Reviews for Smile
SomeRandomScribbles chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
This is a really lovely story :) The writing, however, needs some work. You give us quite a few uneccesary details - we don't need to know exactly where each person was sitting, for example. You tell us what is happening, but you don't really describe it - telling us the people were in bad moods isn't as good as showing us, for example, describing the day as bleak or grey (just an idea XD).

Your grammar is generally good, but some more complex sentances would improve this piece as it's quite hard to just read a lot of simple sentances. Also one thing that could be fixed - you say "my two sisters" twice, but the second time we don't really need the two.

I like how you describe the activities each family member is doing, as it shows how each person is seperate. Your final sentence is also great - very cheerful and uplifitng :)