|Reviews for Kuekuatsu Vol 2: Daugther of the Sun|
| Sabby chapter 12 . 12/26/2012
So, are you going to update this volume 2 anymore ?
| Angel chapter 12 . 9/25/2011
Originally I was googling something else with a similar name to your book/story. However, I continued to read and what hooked.
The only thing I really have to grip about is that although your details in the characters and the story itself are very good you do tend to repeat these details often. Almost as if we would forget what these characters look like. Also, even though the fight scenes are very interesting they seem to drag out a bit at times. I also have to agree with another reader/review that towards the middle or end of a couple of chapters you can tell you were either rushing or became lazy to hurry and end the chapter.
Other than that I do enjoy reading. I look forward to reading the rest of the chapters/story you have in store for us.
| stackss chapter 12 . 8/18/2011
I really enjoyed reading this! can't wait to see what happens next! please write more! your characters have me hooked!
| The lone canine chapter 12 . 5/30/2011
Man I bet Kuekuatsu feels really bad about not really being able to explain everything to his family about just what is going on. Since it is really big, and Kuronous and all this stuff is happening to them. The only thing for sure, is that they have a long road ahead of them it seems. Awesome chapter!
| Cole Culain chapter 12 . 5/30/2011
Another great chapter. Nothing to gripe about. The only thing I wonder is the geography of the world. Since there's no real map or diagram, and the events have taken place in really specific areas, it hasn't bugged me too much, but after Larvitz mentioned Valhalla and Sevonia, I've started to wonder.
| The lone canine chapter 11 . 5/16/2011
I can kind of see how this could be less annoying to write than chapter 9-10 but at the same time I kind of don't. Well doesn't matter. All the same it was another exciting chapter with, this Lucia character in the plot now things are getting very, very interesting. Looking forward to more!
| Cole Culain chapter 11 . 5/16/2011
When I first started reading this chapter, I noticed several things. You went back to spamming commas for a while. It helps if you read what you're saying aloud, and every time it seems like the right place to stop and breathe for a second, put a comma.
Also, show don't tell, especially in that scene with Ellie. Instead of saying "BAM, this is her eye and hair color, and this is what she felt like, deal with it!", try to say something like, "She flicked her dark hair out of her eyes, and sighed with regret".
Also, I wonder at the difference between Lucia's magic and Scarlet's magic. It seems to have very different mediums. And again, this whole world seems to be split down the middle in terms of society. I know I've beat this point to death in the past few reviews, but it needs to be said.
Half the world seems to operate like something out of a classic fairy tale, with farming villages, and deep dark forests and stuff, and the rest seems like perfect sci fi. It's just... polarizing.
Anyways, good luck in your future writing exploits. I'll give these words of advice if you start on a side story. Focus on only one story each time you sit down to write. I had some trouble with this when I started writing Armageddon and Sin, because Scattered Sparks took a back seat. However, those were almost exercises, experiments. it's not right to make the actual story suffer for the sake of a side project. Just budget your time wisely.
| Cole Culain chapter 10 . 5/6/2011
Uh... werewolves are immortal? Since when? There's usually a whistle before the bomb drops, you know. Also, while I can remember, the last paragraph has you switiching between past and present tense a few times. And not to nitpick but it seems like you were in the state of mind: "Damn it, almost done, screw the details. This is what happened, shut up, deal with it."
Again I'm forced to wonder about the continuity of the story. Except for a few plot overlaps way back when, they might as well be happening on two different planets. Why couldn't the Wolf Pack just drive or fly or something to the Cave of the Elements? And why doesn't Scarlet actually go out to this desert to find Kurnunous or Ketsu? She has the mobility.
I also wonder about her cloak. What's the significance? Why is she so anxious to get it fixed?
| Cole Culain chapter 9 . 5/6/2011
So sorry I took so long to review this... I don't think I got the email alert, and school life's been really busy and... yeah. *sigh* I'm going to review now.
This chapter felt... chaotic. Like you slapped ideas together just one after another after another. I guess the chaos plays well into a concert atmosphere, but I'm not crazy about it.
Another thing I found myself wondering is what is the criteria for a talking animal. Lula and Iggy both talk, and seem to have some form of self awareness, but obviously not all animals are like that.
I also find the difference between the worlds of magic users and non magic users startling. It's occured to me before, but I found it really startling and poignant this chapter. Lycanthropes live in caves on the edges of society, and elves, draconians, and enochians seem to live in a self-imposed exile in the most remote regions. And yet other magic users live in a super-advanced society. It's obviously a little late now, but had I written this, I would have included some forms of prejudices. Like humans and wizards don't like x, y and z races because they're too primitive. Basically what I'm saying is, I find it strange and awkward that one of your protagonists goes out to a rural farming village, then in a brief span of time returns to her sci-fi esque society, while your other protagonist has spent the entire length of his narrative on the fringe of civilization, romping through the woods.
