Reviewing as I go because too many reactions. O.o

Something i find odd is Rebecca and Tom’s relationship— before it got super weird and sketchy. They don’t seem to have any connection whatsoever. Rebecca’s fantasizing about his death, but she doesn’t feel betrayal, sadness, guilt, or anything, which seems odd to me. Maybe she’s in shock, but it’s not clear. Also, I’m confused as to where she and Tom left things. He sort of dropped out of the picture.

Ugh, I feel so bad for Rebecca. She doesn’t owe him anything! I don’t understand, she’s always feeling majorly uncomfortable around Phelan (enough to make her finger bleed from gripping the table top) but she never puts together why. Maybe she’s desperate and can’t think straight?

Tiny nitpicky thing: “She was bleeding.” missing the period.

Oh my God! He’s making her a sex slave for his rich buddies WHAT WHAT WHAT this is why he’s been after her and Tom all along!
Wow, is Tom going along with Mr. Phelan? Is he the one who told the school she was sick? Yikes.
When Dan is talking to Andy, he mentions that he had some sex drive and went on a few dates, but he never remembered his obsession with Rebecca, which surprised me because he thinks about her a lot.

Well, that was unexpected twist.

Oh my God, I have to admit drunk Tom took me by surprise. I can’t believe he harassed Rebecca! I wonder if they will talk about what happened… I can’t imagine anything can be the same between them again.
Poor Rebecca. She has such a messed up home life, and everyone who wants to help her seems to have ulterior motives. I’m interested in how she compared herself to Abigail Williams. She seems desperate and backed into a corner now. I wonder how things will play out.

I really like Dan's comparison of Rebecca’s mask of happiness to Splenda. It makes me think that everything she does is an act— even when everything’s falling apart, she still wants Dan to think she’s well adjusted to write her a good college recommendation letter, how she’s focusing so much on getting good grades and track. She doesn’t really hold her friends close either and she never confides in them. I get the feeling she thinks her life there is temporary and she wants to escape to college.

I found a typo: should be ["pouring” over notes] not [“poring” over notes]

Wow, Mr. Phelan is coming off as a complete creep, especially with his Cheshire cat grin. He’s acting like a loan shark, oh I’d let your brother’s debt slide if you come live with me. I’m glad Rebecca has the sense to be cautious about it. I hope she talks to Tom about the situation. The way Mr. Phelan keeps saying Tom is unstable makes me wonder if Tom is involved in something dangerous. He definitely knows something Rebecca doesn't. I feel so bad for her. She already has so much pressure from school, now she has to deal with this.

Rebecca’s friends seem great. They remind me of my friends who keep me from hermiting xD
So far Rebecca doesn’t seem to have any interest in what most teenage girls are interested in— social life and boys. So far, she hasn't been interested in any of her classmates. I guess she has some perspective because of her family situation, and she seems rather grown up and serious for her age.

Yay, I'm the notes! And then I procrastinated for a year, so I probably don't deserve to be there. Ah well. I'm glad you enjoyed my positivity and I hope that my criticism doesn't detain you from writing. Because I'm still writing and I hope you are too!

Well, hello there. I have this weird habit; if people tell me their birthday, I put it in a birthday app on my phone that notifies me whenever someone has a birthday coming around.
Today, my phone told me that it was your birthday. How weird, right? Have a good one, even though you're probably in Europe right now and your family in the USA.
And of course, here is my birthday gift. Something I've been postponing for a long while. My review of the final chapter. Here we go! :)

(Also, lol... I wrote this bit before I read the chapter. Loved how you pointed out your birthday in the A/N too)

First of all, what I thought was awesome, was the chat with mr. and mrs. Linden. I felt it was very recognizable, because every school has parents like those, who think that their child is 'special' and are willing to overstep a lot of boundaries to make sure they're happy, at all costs. I loved the awkwardness in their conversation.
However, I'm still a bit troubled by how it doesn't really feel like an ending. What you said in your Author's Note, that it was too much for a final chapter, is something I'm afraid I'll have to agree with. It feels like the story just ends way too soon, with Jen catching Rebecca and Dan. Honestly, I'm very willing to see the good stuff that happens afterwards, the fights and how they're torn apart - why did you have to end it here? I'd love to see more of this.
However, I do have to commend you on finishing this story. (Even though I'm a year late) It's freaking hard to finish something, especially if it took as long as it took you with this story. I'm still in love with the characters deeply, and they're very well-written - but there's nothing in my previous review I don't agree with.
Anyway, I hope you're still writing, because I still think you're an awesome author and I hope to read more from you in the future!

