real people than just characters in a story. I can easily connect with certain characters and the scenery has been done well. It feels like I am looking at a movie, and the words you use at times make me wanna look them up, which I love.
The thing I didn't like is that I didn't know what some the words meant, and that took away from diving right in. my opinion though, though I knew what the foods were sadly too much food network.
I wonder if you could read and review my story, Cries under the fractured moon if you want to.
Keep up the good work and because this story so far is great.
| boona chapter 6 . 1/8/2014
My heart is beating none stop like when I fired a howitzer. That incessant roaring in my ears isn't the reverberation of it firing though, but of my heart. Really a great job my nerves are so charged that it feels like I'm high on caffeine. The fast paced flow that left me begging for more. The suspense of wondering what is going to happen and the fact you just made me feel inspired to write something. I can't really place the words on what I can say about this chapter that I don't like. There isn't any thing I can say but one word, marvelous, simply marvelous...
| boona chapter 5 . 1/8/2014
Salutations, good job doesn't do you justice here. Great job! For real this chapter got my heart a pumping and not settling down. I love the flow of your story because once I started to read it I don't want to stop it. I planned to read on more chapters before posting, but this development and the excellent use of starvation as a means to break someone's will... (must stop rant mode before I run out of words to say and breath.) Anyways as I said before this chapter had my heart a racing and saying I knew that Mr. Phelan was a dirty SOB from his actions beforehand.
The build up and suspense was well pulled off and I do feel that she feels obligated to him. That feeling of obligation I get from reading her parts kept her from seeing those flashing red lights till it was too late. Now returning to reading, ciao!
P.s. Almost punched my laptop when Phelan revealed his cards. I love your story and I mean it.
| carlalegre chapter 2 . 1/8/2014
I love the way you write. It's very intriguing and keeps me hooked throughout the entire chapter. Once again, I didn't notice any grammatical errors. I thought I had seen a misplaced word somewhere but when I went back to try to find it, I couldn't.
Anyways, I think you did really well in introducing Tom and Roger. The way you explained Rebecca's life and its past grievances was concise but held enough detail for it to come across in a delicate manner. I kind of got the heebie-jeebies from Roger… I'm still not completely certain that it's his generosity that played a part in his insistent suggestion.
I'm starting to like Mr. Waters more and more. He seems like a genuinely kind human being.
Great job, once again. Can't wait to read more :)
| Jalux chapter 14 . 1/7/2014
I really liked the conversation between Rebecca and Phelan, there was a definite sense of tension there and the emotion really came across well, nicely-written. Honestly Phelan is a bit too nasty, but I think it's necessary, you also manage to make him talk like he's both crazy and intelligent at the same time. Personally I don't think major revising is needed, the dialogue is still very good and the character interactions were interesting in this chapter. Still iffy on Jen and Dan, it seems less interesting when compared to Rebecca's situation.
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 23 . 1/4/2014
So I'm a bit distressed today - nothing big, just general malaise, and the promise of an annoying work shift tomorrow not making me very keen on being lol giddy-happy. I also should catch a nap before I'm required to do a bit more of editing on 'Carnations' Wake'.
But I'll just review. I really love the writing in this chapter. It's more downplayed than the chapters in the beginning of this story were, but it's also more tender and also very honest. I really liked the scene at the bus stop, for example, just for how gentle and sad it seems. It's a bit bittersweet. I also liked the scenes at the beginning, with Rebecca cutting her off and trying to contemplate what her state of being is. It's very bitter and jaded, but I think it feels very honest and raw without being overdramatic. Also, I feel like I should reflect on Rebecca's emotional state, but I lack the clever words or the insight. It just rings true...is that good for you? That it just ...seems very honest, and I myself often felt like this (especially this wish to just disappear, or going through bad hair cuts - yeah I've done those lol).
1. I think I got it, in essence. I just have a hard time talking about feelings or emotions because I'm not sure what to say, really. I've said before that Rebecca is broken and that those events have really changed her, and marked her in what I don't necessarily feel is a good way. I do think that college and leaving everything behind is the only way for her to really escape. Even if it meant leaving her innocence behind. I might re-read other reviews to see what others thought of this scene, but I find it hard to pinpoint: it's just that Rebecca is going through this stage of in-betweenness where you're no longer a child, but not quite a woman yet either. I forgot to say - I do like how you addressed the whole survivor's issues thing. I don't feel it was offensive in any way. The bluntness was refreshing.
2. I think I'm a bit too sad/affected by this chapter to be greatly nitpicky. If I went back to re-read I'd always find something sure; I sometimes think you dithered a bit too much, and the whole passage with Dan and the sex scene - well I felt like skimming that. I'm not a big fan of romanticised sex scenes, and the whole passage with the woman and her elder husband was, maybe, just a tad too melodramatic for me. But I'm only addressing those things because you actually asked :P I guess I just feel annoyed that Dan is talking about 'helping' Rebecca while he's sleeping with her and clearly losing himself in her youth (and the sex she offers).
