Oh man sara that was awsome! I love how you just put alot of description into your writing, oh and by the way this is Maria. Love it please put in a new ch.!

Great job! The detail is so amazing. I love how you described the cat in the prelude. Trent, that name is just amazing. And of course Sarai's name is beautiful. And I really love how you described Trent when he appeared. Can't wait to see where this story goes :3

Wow this is good hm lets see...Keep it simple like the sentence with the coat, change the word stagnant it just doesnt fit but the details were good XD i would edit a bit the part describing the smell of the dead cat its hard to think of it i mean i have trouble imagining the smell, think of more common gagging smells XD But all in all this was good a bit confusing as in awkward but it fits though cause it makes sense as you keep reading. Awesomeness XD

Hey great job! I like how you're bringing in some unique characters and everything. You're very good at description, and I liked the imagery when Trent is twirling the plate. The last sentence is also very dramatic, which I like. :) Some things that could use improvement... Dialoge. There isn't much of it. We need to get to know our character a bit more, and dialoge and thoughts are always a simple way to do that. But overall great job! Can't wait to see more! :)

Great Job! This story has lots of potential! Obviously you've just started, and this is kind of like an intro I think, but I think you should make your chapters longer, and paragraphs shorter. People will just skim if you don't put some spaces in there. Anyways hope you update, I'm curious! :)

I have my own story up, "Learning to Fly", and I would love it if you could take the time to read and review/PM me about it. I only have 3 reviews right now and I would love some more feedback. :)

Thanks so much!

~wordzRmagik-13