amazing! can't wait to find out more (:

please update ASAP! im dying to know whats guna happen! (:

i like it so far (:

Hello, I'm reviewing this as I read, so there's not going to be all that much order to this review...

First off, in the beginning, there are little descriptions, adjectives, similes and that kind of stuff. This has meant that the beginning is a little hollow, like there could have been more explainations of what was happening, the tone her mother spoke in, how familiar it was to her. This can also be called showing the readers what's happening through manipulative explainations, rather than explicitly telling them. Does that make sense? I used too many long words...I do that sometimes, in order to sound smart :D

There is certainly some snappy, good dialog in here, and I like that about it. The thing is, this is all predominantly dialog, and kind of makes it seem as though your character is just recording back everything without thoughts on them. This style of writing is better if you did it in third person, where writing the emotions and thoughts caused by the actions isn't necessary.

Keep writing :)

- Sam, WTNS