3. Haha, not really. I'm curious to see how you'll end this, since I've come this far already. I want to know how you'll tie in the whole Phelan shebang and deal with Rebecca and Dan's relationship. Actually I'd love for you to write more on Phelan's backstory; I wasn't lying when I said that this was probably my favourite chapter in the story so far (lol).
4. If I’m honest, I don't root for them. It's just that Rebecca is too broken to be with anyone at this point, least of all her English teacher. I also think that Dan is with her for the wrong reasons - he wants to protect her, guard her, and I feel that this isn't really what Rebecca needs? But you know, I love this story a lot, for how it makes us think and doesn't necessarily romanticise the relationship. I’d rather see Rebecca leave the town, and just start a new life of her own. But no matter how you end this story, I’m still really in love with your style and the general complexity.
| alltheeagles chapter 20 . 1/4/2014
The opening is lovely. It’s straightforward romance writing, and a good example of it at that. You don’t need to know anything about Dan and Rebecca, just that they are a couple in love, in order to enjoy this part. The part on the test was good too – I liked the dinosaur reference a lot. All in all, I liked this chapter very much! Which goes to show that I like your romance writing but was distracted by the age difference; once I got over that everything’s swell.
Yes, you’re right, the ending is indeed very bare. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because it contributes to a sense of emergency and impending disaster. Yes, you ended with a cliffhanger, which would get many people’s goat, but me, I have absolutely nothing against that.
-He HAD found the bridge (the phantom past perfect strikes again)
-They might see of white-tailed deer (missing word?)
| alltheeagles chapter 19 . 1/4/2014
The first part was beautifully bittersweet. The thoughts of her mother interlaced with her seach for the pills was what made her actions poignant rather than cold-heartedly pragmatic. The second part... well it still came as a surprise, even with all the preparation that was described. I don’t know, I suppose all along I just thought it would be Dan taking the lead (in retrospect, it was probably all the hype about him trying not to lose control that led to that assumption) rather than her kind of asking him to.
I’m not sure about how Hannah’s ‘presentation’ ties in with what Rebecca did, but I suppose it could be taken as a comment on how Rebecca is also so wrapped up in her own problems that she’s not losing touch with her friends.
In response to your questions: the strongest part for me was the beginning, the weakest about Hannah, as explained above. The flow is good, I think, kind of choronology-ish. Dan and Rebecca’s first time was actually only alluded to, but that’s reasonable given the T rating. It wasn’t subtle in the sense that you made it clear that it did happen, what with the mention of bloody bedsheets, but it wasn’t in-your-face either, so I think you got the balance about right.
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 22 . 1/3/2014
I'm not going to say that anything was confusing, because it was all very clear and beautiful. And if I didn't review earlier, then it was because I was busy, and just didn't want to ruin the pleasure of having to catch up on those chapters. Because it's chapter 22 too now, and I remember reading this story on a whim two months ago, and thinking that I'd never really enjoy a romance novel - but I am :).
I'll start on the writing - the tension was gorgeous during the gun/confrontation scene. I think the tension was right there, with the lines you kept repeating, and how you made clear that Rebecca was scared. I also liked how she was in denial, at first, over Phelan's story. But how she did eventually come to accept it, even if it hurt her.
I love Phelan, I admit. He's such a charming, creepy bastard. I also just like how he plays mindgames with them all - Rebecca and even Dan. I've realised now that he's really corrupted Rebecca: her life is in shambles because of him, and I like that Dan finally realised that - that he's not the right person for her, after all. But eh, we'll see if this continues in the next chapter. As I said, I'm still not really sure I support this romance, because Rebecca is really messed up, and I do think she needs to really redefine her own values before hooking up with a man who's lost and lonely as Dan is.
I'm not always clear about the motivations of the characters, but I don't see that as a bad thing. It means they're complex and multi-layered, especially Phelan and even Rebecca now. She's definitely been changing and I do wonder how else she'll evolve. As for Dan - I still think that he has a tendency to just disappear. He's so helpless in this situation, and I'm starting to think it's really intentional - like you're making it clear that he really cannot help Rebecca in any way but is just a flight.
Haha, I might be completely wrong but I rather enjoy interpreting this story.
Also what was love: the Physics reference in this chapter :3
| Jalux chapter 13 . 1/3/2014
Rebecca's love for physics felt like a nice piece of characterization and kind of fits with her character to be honest, so yeah I like how you keep building upon your characters. This chapter sort of feels like a build-up chapter, the plot doesn't seem to move much but that's fine because it's nice to take a break once in a while and build up your characters and prepare everything for a plot-filled chapter. Phelan kinda seems more and more dislike-able each chapter for me, especially his mistake in this chapter. Overall, just a solid chapter to read, good grammar and good character developing.
| Jalux chapter 12 . 1/3/2014
I thought the first scene was a nice change of pace from your more serious writing, it's kinda heart warming to read some light conversation and a meal. I think this chapter did quite a bit for Rebecca's character, particular her interaction with others so I really liked that she seems more open and jokes around a bit. I think the dream could use a little work however, the emotional aspect was lacking there, you had a dream scene earlier in the story which I felt was much stronger.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 23 . 1/1/2014
Going to review a bit while I read, then I'll answer your questions at the end.
