well, when i read this, i didn't know how things stood, relation ship wise. so when they get into the same bed, and he runs a finger down her leg, i get the wrong idea. if she thinks he's dating someone else, than how would she rationalize him doing this. also, your coming onto his feelings for her to strong. it's like, hers the story-Wham! their starting to like each other! to reach this type of things full potential, you need a lead in, showing what their relationship was like before the feelings develepoed. also, the conflicts seem a little stereotypical, "I miss my mom, can't believe she's gone". you can have that, but make it your own. specialize it. "I feel likle i've lost myself, she was such a part of my identity. somethings missiing..." Okay, I know i'm beign kinda harsh, but i think this story has something, thats why i take the time to give advice for it. Now, it has high points. the description of the foster family and the guys is fresh. luke is a cool character. good luck.

Pretty interesting.

I would love for you to continue. It got my attention (:

Hey. Your story is great and i liked it. :) I noticed that are few grammars error, girl. Its better if you check it twice to make sure everything spelling right. :) Please check the grammars errors when you have a time and don't rush with your story, girl. *hugs* I think you should put the point of view so the readers can understand who was the first person, girl. :) There are few spelling errors in the story e.g. Jennifer, din't (didn't) and gas (gasp). Just take it slowly and double check with your story, girl. :) The rest of your story is very great. :D I hope that Angel is okay. I am sorry to hear that Angel has lost her mum. It must be hard and tough time for her. :( I am wonder why Jen is call for Luke? :S What happen to Angel's father? :S I understand how Jen felt but she need to learn to respect for Luke's space and privacy. So hurry update soon. Keep writing. :D I am so interesting in this story and wants know what happens next. :D PS Don't forget to double check with your story, girl. :)

I don't have much time to add another FP story to my favorites or alert list right now, and aside from that "realistic" fiction isn't normally my kind of thing (I read supernatural/horror romance), but because you asked so nicely, I thought I'd drop you a review one of your stories just to give you a little advice to help you attract and keep future readers. :)

First of all, you ought to capitalize the names in your summary and fix the spelling of "lies". Secondly, you've got a nice start, a lot of potential, but I would suggest a beta reader or thorough proofreading before you post more. There are a lot of errors with grammar, spelling, sentence structure, et cetera (for example, the word "I" and the beginning of a sentence should be capitalized at all times, and you need to separate run-on sentences and add commas for nouns of direct address). Also, I notice some shifting between past and present tense. Once you fix all that, I think you'll have a really good story going here. Good luck, my dear. :)

Ms. Poe

Ok, you asked me to review your stories, so I'm reviewing what I think is the better of the two.

This an interesting first chapter, though a little hard to read because of some poor grammar and sentance structure. You introduce a lot of the story and characters quite quickly - it might be better to do this more slowly.

Also, is there any particular reason you asked me to review, or is it just a random advertising campaign? XD

Keep posting!

The plot seems interesting... but you chopped it off leaving us readers with a cliffhanger. :O

My main concern is technical; there are a few spelling, capitalization, and punctuation errors. For example, "I sigh/t/, putting my hand over (over what?) to cover my face. "Bad memories never fully go away/. I guess./(this shouldn't be a new sentence) I still remember your mom's face when /?/ told me."

These small errors add up and can ruin the flow of a narrative, but a quick proofread should clear this up! :)

This is pretty good so far! :)

There's a few capitalization errors, but that's it.

Please update soon! :)

"I let out one of those laughs that don't fit with conversation at all. "

A really well written sentence. Effective in the transition of the story. A little fast paced, but if that's what you're going for, then its done well. Watch the typos (I totally understand because I do this all the time, as well). Besides that, can't wait to see the characters develop and where this story goes.

I love it! Ahh, but then again, I editted it. XD Good job.