Reviews for Aurora Sue
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 4/9/2013
Poor Mary Sues. I pity them because everybody hates them.
Starlight606 chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
I like what you did here :) very unique
HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 12/21/2010
This is the required review for the FanBBS competition. Thank you for participating in December's contest and happy Christmas! :)

I like the opening you have here. Usually, I say don't go with description as it's going to have a pretty slow paced start if you do. But with the overall feel of the story, I think the slow paced start works well and actually pulled me in, making me want to read more and find out who this person was.

I don't really feel as if a lot takes place though. I think the discussion between the two characters should be more in-depth, as I don't really get to know either of them. I think you're counting on the reader automatically siding with the character who's not the Mary-Sue, and therefore you don't really introduce them in any great depth. Reading this from an unbiased stand point, both characters were just as bad as each other.

I also feel the ending was slightly rushed, as there doesn't seem to be anything behind the sudden change of the Mary-Sue's way of thinking. She believes herself to be perfect, and I think that her having doubts after the conversation in the story isn't believable in itself.

While these things could be because the piece is satire, it doesn't read like it. You make it sound like both characters are completely serious about what they're saying, which prompts the problems above.

I found several mistakes and things that I believe could flow better if worded differently.

"waiting.." - Ellipses are three dots, not two.

"Mary Sue." A voice nearby growled" - The full stop at the end of the dialogue should be a comma and the "A" following it should be lowercase.

"he emotionless" - Should be 'her'.

"So what if I am." - The full stop should be a question mark.

"her body remaining motionless, not to mention still emotionless." - With the double use of 'less', this part didn't flow particularlly well. I think it's been established that she's emotionless, so you can just cut out everything after the comma.

"anyone'sfree" - There should be a space between these two words.

"someones imagination" - There should be an apostrophe in "someones".

"in me!" The female" - "The" should be 'the'.

"can not" - Should be one word.

"world as perfect" - I think this would flow better if "perfect" was 'perfection'.
Catorrina chapter 1 . 12/6/2010
I really like this piece, it's an interesting way to explain the point of a Mary Sue... but... why is Spanish the listed language?
SomeRandomScribbles chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
This is funny, but also puts forward an important message :) I really loved the line: "There was a slight chill in the air, but her inner warmth chased the feeling away" - the ultimate Mary Sue ability :) Love it - favourited!