I like these little details you give of the counselor right in the beginning with the mirror. One thing I always noticed about your writing is that you give even minor characters little unique ticks and quirks, which makes them a lot easier to remember and breathes a large amount of life into them from the very beginning, making them feel much more human. Instead of a paper cut-out, or like a cookie cutter character that meets a certain trope, you always give them mannerisms that are very human and reflect a certain personality about them. I was smiling at the comment that the counselor keeps the mirror there to check the clock when she has annoying students in her office, lol.
I like the disorientation at the beginning of this chapter. I think it's really effective in showing how Rebecca is feeling. I remember reading this after you updated, and now reading it again it's a lot clearer the second time around. I think it's really cool when stuff is like that - shows there's a lot of layers, and it takes another reading to get into those deeper ones. But it's also just disorienting enough to give it that full effect of mirroring Rebecca's current mental state during a cold reading to where when I get to the paragraph that describes her in her bathroom between the tub and toilet, I'm surprised we're not in the counselor's office. And I'm also feeling really bad for Rebecca, because there's obviously something going on inside her head that she needs help to deal with.
The way she sort of sees the cutting of her hair in this scene as an attempt to shed what had happened to her makes me think of this novella I read called "Green Angel." In that book, the MC gave herself tattoos after her family died in order to distract herself from the mental pain by inflicting physical pain. By the end of the book the tattoos went from black to green (to symbolize nature and a rediscovery in herself), so I see some similarities between both situations: they do this thing, like Rebecca cutting her hair, as a way to try and cope with what they've been through.
You have some really nice imagery through this, especially ones that address the sense of touch. Really liking the way you keep bringing up the hair - the inner English major in me wants to interpret it as something a person can lose without worrying about pain or dying. A part of our bodies that is expendable and can be shed like a snake's skin. I'm thinking Rebecca is subconsciously hoping that cutting her hair will rid her of the memories she had to go through, but the hair just seems to keep slipping off the paper and sticking to her, reminding her that you can't just cut off and throw away something as terrible as what happened to her.
That part with the bus stop and the couple is really cute. I think it not only shows the type of relationship Dan and Rebecca can have, but that it's also a little more common and more widely accepted than it was in the past for there to be such a big age gap between people.
In answer to your author's note:
1.) I think I might have already answered this question. Going a little more in-depth with her "survivor" comments, I can totally see her reasoning and how when you're a survivor that's all people will think about you. It's sort of a label that society sees as something good and positive, but it's also a label that'll never let you forget about what you were forced to survive, no matter how much you might want to. Cancer survivors spring to mind above all else. I'm sure not all cancer survivors want to be remembered as such, especially because it brings them back to a place where I'm sure they'd rather not be what someone brings up the subject. So while I think being a "survivor" might give some people strength and a drive to try and prevent what they were forced to survive, I think for others it sort of stigmatizes them with a memory they're now never allowed to forget.
2.) The only line I might be nit-picky about is the one where Tom offers Rebecca the wine like an olive branch. If I remember my Greek mythology correctly, the olive tree is a symbol for Athena, goddess of strategy and wisdom. But that's really the only connection I could make and I'm not sure how it links into Rebecca's situation or her character. If he was handing her a martini I think that might make a little more sense since you put olives in martinis, but yeah, the olive branch - I wasn't sure what type of simile that was supposed to be, or if it was making a reference to something literary.
3.) I don't have any questions that I can think of right now, no. Everything seems to have pretty much fallen into place and I think each character has so far found a place where they at least somewhat belong. Like Phelan leaving the school and Tom getting on the inside with that stock exchange stuff that might not be entirely legal.
4.) I'm still a little squicky with how young Rebecca is, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy this story. I really do. And I love how you're able to approach such a taboo subject as this in such a polished and mature way - I really appreciate this story for what it is and what it does, and I love reading things that make me question whether or not what i think or what society has taught me to think is really right or wrong. Who are we to determine when someone is mature enough to dive into a relationship with someone much older than them? My sister has been with a guy that's old enough to be her dad for about 10 years now, and they have 2 kids together. Of course, my sister was 26 when they got together, so it's a bit different. I think it's not really the age that bothers me, but Rebecca's vulnerable state of mind. And I think the only thing that makes me willing to believe she might be able to handle this type of relationship in her current state is that from what i've seen of Dan, I don't think he'd take advantage of her. So I think the way you've molded the characters and situation is what makes me, ultimately, able to think that by the end of this I think they should be together. But then again, like I already mentioned, this type of thing (determining a person's maturity just by their age) is something I question very often. Who am I decide that Rebecca can't handle this just because she's a teenager?
let me know if you have any other questions or if you'd like some more clarification on anything i said. I can't wait for the last chapter! and don't worry, I'm sure you'll get to it as soon as you're ready. :) Update soon!