|Reviews for Crimson White|
| DutchAver chapter 16 . 1/10/2012
NOOOO Yuukai is dead? '( That's a shame, and I feel sorry for Shinku. Though Shinku won't really open up with his emotions, I'm sure that he's mourning.
A beautifully climactic epilogue, though I'm a bit bothered by Yuukai being bothered that it's not a perfect world - to be honest, he wasn't really doing much to improve that world, being the leader of an assassin's company.
Your epilogue was heartbreakingly beautiful, and I loved reading your story. I don't remember much of Wish Star anymore, but I do remember that I grew to dislike the writing over time.
But since then, you've improved massively and this story was way better. The story with Black Jack has, so far, been great too, and it's always great to see people improve like that.
I can't wait until I can read more of you :) Keep writing!
| DutchAver chapter 15 . 1/10/2012
Yuukai is an awesome uncle, but I have just one qualm - he says 'don't let it bother you' when Shinku asks why people think he's different. Thing is, it's kind of hard to not be bothered when you're beaten up -.-
Other than that, it's a great climactic chapter that exactly shows the good bond between Yuukai and his nephew. They're all they have, and they just can't afford to lose one another. Yuukai has become a bit colder over time, but he's still the same person and Shinku doesn't want to lose him.
Are Shinku and Hato now together? I don't know, but I guess I'll find out soon...
| DutchAver chapter 14 . 1/10/2012
Kai and Shinku aren't so different from each other as they would like to believe, as Shinku points out: Kai just simply worked for the wrong side, for Albireo. I can safely assume that he died?
A good chapter full of answers for us, about Shinku and the Sekijou, how it has saved his life - twice. Hato had the Kinjou from her birth on, right? So how did they put the Kinjou in her, was she born with it?
You end with a cliffhanger - Yuukai ending up on intensive care for the second time. I wonder what made his situation so critical, maybe Albireo's boss poisoned him? I do wonder why Chiba tells Shinku that his uncle is in intensive care, if he's not even allowed to see him. But, of course, you do need it for the cliffhanger.
We're nearing the end, and this has been a great story :) I might just come back later today to review the final chapters. See you then!
| DutchAver chapter 13 . 1/9/2012
Okay. You got me. I NEVER expected Kai to be a mole for Albireo - I'm shocked to find out he's even such a devil, being the ace of Albireo. And, of course, he's Yuukai's killer, so now I hate him even more.
Albireo's really a typical villain-company, right? It's scary, the way they operate, and the way they hate Polaris. They'd to anything to stop Polaris, it seems.
I'm glad Shinku managed to escape and hit Kai before falling victim again. He and Hato are in quite a pitch - I wonder what will happen, and how they're going to escape.
This chapter was even better than your last :) Go you!
| DutchAver chapter 12 . 1/8/2012
Normally, I'm not such a fan of a change in POV, but I can understand it here. You simply can't explain these things while staying in the same POV.
Albireo's done pretty well, that they manage to capture Shinku. Something those earlier foolish assassins couldn't manage.
The Sekijou is the Kinjou's polar opposite? Or is it actually the same? This might explain why Shinku couldn't shoot Hato when they first met, and it might just explain why Shinku froze up when he chased Hato's captor.
The leader of Albireo has all the qualities of a villain. I wonder how her plan will unfold, and what she has prepared for Yuukai.
This chapter was way better than your last :)
| DutchAver chapter 11 . 1/7/2012
Is Yuukai aware that Hato has the Kinjou in her? It seems he is, but how can he know that and why is he okay with it?
And why can't Shinku shoot that Albireo-guy? Why did he freeze as soon as he raised his weapon? I had expected better from someone who calls himself the best of Polaris.
The ending with Yuukai felt a bit rushed itself too, with Yuukai insisting that Shinku should stay home.
I'm sorry, but I don't really like this chapter myself - it's action-packed, but at the cost of the plot, and I don't like that :( I'm sorry I'm so harsh here, maybe tomorrow it'll be better )
| DutchAver chapter 10 . 1/6/2012
What the... I had NEVER expected the Kinjou to tie in to Shinku's past. Clever twist you've got there.
This girl is a love interest for Shinku? You surely introduced her unexpectedly, I didn't expect romance to play a role in this story too. Well done.
I can't yet decide whether Shinku can't kill Junshin because she has something to do with his parents... or if the Shinku is defending itself that way: because Shinku hesitated even before he found out about her background. It could still be either of them, though, and I'll guess we'll find out about that later.
Huge block problem? I can't tell ;) Keep it up!
| DutchAver chapter 9 . 1/5/2012
I can't really say much about this chapter, other than that it's really exciting - the cliffhanger was great, and I would've hesitated too if I had to kill a twelve year-old. I do wonder what her connection to the Kinjou is.
