|Reviews for The Week That Turned My World Upside Down|
| CeruleanStars chapter 1 . 10/26/2013
To make your story better, you might want to consider having more accurate details...
1. Kung Fu is Chinese, not Japanese. The Japanese have their own martial arts. There are even several types of Japanese martial arts like Kendo and Aikido, and they all have different techniques. If you google Japanese martial arts, you will be able to find more info.
2. In Japanese culture, respect to elders and social hierarchy is extremely important. So if Kiera is a student of a Japanese sensei, there is no way that she will use "Baka" to refer to her own sensei, no matter how close they are. And even if she did, "Baka" is informal; there is a more formal form of the word, you can go search it up (informal speech is only used with very close friends, and NOT used even with close older family members like parents - this gives you an idea of how important formality is to Japanese).
That being said, I mean no disrespect; just trying to provide some constructive feedback.
Good luck with writing. :)
| non.graceful chapter 1 . 11/19/2011
Try to make sure that there is more than one sentence in a paragraph and that your sentences aren't jam packed with information. Use pauses. Like this. It can make the reader want to read on. Know more. Cause fright and tension. Varying your sentences from short, medium to long will engage your readers and they'll think you're marvelous!
' It was only when the intruder clapped his hands that she was able to sense his presence.' (Extracted from the sixth paragraph.) I don't think that this sentence ... makes literal sense. Feeling somebody's eyes on you from afar is sensing their presense. Stalking and seeing evil lurking along the walls is sensing. I think for this line you could just basically write 'it wasn't until that sound, that she realised that she was being watched and that that person was right behind her.' (or something like that.)
'She had hated every fiber of Brent Lee's being and had wanted to smash him to pieces since, ' (extracted from paragraph nine).
Try: Every fibre of her essence hated Brent Lee and couldn't stand being among his presence without wanting- and definetly needing- to smash him into pieces.
'Hey, Kei – chan, I'm at Japan right now and I have some business to do,"'(extracted from paragraph14)
try: Hey Kei- chan, I'm in Japan right now and I'll be for a while as I have some business to do."
Instead of having the translation right beside a word writen in Japanese and then the rest of the dialogue, maybe you should just add a glossary at the bottom? To me, I would be able to understand this as I studied Japanese in grade nine, but some people want to know what it means... but without being distracted by the translation beside it... To me, if you're going to have the word (and then the rest in brackets) there's no point of doing it... If it's a big thing in a different language, write the phrase and then after the speech marks, write it in italics.
| Miss Mysteries chapter 7 . 8/21/2011
Cute story, a bit choppy in some parts though. At the end there, there are some things that i think you might want to fix up. It says "She looked back at him and noticed him standing directly in front of her" which implies that he was close to here but then a couple of ines afterwards "he walked slowly towards her and pulled her to a hug" which contrasts with the above line. Also after that, "she raised both of her arms to deliver a blow to his gut" which of course would naturally flow on from the last quote i mentioned but then again "She sauntered over to where he was, cracking her knuckles, in time with her pace" which would mean that one of them would of had to have moved away but there's no mention of that so its a little contradicting in some circumstances.
There was some grammar and spelling mistakes but not very many.
| mixed signals chapter 7 . 6/4/2011
EEEEEEEEEE I LOVED IT! :D THEY ARE SO KAWAIII TOGETHER :D And I actually understand the Jap references, 'cuz I watch anime.
Love it love it! Daisuki :D
| ScarlettShadow chapter 7 . 12/31/2010
aw that was the cutest story I've ever read! hehe _