|Reviews for Massimo Varardi|
| Marie Starr chapter 1 . 1/21
I kind of have an inkling of why the camcorder was under the pillow, but I want to confirm it so I will wait for the update!
| Kurariisu Takomo chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
Please please please add another chapter! I really like it!
| ikfly19 chapter 1 . 9/15/2011
I like it so far. I hope you write the rest. I will like to read what happens next. :]
| yaoi8808 chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
WOAH! MAJOR CLIFFHANGER! You have the second chapter planned for it yet? I can't wait!
| Loqwell chapter 1 . 3/21/2011
Normally I avoid long stories on here like the plague. ' However, you reviewed one of my pieces, so I felt obligated, and now I'm glad I did. First person can indeed be hard to write, but I think you managed to add little bits in that showed the character, which is the best part of using first person. This showed through the most in his thoughts of his best friends, and the occasional curse thrown in; along with this line "Bloody funny, it was the cam corder that I spent so many fucking hours searching for. Why on earth was it under the pillow?"
My only suggestion is when writing about movement, don't simply put an "I" where a "he" would normally go. Think about how the character would perceive it. Often it will only need that small change, but occasionally you can embellish the movement with the speaker's intention while doing it, or opinion of it. For example adding a just to the line "I [just] took my seat at the back..." That one word kind of ups the dismissive nature of the action.
I also saw you haven't updated this since the first of the year. What's happened, if you don't mind my asking?
| Wandering-Recluse chapter 1 . 3/18/2011
Well, you can't just write the first chapter of a story and leave it like that! That's torture for us readers!
Anyway, I really like this story: it seems interesting so far. I like Massimo ha ha (what a stereotypical Italian name. Whenever I think of it I think of that fat guy from the food channel...) anyway. I like the idea of Andrew too. Mainly because people used to think I was a guy (till grade 7) my band teacher found out 8 months into the school year that I am a girl. True story. Julius is unique too. Really there's not much to say about the characters because it's only one chapter in (hint hint).
The storyline sounds fascinating. You don't see enough slash ghost stories on FP. You don't see enough slash supernatural stories period I guess. But the camcorder having a ghost inside is really strange. I hope you explain that more later on.
I love Massimo's interaction with his teacher ha ha. It reminds me of last semester when I failed math because my teacher hated me...
Please, update soon!
| Cooked Juice chapter 1 . 1/8/2011
Another AMAZING story. Your first person is great. don't be anxious about it. You really sound like a man. lol
I need ch 2 quick! *fangirl going crazy*
| Eveorck chapter 1 . 1/7/2011
I sense a good plot behind this story. I like Massimo, his hot tempered and badass attitude are just my type of men. It makes me very curious. Massimo's father, who exactly is he? I cannot wait to figure that out. The ghost! Oh I love love love.
Keep updating plz
| Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 1/6/2011
Great job! You conveyed your characters very, very well ! I already have a strong sense of who Massimo is, as well as his friend, Julius. I really loved his narration as well. He wasn't afraid to say anything to anyone, and he seems like a strong character. However, underneath all of his toughness, I think he's just a scared boy wanting help. His mom's dead. His dad's a murderer. What sane human wouldn't need help? I'm sure Julius will be his answer! (: The only thing I noticed was that some of your dialogue sounded off. Like, you said 'cam recorder'. All I've ever heard was 'cam-corder'. Besides that, great job!
Kobra Kid : review returned!
If you want to take a look at my main story, Rise From The Ashes, I'll definitely pay you back! I do return reviews! Usually, I do faster than this, but school has been horrible so far. Haha, anyways, have a great day!
| Old xRayneWolfx account chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
I really like this :) You connected within a male's mind very well and It was enjoyable! I love to read slash so this is a good story to begin. Keep it up!
| Nakehaton chapter 1 . 1/2/2011
O! It is even better than I thought it would be... Mainly because of Andrew. There's not much I love more than cute boys who are actually girls... I'd probably go as far as to say the only thing that beats people like Andrew are romances involving ghosts. (I promise to forever be this story's biggest fan... I'm terrible at being a fan, but I'll somehow manage.)
The one thing that wasn't so much bad as it was odd was the diction. You used a lot of words and phrases that seemed very outlandish to me. Maybe because I'm in a rural area surrounded by farmers and people who are very relaxed and lazy with the language. The thing that struck me the most was "cam recorder" because I've only heard "cam corder" and "video camera."
This isn't a really bad thing though... I rather like the different ways to use the English language. I was just surprised by it, and now I'm beginning to be brainwashed by it and thinking of it as an endearing quirk.
Anyway... Thank you for posting this. I hope a lot of other eople enjoy it as well so that you will be compelled to complete it. I'm not ready for an ending anytime soon (endings always makee very soon) but I'm also very curious because of the way you described it.