|Reviews for Wordway: The Nevermind|
| Lord Slayer chapter 1 . 11/23/2010
Way too much pointless exposition at the beginning. The story doesn't even really start until Calarese wakes up.
Why are they being punished for showing up at a test early instead of late, and what are they being tested for? You don't really answer these questions.
You also have this weird thing going where sometimes you'll have a paragraph of several different lines of dialogue, only with each line of dialogue on a seperate line. Whenever someone speaks it must ALWAYS be in a different paragraph entirerly from when someone else speaks.
There are also a large number of typos. For example: Ash sycamore should be spelled with an uppercase "S"; The "two" in "Chapter two," needs to start with a capital "T," you keep spelling "biscuit" wit "ki," and you keep getting the "n" and "m" in "damn" mixed up. You also need to be careful about comma placement. Worst of all is when you have these random bits that make no sense with what's going on around them, as if you started to write something, decided to change it to something else, then just failed to get rid of your previous idea. ALWAYS proofread CAREFULLY before you post, please.
You're getting better at keeping your work from getting cluttered by an oveer abundance of background information, but the clutter is still there. Yes, you should create as much stuff for your world as possible, but your readers don't have to know everything that you know, as much as you may want them to. Then there is information that is relevant to the story, but which may not be needed right then and there. The rick is to remember to ask yourself "Do my readers need to know this right now?"
Finally, don't put multiple chapters in one posting.
Nevertheless, it's an interesting piece,and I'd love to read more, but you need to be more cohesive and more careful.