Reviews for We are too much like old men
Windbound chapter 1 . 6/1/2011
I think this is my favorite poem out of any I have ever read. I have been swimming through your poems, and I must say, they are all amazing and unique. However, this one stood out to me. I'm not a poet myself, and I really don't know much about poetry; so, please excuse me if I can not give any advice. I can, however, tell you what I liked about this particular poem, so I hope that helps you in the future.

I think the first thing I noticed about this poem, was the word count. I knew it must be detailed, and I was excited immediately to read it. The amount of description you use in this poem is one of my favorite things about it. The imagery is spot on; and as I read it, I could see the story within the poem unfold before my eyes.

This wonderful poem also flowed from line to line. It was the flow that kept me reading through out it; which is a very astounding feat, because I am quite easily distracted.

Most of the time, as I read a poem, I can pick out my favorite line; however, I do not have one for this poem. All of the lines are equally balanced. Each line is well written, descriptive, and shows that you put effort and feeling into it. Though, if i was to choose my favorite portion of the poem, I would choose this part: "I realized this after yesterday,

when disappointment—born of lovers' runaway dreams

that did not come true—blew through me like an icy December wind." I think it's the simile at the end that causes this portion of the poem to stand out to me. It gives me the chills when I read it, because I actually imagine an "icy December wind".

Overall, this poem left me with an odd aftertaste of sadness, and a longing to read more. It starts off feeling almost happy and warm, then it changes after the line "I wish to never see you again". It begins to give off a sad, empty feeling, and how you accomplished writing a poem with so much emotion, I will never know nor understand. I have read many bland, emotionless poems; and I can tell you proudly that this is not one of those.

So, I'll definitely be reading more of your poetry. I hope you are able to find something with in this ramble that may help you in your future poems. Good luck with your writings!
PrincessVeryTea chapter 1 . 5/24/2011
As others have said, this is an interesting theme which I liked, or rather I liked the idea of it and the glimpses we got occaisionally through the descriptions, I especially liked the dust on the tarnished mirror.

However I didn't really like the disjointed feeling I got while reading this, the different lengths made me feel that this was just a collection of random thoughts rather than a cohesive memory of an event and it broke it up too much for me to enjoy the whole thing properly.

But overall, it's quite good.
Connor Mack chapter 1 . 5/23/2011
This was a terrific poem good sir. You really have a talent for putting words together in a manner that comes out seamlessly and elegantly. The poem itself was a quick read, at least to me, as if the narrator himself was too hurt to read it any slower and thus recollect on his memories.

This is a very bittersweet poem, from the narrator's point of view, the two still love one another, as she wanted his children, and yet, it didn't happen. But as they age, and are no longer able to run about as they could, I fear that these two once-lovers will fade away.

Once again, very well-written!
RainSprite chapter 1 . 5/23/2011
I liked this. I also like the imagery that's invoked when reading this. Personally, when reading this, I get the feel of two people who were once very close, but over time have drifted apart - I especially felt that way with the last stanza. Good job with writing this :D
berley chapter 1 . 3/22/2011
None of the reviews you have gotten give this piece any justice, if they liked it or not, so even though I epically fail at reviewing poetry, I’m going to try!

All right, I really liked the general imagery of winter that you had throughout this piece. It really added to your metaphor of dreary old men, the failure of an old love and trying to remember what that love was like. It all tied in so nicely together, and the line ‘I was glad for the chance/to dispel the cold of a long, gray winter,/though it was the fireplace, not you,/that radiated warmth and life.’ is probably one of my favourites in the poem because of how it contrasted from the two people that the poem is talking about, and it emphasized the message and theme of the poem that much more for me. Actually, now that I think about it, I really liked that entire stanza. Coincidence and irony is what brought them together to talk about what could have and didn’t happen, that’s it. Very nice.

I also really liked the tone and diction you decided to use in this piece. You didn’t feel the need to hide behind big words or anything like that, and the simplicity of that really made the poem flow nicely for me. I kind of got that sense of wonder or longing that the narrator was feeling as I read the piece, and it even got me thinking about stuff that’s going on in my personal life right now. I think I’ve said this before, but I really like your work when it’s a bit more simplistic in that sense…if that makes sense. Haha!

This poem is very sad, which is why I think I like it so much. It has such a powerful message about two people who had their entire lives planned out that included each other, and for whatever reason, fear most likely, it just didn’t happen. That they will stay in touch, but only through something so impersonal as a Christmas card, because they are too scared and fear that it’s too late for them.

Nice job, I really like this piece.
Annabel H. Wilde chapter 1 . 3/1/2011
I like the theme of the poem and how 'we are too much like old men' is repeated several times to reinforce the concept. I also absolutely adore the last line; it fits the rest of the poem very well, and sums up the tale of two old lovers, too old and too tired to bring up old differences but also too tired to settle them.
andsherose chapter 1 . 2/27/2011
Your use of concrete images make this poem. I find your command of it seriously (almost intimidatingly) impressive. I think I will be studying your work for the next few months in hopes of getting pointers about this particular aspect of writing.

That being said, though the subject is powerful in itself, the poem simply does not channel that umpfh. I, at least, did not feel it despite my search for it.

Of the entire poem, the lines I found strongest are the first two lines and the last three lines. Sadly, even they did not 'hit the right spot', so to speak.

I absolutely adored the concept behind the poem, however. And the structure is exquisite. Your comparisons (similes and metaphors) were beautifully executed. I hope to read more of your work. :)
wammyboys chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
Okay, starting off I'm going to say I found this piece really intriguing though not one of your bests. A few too many cliche's were thrown in here. Not in extreme, but a fair amount.

Tone: I suddenly felt sleepy after reading this. The tone was definitely something I'd describe as weary. The narrator didn't feel like an old man to me, just a very lazy person.

Voice: I sensed a strong sense of pride in this piece. There are different sorts of prides and this is one of those I don't enjoy in people. In fiction though, they're perfect. Basically I felt was the voice of someone wanting to be an alpha male scolding himself and the others to become more manly.

Imagery: There was quite a bit of fairly vivid imagery throughout the beginning. However as the story progressed it distanced away. I'm not quite sure but I think it was because the story was drifting closer to the narrator's consciousness and what he was supposed to be saying as opposed to the environment.

Subject: The subject was really something I liked and could honestly relate to. I'm sure anyone could relate because, I mean, who doesn't feel completely worn out sometimes. Relativity is one of the most important aspects of poetry. Poetry is something that's supposed to bring together people that are completely different than you. Sometimes it's surprising how much you can have in common with the most unlikely personalities.

This piece didn't strike me as especially unique but it was something I truly enjoyed reading through.

-Wammy-sensei chapter 1 . 12/17/2010
Wow I love this poem. The last line is just amazing.

You are an amazing poet!

Keep Writing!
ghost wishes chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
This poem seemed incredibly sad. The feelings, the wistfulness of it all - captured in beautiful words and in an almost lyrical way. I sincerely love the lines:

How fitting

that tiny pieces of paper

bridge our thousand miles—

I feel as though I understand this. And that is something I haven't felt for poetry in a long time. Thank you, stranger.