Rebecca seems the type of person who is eager to please. She doesn’t think too highly of finance, but she wants to impress/ smile for Mr. Phelan. In her place, I would be slightly annoyed, but she seems to enjoy the attention. [Maybe I’m reading her wrong. It's too early to tell.]
Rebecca is cynical, but remarkably well adjusted in spite of her parents’ death. She seems to keep herself busy with track and getting good grades. I feel kind of bad for Tom too. He is desperately trying to please Mr. Phelan and succeed in finance to provide for Rebecca. She and Tom don’t have the greatest of relationships though. I don’t know if she realizes Tom has a lot of responsibility for her.
Phelan seems weirdly generous to Tom and Rebecca (especially for a VC), and it makes me question his motives. (A question: you said Mr. Phelan was never in the closet, but Rebecca is saying he’s implying she thought he was heterosexual? Sorry if I’m missing something)
And then we have more of Waters trying to get closer to Rebecca. He even asked her to come to school early just to see him. Woah, dude. I wonder if they will get into a relationship and how that will progress. Maybe Waters will lose his job… even though he was tenured. Not to mention Mr. Phelan is the chair of the English department. I sense impending doom.

hullo there! chapter 1!

so, ive decided that its actually more offensive when someone starts a review with all the things they dont usually read because of this bias and that bias, etc. i will say, this is the first story of its kind i've ever read and i'm excited to get started!

i really liked the way you described the attraction that the teacher had for her, particularly because it felt like it was the kind of attraction that could only arise between a teacher and his student - that is to say, if maybe he'd met her in another medium, he'd never had appreciated her the same way. his nervous energy was endearing, especially given his age. you'd think when you're that old you'd be past the butterflies and awkward bits, so it is a delight to think that even at this age there are still stirrings in the abdomen.

through his eyes, no matter how ordinary the writing insists Rebecca is, she is beautiful. her earnestness and willingness to go the extra mile. i love how he recognises that there is no shortage of great analysts in an advanced english class but still, somehow, this one draws his eye.

i love the little scene where he's marking papers and he gets to hers and has that pause "i wanted more out of your body-". oh the double entendre! i thought it was absolutely clever and clearly showcased his less than coherent state as he marked the papers. it is also to his credit that give his special attraction he still manages to be fair when he marks his paper. means he's a good teacher and if we're going to have a teacher student relationship then by god we're going to have a a decent teacher!

oh haha the comparison between him and that teacher who looks really pretty but cant get any teaching done made me giggle. i'm already really liking the dynamics that are being set up in this and can't wait to see what you do with them next!

until next time!

SB

As a reader I kind of feel myself torn between enjoying this as a work of fiction - a kind of fantasy drama/romance, feeling thrilled about the fact that you as the writer have finally decided to take the whole Rebecca - Dan relationship to a new level (the next 'natural' step after "Dan and Rebecca having dull, painful conversations standing three feet apart." and the kiss) and between feeling as a kind of reviewing 'critic' that it's all happening too fast and that the story is losing its realism at this point. Like the previous scene with the kiss seems well still slightly stretched, awkward but plausible whereas in this case to me Rebecca's actions seem totally unbelievable and far fetched. How could she just think of turining up at Dan's house like that? Didn't she have her worries, doubts, her conscience, her common sense telling her how it waas all wrong... And Dan, it seems so unlikely that he being the responsible adult and teacher he is, as well as caring for Rebecca as he does, that he would just give up and agree to this so easily.

And another thing I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and kind of shocked with the whole Phelan, Elise, and Brett thing because it seems like no one was happy in this 'love triangle' - I mean who loves who? Doea Phelan even love Brett or is he just attracted to him? It seems that Elise loves Brett but who does Brett love Elise or Phelan? It's just so confusing...

Personally, I think this chapter completely explains everything - why Phelan (unfairly but yet logically) holds a grudge against Rebecca - writing from his point of view really does help in understanding his sick, pereverted, cruel (yet hurt heartbroken) mind and it does make him seem slightly less scary and daunting as a character (since you understand him better), although I can't quite say I can fully sympathise with him... But at the same time I'm feeling slightly disappointed that Dan didn't say much to defend Rebecca whilst Phelan is all the while snaapping at her and briging up her worst fears...

W.T.F

Beautiful! I love it how Mr Walters comes to Rebecca's rescue! Such an adorably epic scene!

