|Reviews for Sweepers|
| Moon Prynces chapter 34 . 9/17/2014
(Ah, dang, that review was cut off...I didn't realize there was a limit... So here's the rest of that rambling nonsense.)
I feel like there was certainly more I wanted to comment on, but like I said, my heads a little messed up from the lack of sleep and just in general. I am just so glad that I stumbled upon this story and decided to read. I've been trying to find anything decent between 20k and 100k words, which is why I was hesitant to click on this. The plot summary was just intriguing enough that I went with it. I can't tell you how many stories I've tried reading this past week. Maybe a dozen or more, and all but one or two I finished because there's always something wrong with them. Too cliché, weak writing, poor characters, uninteresting overall, completely predictable as if they just copy the exact same scenes from one story to the next – and so I just give up reading them even if I'm half done. This one brightened up my search, and gave me hope that there are still some good ones on this site.
Oh! One thing I definitely wanted to comment on was the big reveal of Luke's secret. I guess I kind of forgot about it for a while, but then it... I was choking on laughter and tears while Adelaide stood there in shock at the trophies, in just as much disbelief as she. It was like watching a particularly emotional scene from a drama or movie. It was so weighty and left me breathless, and then still teary-eyed as I drove my mom to the farmer's market. Luckily I sat in the car and waited while reading the conclusion, and that is when I decided I could not just leave this story without a review. You made me feel so much, and I am so very grateful.
So thank you for this story and all the work you put into it. I'm sure even without my praise you're pretty proud of it. There was so much I loved, and I hope you don't think my criticism was too harsh or it overshadowed the greatness of it overall – believe me, if it had I would have made a disgusted sound and/or expression and moved on to the next one. But I found it unique and beautiful and it's something I would read over and over again in the future – there's no doubt! So, I wish you well in your future writing endeavors and everything else. XD
| Moon Prynces chapter 35 . 9/17/2014
This story fulfilled all the hopes I've had for trying to find a decent thing to read in the past week or two, and I felt like I just had to tell you how amazing I found it. There was so much going on, so many elements, and a pretty well-rounded group of characters.
First, Adelaide. I found her so charming and cute and almost relatable. I will say that I was absolutely pissed you seemed to consider a size six something that even touches the term "fat" and so after just that one scene with the dress shopping I was reevaluating everything she'd said about extra fat on her stomach and thighs and whatnot. Because seriously, that's ridiculous. I wish I was still a size six! Trust me, being a thirteen and having the genetics that sends fat straight to my lower region means I've given up trying to find jeans. But other than that oversight, I loved her love of math and temperamental nature. Might be because I myself had a really deep relationship with math long ago as well... Uh, anyway, I kept trying to predict what she would do or say next by thinking of what I might say or do. It was just so close to my own personality in ways that I can't quite explain. You did such a great job creating her, from her shyness in crowds despite the violent thoughts to her obvious facial expressions that Luke pointed out. She was completely endearing and I felt for her throughout the entire story, feeling sorry for her and feeling angry with her and elated and relieved... It was such a rollercoaster.
Which brings me to Luke... I'll say, right off the bat in those first two or so chapters I thought the characters would be college-aged and was hoping for it. His introduction almost seemed cliché, like you tried hard to paint him as a hot bad boy, but I might need to go back and reread to see if I skimmed or remember incorrectly. When it became clear that it was high school young adult story, I was dreading it turning into some nerd-girl, popular-guy shtick. Luckily, Lou's diner and the tutoring, as well as Adelaide's home life were more the setting – which was a relief. I really just didn't feel like going through the character's entire school day, as if that's the only important thing going on for any high schooler. You did this beautiful job of creating the settings, the atmosphere and using them to propel your characters forward. Everything seemed so well planned and edited.
But, yeah, Luke's character... I love him as well. There were some instances towards the beginning of the story where I felt you were trying to build his story up a little unnecessarily. Like when Quang made some remark about him hiding something. It came off as a little too deep for so early in the story, and possibly the kind of predictable that might invite eye-rolls. I mean, from then on I just kept wondering what this mysterious past and/or secret that he's keeping might be – wondering if it would actually be another cliché high school story, as so many others on this site and in published works. I was nowhere near prepared for what it was. I mean, when he seemed to try and keep Adelaide from seeing the inside of his house, I thought maybe there was some family problems or something. Maybe he was a troubled kid from a troubled family, you know? From the point of view of the story – Adelaide – he seemed so...too much. Too good looking, too cocky, too much of a jerk. But I liked the way his personality slowly melted from that fake front to him being more open and real. Laughing over ridiculous things with her and sticking up to bullies and talking so casually with her whole family... Still, the whole "bad boy" attitude was there when he got angry or defensive so even I wasn't too sure which side of the coin was the real him, or maybe it was both.
