|Reviews for Lipstick Stained Collar|
| Jane P chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
Woah! Holy cow, was not expecting that!
Really interesting story too. She's so freaky! I also enjoyed the fast tracking through time, made the writing really punchy and direct.
A few gramatical errors, for example,
"He's great nice smile cute butt awesome hair."
could include a few commas to create word flow, like,
"He's great. Nice smile, cute butt, awesome hair."
Overall a really good read! Can't wait to see more of your work on fp :D
| LilMaria chapter 1 . 12/29/2010
OK, this was an intense one-shot! there a few things that i would like to point out.
in the first paragraph, you said "again, I'm not perfect." when did she say she was not perfect the first time? be careful about your wording.
look over spelling typos. everyone makes them (i do and I'm an english major in college!) but the less we make them the better.
channel her emotions. what would your reaction be if you saw your man with another woman? add more detail to the situation. when she said she was pregnant you didn't describe the mood it created in the situation. there should be more detail there. again, put yourself in her shoes.
try and be more cohesive (organized) with the structure of the story as well.
that's it! it was good for a one shot. keep writing!