|Reviews for Thoughts of Confusion, Eyes of Blood|
| Ebrethiel chapter 1 . 8/16/2011
Wonderfully unique. Neo-style edge-of-your-seat poetry with a lot of emotion. It was a good read from start to finish. Well done.
| K. Molle chapter 1 . 12/9/2010
And here I am getting ready to look over the piece. I think I may change up my style and make comments as I read along, because this piece is a bit longer. Well off I go!
Alright so first question for you...is the bold supposed to be the title or is it part of the poem. I hope it is, the different texture gives a strong lead.
Blood, blood, so much blood - at first I imagine some sort of cult chant, but then the next line makes me see a insane person.
He doesn't, he can't, he's lost.
Why?... - you had a bit of a mistake there and I think you should break that line up.
Where am I? - just was a capital 'I' there
Please help...help me please; - again try this instead
This blood... it's all over me.
The boy is crying, - I eliminated two lines here, they aren't needed.
Why can't I move or speak? - I would also cut out this line, it's just restating what you said before.
He's alone... - you have I don't no where... his parents are, I would take that out, the single thought emphasizes lonliness.
That knife will scare the boy, he's crying already, - small error there you keep using his
Well this is certainly different from your other poems, you put some more hidden emotions into this one. If I had to pick I would go with your other style, but if you find this style and genre more comfortable to write, you should keep doing it.
Thanks for the read,
| mary smith chapter 1 . 12/8/2010
A brilliant poem!You have written about a very difficult topic-great word choice and powerful images!
| Dreamer0488 chapter 1 . 12/8/2010
You can really feel the urgency in this piece, makes you say what is happening? very powerful piece. I couldn't stop reading it and at the end it made me go "wow what happened?" x