|Reviews for Shadowed|
| Storm Cycle chapter 19 . 6/3
I'm just going to jump right into this. Your plot was probably the best part of this, it definately seems to be your strong point as a writer. Your characters leave something to be desired, they are kind of flat. But this is coming from a person who really values good characterization.
Your writing style is also quite good, it's heavy and sometimes hard to follow but at the same time it drew me in. So your writing style combined with an interesting plot really made it hard to put the story down. (I read this in a night). So while the story was sometimes choppy altogether there wasn't a huge problem with the writing.
Some bigger problems I saw were that entire scenes could have been taken out and wouldn't have impacted the story much at all, but this wasn't common. The biggest problem was with characterization, none of your protagonists were terrible characters but they seemed to be two dimensional. I'd have to say that some writing prompts doing character interactions would help you a lot. Growth didn't seem to happen with the characters and I feel that Matt could've been a bit more scared than cynical.
I did like the fact that Matt wasn't weak, but weakness should have been more prevalent in his character considering the fact that he was raped and abused on a pretty much daily basis. Also if you do a rewrite think about changing at least one of the names starting with j it got sort of confusing to have so many characters with j as the first letter in their name.
Overall I'd say plot is good, writing needs work (everyone's writing needs work), and your characterization needs the most attention. I did like this story a lot.
| Storm Cycle chapter 3 . 6/3
When Matt discovered that it was just a cat I wondered. "Is the cat evil like its owner?"
| animelover4200 chapter 19 . 4/25/2014
Ok, first let me just say you are a fantastic writer. I'm actually kind of jealous. Your story had me hooked from the beginning. I have to say I loved it and will be adding it to my favorites ext. In chapter 15 where Jon comes back I was literally terrified. I do think that in future books you should give further explanation of details. I always pictured Dallas as a tall guy with blonde hair. (of course it's probably different everywhere you look) I plan on going on to your other stories. Thankyou so much for writing this, I had a great time reading it!
| skylove chapter 3 . 12/9/2012
Omg this is awful. That poor kid. I hope this has a happy ending
| WishmiesterBeta chapter 19 . 7/9/2011
I'm surprised you didn't research. It seems pretty accurate to me. Then again, I know nothing.
Wonderful story, and I liked the ending. I'm glad you didn't smother it with fluff and happiness.
| WishmiesterBeta chapter 9 . 7/8/2011
Oh dear mother of god... I had to review this one. Poor kid, like DAMN. I think every slash writer has to put out a story about a boy getting abused but this is the best, and most original one I've ever read.
Dude, I fucking cringed when I was reading the part where he gets branded, and then again when Rick and then his father were telling him how stupid his was. Poor kid is so stuck.
And by the way, where have you been all my life? Or at least as long as I've been on fictionpress. I'm so glad you reviewed my story, or I might not have come across your stuff. Seriously though, your writing skills make me jealous. Great chapter.
| forme.kf chapter 12 . 1/15/2011
(I like reviewing a couple of chapters at a time. xD) I don't know how any of the legal stuff works, so I can't really say much about that, but I will mention that I thought how the doctors were speaking with Matt was a little strange. I think the details they reveal are a little bit in excess, but it's nice to know that almost everyone Matthew's been meeting has wanted to help him above and beyond.
Last chapter went by very quickly; there was a lot of action, and I like how you introduced it. I was (admittedly) on the edge of my seat, wondering how everyone was going to end up.
In this chapter I found the dialogue either a little strangled or a little too easy in a couple of places, mostly at the hospital, but I think that's only because the visit there was kind of long; once things started moving again, it got better. :)
I was going to mention it immediately when I found it, that Seth was talking about re-enrolling Matt into school as soon as possible, but Matt mentioned to the recorder that it was June 18th...But then I remembered that I live in New Jersey, not Minnesota, and while school ends on that day here, that might not be the case over there, lol.