It's just... weird.
Also, I'm beginning to wonder when Ketsu and Scarlet are going to meet up again. They haven't been together since very early on in Book 1 (some little voice is saying chapters 3 or 5). It'd just be a nice bit of closure to have them come together again.
0_o Long review is long.
| The lone canine chapter 10 . 4/18/2011
My name is IGGY!
...I laughed at that. I really did. Ahh... the awesomeness of comic relief. It's always nice when stories get really tense. You know there always is a time when there is too much fighting or emotion. A little relaxation. The iguana helped with that. And the last two updates have been magnificent, with both action and comic relief. So kudos.
| Cole Culain chapter 8 . 3/28/2011
Nice chapter, I'm glad to see you back. The only thing I'd note is you used a lot of speech tags. You really only need one or two for each snippet of dialogue. It's useful when they change their tone of voice, but you don't have to constantly use "said, cried, exclaimed, et all," mainly because we already know who's talking, especially in a situation like this where there are only two dominant characters.
I'll admit I was a little bummed when I didn't get the Kuronous backstory. I kind of want to hear that full legend. Also I recall Tsukiyomi and the other spirit gods were able to directly touch Ketsu, but at the time he was in the spirit world, so I assume that makes sense. Still, will he need to end up finding a blue jewel like scarlets? I think that would be kind of cool.
Anyway, as a final note, I've noticed Scarlet's chapters are generally used to add depth and background to the story. She sees minimal action compared to Ketsu, so perhaps this is something you might want to remedy.
| The lone canine chapter 7 . 2/21/2011
No worries here since fight scenes like this are a trouble spot for many a writers. You did good though and I liked this chapter a lot. That said I hope you write more soon. Please?
| Cole Culain chapter 7 . 2/21/2011
Okay, so to start... I can't remember if you have been capitalizing the Cave of Elements, but if you haven't I think you should. It's lower case here, and since it's such an important place, it deserves a proper title.
Also, I noticed you would have conversations that looked like this:
"Here they come!" Axel growled at them, and then looked at his son. "Keukuatsu, are you ready?" He asked, after a visible whirlwind coiled around his spear.
Okay, so the second speech tag "he asked" is unnecessary. Because it's the same paragraph, we know Axel is still speaking. Also, while I'm on the subject, since when can Axel use wind magic? Is Keiko helping him out?
Overall, I liked the way this fight scene went. Personally, I've been mapping out a point where the gods will assist the Seven in my story, and this kind of helped me set the frame work.
Because the gods are so infinitely powerful, you sorta have infinite possibilities to do whatever you want with them. It's really fun, huh?
Now, for a little bit of consistency, I should mention that Susanoo is, in the Shinto tradition, the god of the wind. There's nothing wrong with having Kazekun as your wind god, but perhaps this could be mentioned, like Susanoo gave him the domain of the sky or some such thing. Also, the myth Susanoo is most famous for is the slaying of Orochi, the eight-headed snake who was so massive, there were mountains growing on his back. Perhaps Kuronous could create something like this, and Susanoo kills it? I don't know, it just seems like it would be a cool sequence.
Now, as for your question in the author's note. I think you should go back to Scarlet. See, Ketsu's had a few chapters, and now is a good time for a scene shift. Also, if you do this, you can skip ahead in time when you come back, avoiding the boring "they traveled, and they traveled, and they traveled some more" narration.
| The lone canine chapter 6 . 2/4/2011
All those tests he had to endure I'll bet Kuekuatsu is freaking TIRED! It was just one after the other. At least he's back with his parents again. At the start of this chapter I thought the death lord would appear again, and what do you know, I was right! Fav chapter thus far!
| Cole Culain chapter 6 . 2/4/2011
This... was... epic.
I think that this is one of your better chapters. however, there were some minor grammar issues (wrong there/their/they're, also used to/too the wrong way) and a few instances where the dialogue was choppy. Wait a few days, go back, and fix it.
I liked the way you portrayed the gods. When I wrote about Kalix, Tellona, et all, I tried to make them sorta-human, but obiovusly different. I think you operated on a similar philosophy.
Now... to talk about plot. I was a little bummed when Ketsu wasn't going to be controlling water. I'm a huge fan of dichotomy and the yin/yang theory, which basically means that I like the two main characters to have conflicting powers (Nick/Anna Fire/Water and Nick/Kim Creation/Destruction) but hey, lightning is cool too. The whole evolution thing was a little awkward, but I suppose some editing can fix that. And maybe it's just my ego, but Kazekun seemed a lot like Zephyr. Just like Lucia was Lucian's dream girl...