I love it! 3 Thank you very much for setting out to write this amazing, beautiful story! For far too long, I have been looking for a teacher-student story that I can relate to, one that seems realistic, where the characters are generally likeable people, where their relationship is not over-sexualised and where the teacher isn't "a hot, young 21-25 year old college graduate student with rock-hard abs with no more intellect than a brick wall" (as you quite rightly put it) that half the class is mad for, and then the story unfolds along the lines of: either the teacher is a downright jerk (with nothing but a pretty face and a lot of experience) and seduces the 'poor infatuated student' and trouble ensues or the student is some manipulative, sexual-pervert trying to seduce the teacher. This story doesn't follow either of these all-too-common -predictably repulsive scenarios. Having read only the first chapter I already think that your story seems to set the scene for a true, mature love story to develop between the 2 characters (and not some lust-infested frenzy short-lived love affair that always has bad consequences) and the conversations sound like genuine conversations between 2 real-life people rather than some convulted author's sexual fantasy. (Sorry for the rant) To sum up: I like your story a lot and I think that it is a real find for me. Finally something I can relate to. (Even reading your first chapter makes me re-live some of my school memories). Thank you so much for writing this -I really love it!

Opening:

I continue to enjoy Rebecca's perspective. I gloat that my 13 year old radio works better. I like her wry observation about Tom's earning capability. In fact I am rather partial to the dry humour that we see throughout the opening. Arielle is certainly a character who gets her own way!

Enjoyment:

Probably the aspect I enjoyed most this time was Rebecca's emotional pain and her build up towards breaking down at the end. This is something I feel there could be more of. It adds resonance to your Becky's story. As I've already stated, the wry kind of humour used throughout sustains my interest and I appreciate the little details you include here and there, like how Becky sees Mr Phelan's hair as both copper and silver.

Dialogue:

Your dialogue is solid throughout. I love how Arielle bamboozles Becky and the tight spot Becky is in when speaking to Mr Phelan when she can't really speak her mind. It's realistic how she can only give simple responses even though her mind is seething.

Ending:

The ending is an interesting sort and should make the reader want to read on. Intriguing to see how Rebecca deals with breaking down in front of someone. I take on board that she doesn't immediately seek to soak up succour. I like the way you work in little destails like her makeup running and her unintentionally blurting out her deep unhappiness that she has to conceal. I mean, it's obvious she did not intend to say it that way, but she expressed quite aptly how her happy face is just like a smiley mask.

Technique: I appreciate the little descriptive details as well, such as how Rebecca associates Phelan with semi-precious metal and how Jen has an ivory pale face. Your way of delivering plot is well meaured too. For instance, the reader will be intriuged at this point, wondering just what Phelan's game is.

Mmmm, juicy juicy roadkill. I love ‘white bones and pink innards that once so precariously held them together lay undone’ – it makes them sound almost pretty (pink and white being pure, innocent-ish sort of colours) and also shows how fragile life is – both literally and in the more metaphorical way that lives fall apart. She’s such a little starer, Rebecca – as you know (because I’ve blabbed about it about a million times) I really like this aspect of her. She sees the world different (and more profoundly) than the way I do, so her POV is really interesting.

Aww poor little twitterpated animals. So in lust, and then bam. I really liked that Dan considered is love, while Rebecca was like ‘it as animal lust’. It’s a little more cynical, I guess? Or like grown up. When your mum or whatever say rabbits are having piggybacks because they love each other. It sort of (I think) maybe shows how Dan acknowledges Rebecca’s age. She’s not that young, but she’s still (sort of) a kid.

‘A tragedy retold by the buzzing of flies, reshaped by the feasting of maggots’ – nom nom nom.

It was also cool to see Rebecca a bit more empowered, a la ‘she wouldn’t become roadkill’ and pulling strings at the Pastries place with her ‘cute act’.

‘She was a liar but now he knew her as a victim’ – I loved this part because it shows just how complex Rebecca is, and how nothing’s black and white. Part of her is that victim, but she can also be a bitch, a fighter, so many different things. Your characters always seem so *real* - it’s great.

It was also cute to see her acting teenager-ish with Hannah. Hannah seems fun, and I love the way she took Rebecca’s comment that it had been her English teacher giving her a lift. Also the fact that Rebecca thought Dan was handsome was cute. I’d love to see Dan’s reaction to that (would he be embarraseed? Flattered? Horrified, even?).

Jen was a lot of fun. I liked everyone’s reactions to her in the coffee shop – like that bear guy giving Dan a thumbs up. It gave this chapter I think a sort of chirpy, fun edge, which was nice and light after Rebecca’s (justified) melancholy in previous chapters. Also, good to get some of the sccop on Phelan’s political goings on, and I loved Rebecca’s idea of using blackmail to get back at him *cackles*.