Reviews for Pieces
HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
The rhyming of the first two lines really set this poem up well, and even though it didn't continue throughout (where a couple of times I think it would have been better), there is a sense of raw emotion that I don't you'd get if you kept on rhyming.

I find this section: "if only it were true, if only/if only, if there's a will/there's a way, if only i could will myself/to find a way but" sounds a bit awkward to me. I suspect it's the four "if only"s. Repeating it again and again right after the last one makes it seem jumpy and slows down the flow.

One last little thing, with the final line. Throughout the rest of the poem, you've referred to "they", but then at the end, you refer to "him". Was this deliberate?

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