The relationship you built up between Adelaide and Luke was so gradual and realistic, I rejoiced! I mean, so many – far too many – stories rush the entire thing. I loved that the standoff-ish, seemingly mutual dislike didn't just disappear from one scene to the next. That it slowly turned to a grudging familiarity, to friends, and then something more. I liked that Adelaide could see it on his face at certain times. It's too ridiculous that most authors make their female/male lead completely oblivious to their love interest's feelings. They usually moan over how it will never work out, that the other person couldn't possibly feel the same way. But you captured that feeling...that feeling when you know there's something happening between yourself and that other person, and you know you're not the only one to see it. Some of those scenes were just so beautifully written I reread them more than once, I was so touched.
Speaking of which, there were actually quite a few passages that I marveled at your writing. Let's just get this out of the way. From reading this story, I think it's something that could be published – almost of the level of my once favorite young adult novelist, Sarah Dessen. There are things I think needs work, including the development of some of your secondary characters and other plot points but... Wow. This entire thing is just an overall amazing piece of work. I keep seeing other authors on this site getting the chance at publishing their work and, not to be rude but just blunt, I don't think they're all up to par. I've read books that absolutely sucked, made me wonder how the editor and publishing company put out something that obviously needed tons of work, or to just be trashed altogether. This, however, is something that I see could be improved with the right editor and turn out to be a favorite for so many people out there who don't get the chance to read stories online. It is truly a work worthy of being published and praised. Your characters, plot, development, themes... So many things that were wonderfully executed!
(Alright, I'm kinda losing my mind because I didn't go to sleep last night – instead spent it trying to cram this story into my brain – and also haven't seriously reviewed anything in a while. I swear, I'm usually much more coherent than this.)
I feel like if I keep going on, I'll just be repeating how much I loved this and that so instead I'll move onto the things I thought could use some work or I just didn't like.
There were some parts, where I kind of hated Adelaide's family. I mean, it wasn't even the writing or characters, I just... I hated her getting so easily bulldozed by sisters and her mother and then work and Luke and... I kind of wanted her to snap some of those times, especially with family. The scene in the dress shop didn't really cut it – she kept letting everyone else have a say in things that were hers and them trying to tell her how to feel about it. I understood it all, and the characters and their motivations just fine, but it might be because of my own family issues. But also, there was Peter. I was truly disappointed there was no real resolution to the strange relationship between him and Adelaide. I wanted to know what he thought of her, why he looked at her that way, how or if it could be remedied. It was especially alarming to hear Luke's description of Peter's stare on Adelaide..."Like he wanted to split your head open with a hatchet or fiercely make-out with you, but couldn't decide which." It had a strangely disturbing feel to it, and it just made me want to know more about it. And after hearing about Sadie's true feelings about her marriage I was even more disappointed that they were having another kid. It just seemed like her life was going to be a disaster later on.
Also, not a fan of how Kitty was ignored for about the last third or quarter of the story. It seemed like she evaporated from existence. I know Adelaide continued to plead a distracting, busy life but I call BS. There were so many moments that she just spent pondering everything going on, so she definitely had enough time to possibly think of her best friend. I also absolutely hated how Adelaide just gave up on their friendship after that spat. It made it seem like the relationship wasn't ever worth much to her, that she just let it go after a few hurtful words. I felt like, perhaps, you as the writer might've had some difficulty with that plotline and character. Like maybe you weren't sure what to do with her and then forgot about her for a bit before coming back with the phone call and confrontation. I feel like Kitty's story could be one of those things improved, though I'm at a loss as to what you might do with it. Feel like maybe I don't know her as well as I wanted to. So much info about her in the beginning but it all fades to nothingness because she's also going through an important life-altering event, so she won't be the same person Adelaide introduces her as. Hm...maybe she needs her own story?
Things like Quang being a nice guy with as much personality as a cardboard and Farah some uber bitch were too flat and uninteresting. I mean, it made you think why'd they even get together at all? Those characters could use some work. Also, I felt like there should have been more plot for Brooke and Ashley. They reminded me of two characters from Sarah Dessen's, The Truth About Forever. Very similar actually, now that I think of it. I did, however, love that Lou had some small concrete plot when Adelaide asks about Sandra and talks about love – that she somehow helps him, while figuring out her own stuff. It was sweet and fit perfectly in the midst of everything.
