|Reviews for Story of a Rose|
| Lucylyn F chapter 10 . 4/2/2011
I really like your story!
| bridgettblah chapter 10 . 3/15/2011
...Well, Okay. Its named Honey...Well then. MORE SOON!
| swamp13 chapter 9 . 2/24/2011
| samhus chapter 1 . 2/13/2011
really well written.
| swamp13 chapter 8 . 2/7/2011
love it((: please update soon ((:
| swamp13 chapter 7 . 1/14/2011
lovee itt (: please update ASAP! (:
| swamp13 chapter 6 . 1/13/2011
love! love! love! please write more ASAP! ((:
| DashingtoFluttershy chapter 2 . 1/13/2011
I love it! The bathroom scene is pretty funny! Oliver is so smexy, but he's so stupid! XD
I have just a couple of things in this chapter to correct. There should be no excessive punctuation, less caps, and your paragraphs are not spaced correctly. -Hopefully that last part made sense. - You should always have a new paragraph - press 'enter', whatever you want to call it - when you have a new person speaking. You don't have to make your dialogue and your descriptive sentences completely seperate. It may look better if you don't do that at all. Sometimes it's okay, but most of the time, it looks weird.
It would flow a lot more nicely if it looked like:
'"Not cool man we need to talk" Jay said to Oliver
"Whatever I need some air." Oliver said and left.
My first kiss was stolen by my step brother. I can't stop crying it's not fair. I really hate him. I hate him more than monday mornings. I hate him more than my moms ex. I hate him for bringing up memorys I never wanted to think about. I hate him.'
See the dialogue is spaced out, and it looks really nice, doesn't it? ;)
I also have just a few things to correct to do with your spelling and grammar. I'm going to correct the paragraph above I did for that example. The lucky paragraph, it get's to be in two examples! ;)
'My first kiss was stolen by my step brother.' That's good.
'I can't stop crying it's not fair.' Should be, 'I can't stop crying, it's not fair.' Also, you have different tenses throughout this entire story, and it is really confusing. You go from walk to jumped. - The 'ed' adds a different tense to the word, but not to all words... just most.
‘I really hate him. I hate him more than monday mornings.’ Monday should be capitalized.
‘I hate him more than my moms ex.’ Moms should be mom’s.
‘I hate him for bringing up memorys I never wanted to think
about.’ Should be, ‘I hated him for bringing up memories I never wanted to think about again.’
‘I hate him.’ Good.
I hope my review has helped you understand what you need to work on as a writer – it will help you improve your writing a lot.
Can't wait to read more!
| DashingtoFluttershy chapter 1 . 1/13/2011
Okay! So far I like it! but, there are a few things, in this chapter alone, which I feel the need to correct you this chapter you have a sentance in which it says "I pulled over my head a BMTH band tee and last but not least a pair of hair and teeth were already brushed" It makes absoloutly no sense at all. How do you get a pair of hair? Also you should have put a comma before the but in the sentance. Also remember to always capatalize I. Also in the dialougue at the bottom of this chapter please reafrain from using the caps lock button or the shift key to put it in a screaming format. You should instead add at the end of the sentance something that suggest that they are screaming. When you make people yell, try not to hadd excessive punctuation either, this is rather annoying to many readers. Other than these problems I like your story and it seems that it has a lot of potential once you have fixed these few errors. Well, can't wait to read more!
| lol chapter 5 . 1/5/2011
It was an awesome storry :D
| swamp13 chapter 5 . 1/4/2011
lovvee itt (: can't wait to see what happens (:
| Jane P chapter 1 . 12/26/2010
Hey, so thanks for reccomending this story!
Anyway, it's really good so far! Honey seems pretty interesting and you've used some good characterisation. The only small issues i had were gramatical errors. Perhaps try using some punctuation to make the prose flow a little better? And reading a chapter aloud to yourself also helps. Like, if you read, "with blond streaks in her hair and beautiful hair" you might pick up on a little repetition. Anyway, it's up to you! I really like it so far though and i'm looking forward to reading chapter two :)
| swamp13 chapter 4 . 12/25/2010
why is this chapter on here again?
| swamp13 chapter 3 . 12/24/2010
that was good! but wait, she is gunna change herself, just for him, wth, i wouldnt do thst for anyone, but still its good! (: please put up another chaper (: or even a few (:
| crescentmaiden77 chapter 1 . 12/23/2010
Interesting, please continue (: