|Reviews for The Mask Falls to the Ground|
| bewareoftheturtles chapter 1 . 6/11/2011
Oh so sad. You really draw me in to your stories
| Kristin Li chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
This is a short peice. Very short.
There were a few things I found very impressive in this. I loved your use of dramatic irony. It seemed realistic that a child would misinterperat "lost" as well being "lost".
There are a few parts that could be drawn out. For example, [Out of the corner of my eye I see mummy crumple in a heap on the chair, and the doctor calling out to me, but I carry on – the sooner I find James, the sooner mummy will be happy again.
I hurry through corridors calling out James' name. ] Does the doctor not at least try to go after the kid? A little kid is actually very easy to out run. The transition is a little bit jarring for one scene to the next.
[I sit and swing my legs. People are coughing and crying around me, and the general feeling in the room is a mix of gloom and desperate hope. No-one knows where to look or what to say. I feel cut off from everyone else, even though we're all here for the same reason –to wait.] A little bit more atmosphere building would be nice. One or two specific details (people coughing is rather general) would really add to the atmosphere of gloom and doom.
I like how the last sentence ties in with the opening paragraph and gives the story more meaning.
| SCopySCat91 chapter 1 . 1/26/2011
I like this because it is yet another one of those storys that portray a loss of innocence. This one also adds it to the loss of her brother and makes it more of a tragedy. I also like your writing style. You seem to know how to portay you charachters well through not only actions , but words as well.
| Eona chapter 1 . 1/26/2011
This was meant to be for the Review Game, but then I realised you were the one who just reviewed my story, so now it's just a review :P
I thought you brought over the feeling of the little boy really well. Especially the contrast between the beginning, waiting and no-one to wait for, worked really well.
There is however a small thing I would change, 'The doctor comes through the door and every head turns'. You haven't introduced a doctor to your readers before, so I would choose 'a doctor' in this case. In the next paragraph, you use 'the doctor' twice, which doesn't read very nicely. Since it's clear who you're talking about here, especially in the second sentence, I would change it into 'His face'.
All in all, a good one-shot; closed very nicely, but still leaving the sad feeling behind.
| Jamie Cooper chapter 1 . 12/5/2010
wow, this story is really good. The atmosphere and mood you created was really realistic... i'm sounding like an english teacher!
anyway... this sent shivers up my spine. especially the last line. Please keep writing!
| Crazy Little Writer Chick chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
I truly hope this isn't a one-shot because I'm definitely intrigued.
| icanhasusername chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
Man. All I can picture is a little kid looking for their little brother in an Emergency Room. Except everyone looks the same in the emergency room, they're all sick and/or confused with pained expressions on their faces.
However, when the lady in blue is trying to explain where James has gone, you're missing a quotation mark at the end of the sentence, even though the purpose of the sentence was pretty clear, the speaker kept getting cut off.
I don't know, just what I felt/thought when I read it. Keep up the good work!