Love the story! Really like the world creation! Thanks for sharing :)

Djiscinicsika...
One word..
Awesome!
I'm really sad about , and I might be shipping Charlie/Rasma, but you never know..
Now, Im shamelessly stalking back to your profile and there better be a sequel, if not I'm losing my sanity (airport waiting is boring to hellz and back) ..
Not bored anymore,
Hanna.

Oh, wow, reading your notes, I couldnt help but notice the birthright comment ahha!
I went in that tour too! January 2011. My sister studied in Israel in a religious school (Yemin Orde). So I went through birthright since a representative got in our comunity :)
Best trip ever.. My favorite was bartering with the Israeli-arabs in the markets because they were trying to rio the poor tourists off (Imma certified jewish woman) and getting lost in Jerusalen when our guides made us run through it all the way to a museum because we're late.. Aahh nostalgic sigh..
Hanna.

Ha! I laughed a bit when he pulled his wand out of his sleeve!

So far this reminds me of the show Once Upon A Time, probably because the main character is a cop and was sent away from her world when she was young for her own protection. Of course it has your own spin, and is your own idea, but I can see a lot of similarities to the show. In any case, I am enjoying it so far. Can't wait to see what happens next!

So I've been reading your story over the past two or three days, and I must say it is bloody brilliant, I mean, the world you've created is such a beautiful world, and the characters are so rich, and the style is brilliant - when it was over I was sad, and then I went to see the sequel and saw you only have four chapters in I balked because I knew I would probably get hooked but you only have four chapters in and it'll drive me crazy - but I'll have you know I've been thinking about Zander and Charlie all day and just imagining what sort of adventures they'll go on... I can't even begin to tell you how much I love those two, and the way you went about with their relationship, it really is beautiful.

Also, I wanted to ask for permission, you see I run a blog on Tumblr called Fantasy Fiction Daily and I post about books and stories I find here and there - fictionpress included because I've seen a lot of brilliant stories to be read here, and I was wondering if you minded if I posted it in my blog with a review of course...

Anyways, thank you so much for this story, it was probably one of the best things to happen to me this week!

-R

So creative! All that astral army stuff is really an amazing concept...I hope I get to read more about it!

Lee Jordan is a character from Harry Potter LOL

But yeah, loving this so far!

LOVE! Sorry I don't have anything useful to say, but I'm seriously loving this. :)

Hi, Jillian-I've been reading Velociraptor Hands for a while and was excited when you posted about this story on there. I've been reading this over the past two weeks and, just ... wowwwww. I thought it was cute and fun at first, but maybe a little been-there-done-that.

But then as it went on, and I really got to know the characters, it just became this epic, hilarious, beautiful story. I'm off to read those three chapters of the second book now. I know you say you're really busy, but please don't abandon this story! It's too good for you not to finish. I, for one, will be eagerly awaiting each new chapter :)

Awesome! Just awesome. It took me a couple of weeks to finish reading this, but it was just amazing. It was the firt story I read on this site and I truly loved it. Moreover you are an inspiration to many, especialy me. Even I am tomboy-ish, maybe more than you are, and I like writing too but I lack experience and face problems in description and vocabulary like you. I suck at dialogue writing too, so I mainly read stories. Maybe you can help me write my own book someday :p. I'm quite young (7 years younger than you) and would love your guidance and help :), if you don't mind and you are not busy (which I can make out you usually are). But I really loved your imagination and all the efforts and hard work that you put in, considering that you had been writing this for 8 years and did not give up. I wish you all the success in life and hope that your books get published. Till then good luck and enjoy life :)

So, okay.

This is possibly one of the most ORIGINAL stories I have ever read. The whole concept of being a magical child from a long line of royalty, that was orphaned, isn't a worn out plot...but other people have attempted it, and failed.

You just absolutely beasted on this story. I loved everything about it from the characters and their development throughout the months, to New Kingdom, to the Astral Plane. Everything that you wrote was completely yours. You tossed a bit of action into it, romance, mystery...it was just an awesome read, overall.

The ending threw me off a bit because I really wasn't expecting all that Rasma (awesome name, by the by) and Charlie business. I figured that maybe Viola was the reincarnated queen, but not Charlie.

I really love how serious this story is. There was humor, certainly, but you brought the whole feel of everything to a more adult level. There were very realistic going on's that made the story more believable; made it feel like a fairy tale with a few darker themes. ...i hope I'm not being confusing.

Basically, the whole story was a beautifully written, original, fantasy story. There was a lot more that I wanted to comment about, but I read the whole over Columbus Day weekend, in between a football game and a competition for Guard...er, flags at the halftime show. Band?

Anyway, I'm tired which isn't letting me remember everything I wanted to originally say. Great story. I loved it and I think your job is way cool. Please put l post because I will read it, absolutely.

Evaluating a 35 chapter story based on Chapter 1 is like evaluating a series based on its pilot, but it is certainly well written so far and you jump right into the action, which is always a plus.

I only have one issue so far, which is the heroine's name - Charlie. Hasn't society advanced far enough that a woman is able to hold down a job outside the home without being somehow "manlike"? We've got Alexx on CSI, Sam on SG-1 ... sigh.

AMAZING story. i cant wait for the sequels. squeee! im just so wowed by the story right now. haha. can barely think of what to write. erm, okay, when i first started, i wasnt hooked on this cos although your writing is GOOD, it wasnt the style i was in the mood for. but i continued anyway cos i'd started, and like i said the writing's good. and WOW i LOVE the world you've created! i'll definitely keep an eye out for your sequels! maybe u can get published some day and i can buy a paper copy :) (ebooks are not my thing) keep writing! and i hope i dont have to wait 8 yrs for Unbidden Royalty to be as fantastic heh.

ooooh omg is eli ACTUALLY her dad?