Reviews for Dark Moon
Mysterious MD chapter 2 . 1/13/2011
That was a good chapter. The one thing I'm not sure about is your use of present tense for the verbs. I think it works, but I think past tense is more commonly used, but I am no grammar expert so I don't know. It was a good chapter. We see that Kazuki had a mysterious girlfriend from Celest who is missing. And then we get the possibility of the other pure bloods coming into action soon. Takashi and Mizuki are missing, but who knows what happened to them. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
Mysterious MD chapter 1 . 1/1/2011
Well it's great to be reading the second story. One spot where I noticed errors was when you said; "Having a barbeque is one of the last things he have in mind at the moment." "barbeque" should be spelled "barbecue" (I just found that out with spell check on this), and the other error was that "have" should be "had" to keep with proper tense. Another spot was when you said; "The soldiers did not notice them as they proceed to one of the larger inn to rest." I think "proceed" should be "proceeded" and "inn" should be "inns". Another spot I am unsure of is when you said; "The civilians have ran away in fear and the furniture are in a mess." I think "have" should be "had" and "are" should be "was", but I'm not positive. I think a lot of the problem is that the verb tense you use changes a bit between present and past tense and so certain things look correct or incorrect in different areas.

It was an interesting chapter though, we get to see ten years from the last events. Pandemonium still seems to be in charge, but thankfully the rebels saved Ren. We see Kazuki in the real world, and find out that there is still no word on Mizuki or Takashi. I look forward to reading more of the story, keep up the good writing.
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