Reviews for Suspension of Disbelief
lookingwest chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
Cause this time- this time you won't ignore it.

-Edit: because "cause" is the shortened slang of "because" it does need an apostrophe to be grammatically correct, so should look like: 'Cause

I really enjoyed this! Besides the little style grammar above, it was extremely clean and well edited and that made for a smooth and enjoyable read, for sure. I love second-person narratives because I think there's something just...so direct and in your face about them, obviously, and that brings it so into the reader's life, in a way. Makes it our problem-passes from behind the curtain. Not many author's can pull it off and I like how you did it with the discourse you used.

I liked the discourse being at a level that isn't as learned with the slang of "kinda" and "cause" and the curse words, of course, it brought a more edgy dimension to the short, and brought it flavor. I also liked how you started breaking it down into shorter sentences towards the end because it added tenseness to your statements and wound the reader up further.

As far as subject matter, I think you plunged rightfully into some deep waters, and I liked the boldness of bringing in the subject of god and keeping that a reoccurring theme throughout. When you formulated a real plot and action towards the end about the handbag and the "shadowed man" I thought that was clever and it really tied the piece together. That last line was classic, for sure.

So overall, I liked the narrative voice of the accusatory, and I loved the way you used second person. You kept it at a good length and a good pace, especially for not having actual dialogue to break it up-the short sentences and the pace stayed consistent enough where it of course, worked in harmony without it. The theme of paranoia that there is no god watching over you, and that bad shit happens and everything, was done well and I don't think it could have been done quite this way unless it was in that second person, so great decision there. Solid read!