There isn't much else I feel the need to say, except for the fact that I've fallen in love with the end of this latest chapter, and how much Matt's missing Dallas. It's so...cute? (Given the circumstances that might not be the best term, heh.) I can hardly wait to see the next chapter. :D
(As a PS, I'd be responding to your responses to my reviews, but I'm not entirely sure how to, embarrassingly enough! But I'll mention here that I'm happy to write such lengthy reviews that someone actually appreciates. )
| firestar267 chapter 10 . 1/13/2011
I dont think I like Josh...he seemed a little too laid back about the situation and a little too calm about matts treatment
and since theres no way matt will be out in a week, im guessing things are about to get bad :/
| firestar267 chapter 9 . 1/13/2011
If you didnt start crying until chapter 11 (I think you said) I hate to see what else is in store for him :(
Branding. Just wow. It was written really well though I thought, you realy got a sense of Matts panic. And at teh end as well, when hes running through all of his options. It shows though that hes thinking about getting out more and more even before hes eighteen...
| sleepyreader chapter 10 . 1/12/2011
the fact that you cried while typing chapter 11 makes me think that something interesting's gonna happen.
can't wait for that :)
| forme.kf chapter 9 . 1/11/2011
I was really surprised to encounter the branding; it rendered me somewhat speechless. However, like other startling scenes in this story, you've blended it in rather than thrown it in (where it would then stick out like a sore, twisted thumb). It adds a considerable amount to the drama factor, not to mention it's one of those situations when the reader would find theirself wondering, "How on earth will they get out of this one?" (Which is a feeling I both detest and value in a plot line. xD)
There was one particular grammar instance in this chapter that only bugged me because...well, I don't know, it's just who I am, lol. This sentence:
"...make sure people can't mistake it's meaning."
It may have just been a slip of the fingers, but the possessive form of "it" is "its". :)
The questions that are being raised ever higher at the end of this chapter are very gripping; I know they keep -me- interested! I also like the little plot twists you've added, such as Eric leaving and Rick buying Matt once and for all. I look forward to more!
| firestar267 chapter 8 . 1/11/2011
Wow, Dallas is leaving huh? didnt see that one coming! talk about a shock for matt aswell, having to go back to how things were before he got used to that break and having eric to deal with as well.
I think youve dealt with matts reactions really well, he feels realistic - though im glad hes not, the poor thing!
| sleepyreader chapter 8 . 1/10/2011
interesting. can't wait to see what happens now that Dallas is gone
| forme.kf chapter 7 . 1/8/2011
I've read all of the chapters so far (because it'd be silly of me to speak and have read only one, of course), and I have to say that I'm really loving the plot I'm seeing. I find Dallas's efforts to be quite noble, however impossible to correct the situation might seem. It really makes me want to help someone in such horrible conditions (despite the fact that I don't know anyone in such a case).
-Ahem- There are only a few (very) nit-picky details I found myself thinking about, such as how Dallas found Bill (though I suspect he followed him, as he did Matt in the beginning) and how Matt found Dallas when he bolted from his house. However I didn't look into these deets very seriously because there are numerous answers that don't particularly need mentioning in order to advance the story. (There IS a such thing as too much!)
In any case, I love the speed of the progression, however fast you might think it is, and I feel like you're building the characters' personalities very well. (I would also like to commend how real the conversations are; how they're so easy to imagine.) Hard work is evident in this story and I very, very much look forward to seeing more of it!
Kudos to you, and apologies for the long-winded response. :)
| firestar267 chapter 7 . 1/8/2011
Hey, sorry the delay in this review.
This isn't a criticism but I'm wondering how dallas finds bill?
I realy like Liam, I hope he sticks by Matt, it's good he has someone at school who is trying to look out for him.
Eric was certainly an unexpected turn of events and I think Matts reaction was really realistic to that situation. Its definatly going to be interesting to see how matt has to handle his loss of free of time and how Eric continues to acts.
I'm glad dallas is buying matt as often as he can, but i think he should plan for matts eighteenth as well, like looking at where he cn run too that he wont be found so he can get his own place. but that will all come up in the future anyway.
this was a great chapter :)