|Reviews for Silver Knight|
| Lord Slayer chapter 4 . 2/11/2011
Another interesting chapter. I love a good mystery.
Here's my critique:
"Shin and Shuji were evasive; none of them wanted to answer the question."
- How were they being evasive? You need to go into more detail about stuff like this.
"'I can only help that ghost of a girl if I know what's keeping her here.'"
- Either ghost or girl. When you have things that are two things at once (i.e. a ghost and a girl) then you don't need to keep referring to them by both things all the time.
- Same thing, either brother or cat. And don't ever use something-slash-something. I would also recommend against your two instances of "brother (and cat)," that you used before this.
There are several times where you confused "in" and "on", mostly using "on" when you meant "in."
Continued tense confusion, though not as bad as the last ones.
Overuse of italics. I realize that most of the time you're using italics to emphasize words, but you're kind of overdoing it. Save it for when you put major emphasis. Most readers will pick up from the context what's meant to be emphasized, so just use it when you want a lot of emphasis. And please stop using italics for new terms, please.
When Akemi's explaining about Karin and afterwards, even though she already knows that she's still hanging around, it would make more sense to have Akemi refer to her in the past tense since she's dead.
I also would recommend that in the next chapter you explain why Karin's ghost was hanging around Akemi's high school if the reason for her death didn't have to do with not being able to get into the school she wanted.
All that aside, I thought it was a good chapter, and I did notice some improvement in your writing style. Definetly a noticeable decrease in tense confusion. Good job.
| Lord Slayer chapter 3 . 2/4/2011
Well, your profile says that you're from the Phillipines, so its hard to tell for me how good of an English speaker you are, but whether its your native language or not it's imperative that you learn to get your tenses down right. This is a third person narrative, thus everything but dialogue should always be in past tense. You have a bad tendency to sporadically swap between past and present.
I also fear Mary Sues, as we have two super beautiful main characters, one of whom is super rich AND her daddy owns the school AND is the student council president AND most of the students seem afraid of her and stop whatever they're doing whenever she goes down the hall for no apparent reason, while the other is (I presume from the scholarship) super smart and has magic powers. It's not too late to save your characters from becoming Sues, but you'll have to work hard and really check yourself.
It's an interesting start, though the smell of Bleach is rather strong in the air. Nevertheless, this could be something pretty good someday.
| Sanareth chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
Seems reasonable enough.
The story is somewhat engaging, but a trifle hard to understand in places.
I expect that I'll be able to form a more definite opinion when there's more to examine but for now it's pretty insubstantial.
Rich attractive girl. Extremely attractive, supernaturally quick/strong and intelligent guy who collects the souls of those who haven't passed on properly.
I mean, it's good work and well put together for the most part, with the occasional attempt at somewhat subtle humor...
Perhaps I'm just missing something.
Ah well, Keep it up. You'll only improve with time and volume.