Reviews for the forgotten room
Fish Stark chapter 1 . 11/22/2010
The first few lines (after the ...s of course) are definitely the best. All in all, fantastic poem, great imagery, I could even smell the smells you described. It doesn't need to be made better at all, but if you want a suggestion on how to do it, I might change the lines that begin with the same word 'and and and', 'your your your', to make it sound less repetitive and more creative. You're a great writer and your imagery is fantastic, so I miss it terribly whenever I see the same sort of line one after the other.