It's nice to see Shinku being so popular with the girls. I guess that, with all the success, there comes popularity too. He's a lucky dude.
Keep it up!
| DutchAver chapter 8 . 1/4/2012
Those two guys from Arcturus seem like two idiots all together. Come on, you've cornered Polaris' best, and you don't expect him to fight back? I'd have drugged him and dragged him to my HQ if I were them.
I'm glad Shinku doesn't have to be sneaky about getting the Kinjou to his boss, and that he just gets the order. It seems too dangerous for Kai indeed - but getting the Kinjou seems like a very hazardous task to me. I guess all the assassin's schools are after it, if Arcturus already knows some of it too? Then it's surely going to be exciting.
Can't wait to read more tomorrow :)
| DutchAver chapter 7 . 1/2/2012
Anyone who has ever seen a crime-series of some kind knows that Shinku is going to disregard his suspension, so I'm sorry, but this doesn't really strike me as a surprise.
It is intriguing to read about your new plot element, though, the Kinjou. I guess its energy-making capabilities are very helpful to Albireo? Maybe Albireo's trying to defeat Polaris this way, to become the best school of assassins.
Kai's short visit seemed a little pointless, personally I'd have Kai call Shinku instead, since the visit is so short.
Don't be too hard on yourself, the quality of this chapter is still fine :) Happy new year!
(P.S. I posted a new story, I Never - could you please review it? It'd be awesome if you did. Thanks in advance)
| DutchAver chapter 6 . 12/30/2011
Wow, I was surprised to find Shinku attack Albireo despite the terrible state he's in - the vaccine really hurt him, didn't it? I hope it's just the vaccine, and that it's not someone poisoning or sabotaging him.
The part where Shinku attacked Albireo, in the cafe, was exciting and pretty well described - as a psychology student, I can certainly confirm the bystander effect exists, and you describe it well :) You had me on the edge of my seat, there.
I do think Albireo's cover is completely blown now. I mean, it's surely going to attract attention, such a fight in a simple pub. What are they going to do?
Can't wait to see what Shinku does to stop his suspension!
| DutchAver chapter 5 . 12/26/2011
I am your 100th reviewer D Sorry, I couldn't help but notice that!
Albireo was the assassin's company that's responsible for the deaths of Shinku's parents, right? Because I can understand Shinku's heavy response to hearing them.
The flashback sent chills down my spine. Seriously, no nine year-old should have that behavior - Shinku doesn't have anything akin to a conscience, does he? He frightens me.
This chapter isn't very eventful, but I can live with that - you give us a very nice cliffhanger. I can tell a bit that you're having a block, though. But hopefully the block is gone in the next chapter! Can't wait to read more!
(P.S. Still too busy to review? Oh, by the way, I sent you a follow request on Twitter - I am AverNL. Feel free to decline it if you think your Twitter's too private for me, but I just saw the link in your Author profile D I did the same with your wordpress-blog)
| DutchAver chapter 4 . 12/24/2011
This chapter was very emotional and heartbreaking - it was sad to see your protagonist change from a withdrawn guy to the cold killer he is in the present day. It's also sad to see his parents be slaughtered while he has to watch :( Why?
And why does Shinku have red eyes, and do people hate him for that? I hate bullying, and I guess the bullies are partially responsible of the person Shinku transformed into.
Can't really find more to react upon - good chapter! In case I can't review tomorrow, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
| DutchAver chapter 3 . 12/21/2011
I had a tough exam week, so I'm sorry that I wasn't able to review you any sooner. That being said, though, I will start right now!
Your assassin sounds very scary: he seems to do without a conscience and all. He frightens me.
Yuukai's sister is dead? Sorry, it's been a while since I read the last chapter of this story, and I might have forgotten a few things, so...
What is Albireo? Some kind of code word, perhaps, for a takeover or something else really disastrous?
I think your assassin is very strict to his student, but I think that fits his character - to me, he sounds like a man with very little patience for his students. He might be good, but he's not very patient. Ever watched NCIS? He reminds me of Gibbs.
Good chapter as always! See you next time :)
| DutchAver chapter 2 . 12/13/2011
The backstory you give your main character is most certainly interesting, and it explains why he has become who he now is - you describe his own narrating voice quite distinctively. I like it.
This man has no conscience, it seems - he can kill anyone on the planet without even feeling remotely guilty, and that terrifies me. It must be because of his past.
Are the rivals of the Polaris academy not aware of what they really are? Have they never tried to stop Polaris' monopoly on assassins?
A very good chapter, and this story promises to be very good. One mistake:
' There was something I needed to see before homeroom.' before MY homeroom
Hope this review was helpful! I have just one question for you: when will you continue reviewing The Birth of Something New?