Reviews for Vera's stay in Purgatory
Persevera chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
It's very interesting that such a young woman as yourself write about the human condition of such different people.
"the fatal expression when the lavender rinse lady glanced at her when no one else was awake, that terrible, unspoken knowledge flowing between the two dying women"-this is a powerful statement. They didn't know each other in life but now have something in common that no one else can understand. And I like it that you refer to her as the lavender rinse lady.
Of course I had to read this since my name is Vera and it's a little scary, thinking of being the last one to live so that you can see others' loved ones come in to see them but there's no one left to visit you.
Watch your typos. Your writing is too good to be distracted by "than" instead of "that" or "everone"
professional griefer chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
I love the first sentence, it's extremely poetic and gave it a bit of a floaty feel.
But the floaty feel was crushed very quickly. The description is very nice, but you have these huge chunks of text that I think could be broken up a bit better.
I do like how you talk about how her life in the hospital has been, how she can figure things out.
I also liked how you describe her as shooting up like a firework, that was interesting imagery. In fact, that entire sentence was very good, it gave a really clear image.
I thought the 'it was over' at the end was a bit unnecessary, I could tell from the marvelous sentence before that it was over, and I thought the last three words just killed the mood.
So it was nice, I just think you need to break the paragraphs up a bit more.
Velvet Vixen chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
Another really lovely piece although, when I read the summary, I thought the woman would already be dead but, actually, this fit much better. The purgatory being her waiting for death was well done and well expressed and her actual death was also handled very well. The only thing you might want to look at it that you sometimes make minor mistakes which other reviewers mentioned and things like 'she had came to a few...' should be 'come' instead. Apart from that though, it was very well written and I felt happy that she had moved on and wasn't in pain any longer at the end. Very nice. :)
YasuRan chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
This is definitely an interesting start. You've fed us all these little tidbits of information on Vera in the first chapter - she seems to be a keen observer, close to her family, 'Her Lucy? Her Albert?', etc. It sets up loads of potential in how you can take off from here: what's about to happen to her in Purgatory, will we learn something more about her? So, judging from this chapter alone, this story shows lots of promise.

Criticism: formatting. The paragraphs could use some breaking up, as they appear a bit clunky at first glance and could prove off-putting to potential readers. Also, I spotted a couple of typos which could come off as distracting to a discerning reader. e.g. 'rythmicly'. Be sure to proofread before publishing next time and your work would look a lot more polished :)
Silver Sparke chapter 1 . 11/27/2011
This was pretty good. Your descriptions are well written, and I could almost put myself in the lady's place, but all I wonder is how you would continue this... It seems more like a one-shot.

There are a couple of typos: rythmicly (should be rhythmically), granchildren (should be grandchildren), princess' (should be princesses), and something's wrong with this sentence: For a moment, she felt completely calm despite knowing what was happen..

Overall, good job. Keep it up!

Silver Sparke
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 9/9/2011
I really like the content you address in this chapter, and how you approach death as not a seemingly bad thing, but a liberation from pain. We watch as Vera suffers in her bed, listening to the people around her, watching all the doctors and the nurses, absorbing the way they interact with her. Then we see some fear, but then relief as she floats up very slowly (beautiful imagery, by the way) and eventually flies upward into the sky, leaving her body behind. It's a nice, slow change from bad to good, dark to light, going from one extreme (fear) to the next (relief). I think it's a nice message to portray (if it is indeed the message you were trying to portray), because I personally don't think a person should fear death. Although, as much as I might preach that statement, I'm always one to be afraid as well.

But anyway, enough rambling.

I enjoyed the eerie picture you created as well of this hospital room. Considering Vera doesn't pay attention to any of her own relatives, I'm assuming she's there alone (aside from the nurses, patients and doctors) and this makes me sad.

The only suggestions I can give would be that I noticed an excessive use of adjectives throughout the narrative, so I think it would help the flow of the general piece if you cut down on them a bit. Also, the paragraphs themselves are a little large, and reading them on a computer screen can be quite difficult/daunting, so you might want to cut them down a bit.

But, both of these are minor details that can be easily fixed - I really did love the overall content and message of this story.
LadyEmberBelli chapter 1 . 8/30/2011
Very intriguing...I like it :) It gave me a sense of sadness, but gladness that the womans pains are gone. Wonderful job!
Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
It is written well and I like it. I feel sorry for the old woman for not being able to see her family again, though.
mysterylucy chapter 1 . 4/4/2011
I really like this story- it's so bittersweet. Great work!