|Reviews for This world|
| K. Molle chapter 1 . 12/8/2010
I have come to return the review you so kindly left for me. I know the grand feeling a writer gets inside when a few kind or even constructive words are spoken to them. So on this grand morning I am going to be reading my way through 'This world'. I will be pasting your work into this review and adjusting things here and there. I want to spread some love and help you perfect what is already perfected!
This world is…?
What is this world?
Do you know?
I used to now. (I used to know,)
But then it changed.
The sky grew dark, (Darken clouds cast themselves over the sky,)
The oceans black, (Oceans blackened,)
The air thickened, (Blankets of smog shrouded the air,)
(I took apart these two sentences and made a more intense picture. Please don't feel like you have to use any of these, I just like making suggestions.)
And the fog reined in. (-)
The only sounds you hear… (Sounds of people crying filled the streets.)
Are those of people crying. (-)
I used to know what this world was. (,)
But then you changed,
And changed this world with you.
Do you know what this world is?
I'm sorry I may have overstepped my editing boundries with this one. And if you feel that way I will apologize in advance. It's just that you had such an amazing point here, I thought a couple well thought out images would aid in what you were trying to say. If I stepped over the boundry with this one, please let me know!
| lymli chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
that's true, since world is life too, it's keep changing.