|Reviews for 321 Wishes|
| BleakColoredxxResonance chapter 3 . 12/21/2011
Wow that great very creative and interesting but there something missing I dont know what it is
| Racer283 chapter 3 . 7/4/2011
Pretty good chapter can't wait to read more of it. Keep up the good work.
| ransu chapter 2 . 5/29/2011
It would be better if you keep the style from the first chapter and place it in the second chapter. The self questions during the narrative is quite awkward compared to the first chapter. The requirements are interesting, but Beck's reactions could use some more emphasis. I didn't manage to read the chapters deleted before this one, but an update would really help move the tory along.
| Racer283 chapter 2 . 2/7/2011
Interesting chapter so far can't wait to read more of it. Keep up the good work.
| Moon Lily91 chapter 3 . 2/6/2011
This chapter was rather confusing... At first, I thought it was being written from Beck's point of view, until you mentioned the girl's name. What I'm wondering the most is what does Eva have to do with the story? The MAIN story, that is. Or maybe this is like an "episode," where everything will be revealed in the next chapter.
Ah, cliffies... I remember when I had at least one in every story. I look forward to the next chapter.
| Moon Lily91 chapter 2 . 2/6/2011
Another pleasing chapter to read. I advise that you reread the chapter at least once or twice because there were a few misspellings and grammatical errors. Also, and I forgot to mention this in the last review, I think you should make the dialogue a little more clear. What I mean is that I sometimes get a little confused as to who is speaking. And finally, I was a little disappointed that you didn't describe the appearance of the Master. He looks like a shadow in my mind, but maybe this is what you intended?
For your question, I'm not experienced in the matters of instruments but I think an acoustic guitar would be a good starter. Don't take my word for it, though. And, yes, reviews make authors happy, don't they? I hope to see another chapter from you soon.
| Moon Lily91 chapter 1 . 2/6/2011
The concept of this story is very interesting! Very original(that I know of.) and it's a shame that you don't have many reviews. I read this story thanks to an author-friend of mine, Serativale. He recently wrote a story that includes your character, Beck. I was intrigued and I'm glad that I took the time to read your story.
There were a few misspellings, and also a lack of commas where they were needed. Other than that, the chapter was great. I can't help but think that the task of a Rose Giver is an act of either retribution or punishment. Expect another review from me soon.
| FatalDawn chapter 1 . 12/29/2010
I love it.! Update soon.! Also it reminds me a lot of the monkeys paw which is one of my gave plays. Bravo
| ransu chapter 1 . 12/29/2010
The title hooked me in and there is potential in this story to be epic.
Whether short or long, the story's pace is too quick. You go from one event to another with little detail in between. Also, I felt that wishes being altered... well it kind of ruined the story for me. At the point I was like, "What's the point? What's he supposed to do now?"
I'm guessing here that the story will be some sort of atonement for the sin of vanity or something like that where Beck goes through trials to right a wrong.
The pace was just too fast. Expand, and not just to make the story longer. You got the plot, now you need the detail. Beck is a good character to start with, but you really need to focus on Zach and Beck's family.
I'm just giving off some examples here:
1. Relationship with the family.
2. Relationship with Zach(MAybe with some dialouge)
3. Maybe the school setting.
4. Describe the petal of rose. That can be an awesome symbol.
5. If all else fails, describe your characters physically.
Like I said this story has potential. Shower the prolouge with love, make it personal and make it powerful. You can do it.
Individual passage comment/correction:
- "Yeah Beck, you're the best!" They used to admire me, I was their god. Then my older cousin Zach transferred into my school, into my class and into my life. I pondered how these events came to be and became engulfed in rage. I walked into class early only to see Zach's bag there. I then became officially fed up so I took a walk along campus. As I walked the halls I heard a faint voice, I stopped.
- The first sentence in your story is awesome, but this... not so much. First you talk about Zach, then you talk about his bag, then you leave. I think if you talk a lot more about Zack, and how much the narrator hates him, then it gives a better effect when he meets the woman.