I feel like there was certainly more I wanted to comment on, but like I said, my heads a little messed up from the lack of sleep and just in general. I am just so glad that I stumbled upon this story and decided to read. I've been trying to find anything decent between 20k and 100k words, which is why I was hesitant to click on this. The plot summary was just intriguing enough that I went with it. I can't tell you how many stories I've tried reading this past week. Maybe a dozen or more, and all but one or two I f
| Julietish chapter 1 . 8/31/2014
Hi! It's Juliet from A Drop of Romeo. When your story was featured on ADoR, a judge wrote this review for it: One thing that really struck me about this story was its realism. It starts with the main character, Adelaide, having a bad day and Luke knocking her over and not apologizing proves to be the last straw. When Luke turns out to be her next student to tutor in Maths, Adelaide is none too pleased, but a friendship develops between the pair that evolves throughout the story. What was brilliant about Minty F’s writing was that it really let you connect with Adelaide, she seems real, with realistic problems, insecurities and an obsession with Quang - a boy she is convinced is her ‘sweeper’ (someone who will you sweep you off your feet). In fact all the characters are made easy to relate to, purely because they all have their own distinctive personalities and flaws, it makes them seem real.
The relationship between Adelaide and Luke unfolds at a believable pace, amidst other issues in their lives - families, friends, school - and therefore it is quite often not the focal point.
In terms of the writing itself, it flows just perfectly, with very few grammar not always funny in the ‘ha-ha, I think I just peed myself’ sense, the story provides us with much humour, in a more subtle form, usually Adelaide’s snark.
The story may seem long, but is very sweet and well worth the read as it is very hard not to love it.
| bookwurm247 chapter 1 . 3/9/2014
Okay, first of all, I want to say that your summary totally rocks! I'm serious! I crack up every time I read it! Second, I have a feeling that I will love this story! _
| Cookie Seller On The Dark Side chapter 18 . 2/12/2014
This is great!
| misssmiley03 chapter 35 . 1/19/2014
I just spent the hole day reading this and it is long but it is still is really well written and you're a great writer just so you know...have a great day :) xoxo
| Guest chapter 35 . 9/21/2013
It's fitting how you ended it with an infinity symbol, which is a mathematical symbol that can be a romantic symbol too...
I'm really excited for the seque! The situation between Addie and Luke's mom reminds me of a woman not getting along with her mother-in-law. Not that Luke and Addie are married...or are they?
| Guest chapter 31 . 9/21/2013
I'm glad Addie and Kitty made up :)
| Guest chapter 30 . 9/21/2013
I think that Luke came out of the bathroom shortly after Addie, heard her conversation with Ashley, and thought she was talking about Quang...
Loving the story, btw. I've notice a few spelling errors in some chapters but they're not enough to distract me from the excellent story-telling.
| Guest chapter 7 . 9/20/2013
Adelaide and Luke are hilarious together!
| Secret chapter 34 . 8/8/2013
I was right!
| Secrets chapter 33 . 8/8/2013
I knew it! I knew it! Well I didn't know it was such a big secret *giggle at NOT intended pun* but I knew that Luke was good at maths and was only pretending *thus is where I was wrong, slightly* to be tutored by adelaide, I was wrong because he actually did that to stop being a nerd but CONTINUED that to spend time with adelaide.
| Secrets chapter 31 . 8/8/2013
I know why likes angry! I know! I know
| Secrets chapter 23 . 8/7/2013
Okay, first off I love Adelaide and totally get her view of things. And then the sweeper thing, see, a sweeper doesnt have to be perfectly perfect or something like that but he should be able to sweep a woman off her feet and that's it, like he can have flaws, he can be arrogant, a jerk and all that but in the end the woman is swept off her feet and that's what makes a sweeper.
| my princess ending chapter 35 . 7/31/2013
So...it's July, almost August, 2013. I don't see the sequel. But on with the review...
This story moves at a snail pace, I swear, but it never gets boring for some reason. For example, I don't like scenes with Adelaide and Kitty but in the end, I read the scenes with interest.
Believe it or not, it's not that cliché at all; there are plenty of surprises every where. Like how the love note wasn't a scheme of Farah's and how it turns out that Sadie doesn't like Peter.
I enjoyed reading this a lot. :) I'll check back soon hoping you've updated Keeper.
my princess ending